Brain Farts

Pondering.

I sat there for a good twenty minutes pondering . . . racking the brain trying to recall the name of a bird species.  Though I knew, I could not remember its name.  Twenty minutes!

 

Crane?  No, sort of looks like one.  Egret?  No, sort of looks like one.  I just could not think of the name of the bird I was thinking of.  Frustrating!  It’s a bird I am always on the lookout whenever I go critter creeping.  For the life of me I could not think of the bird’s name.  It was like it was on the tip of my tongue refusing to reveal itself.

 

There are over 400 species of birds in Montana.  It is no big deal if a person cannot recall a bird’s name from time to time . . . my goodness!  There are over 400 avian species . . . 400!  But still, this is a fairly common bird in my avian vernacular. 

 

So . . . I pondered.

 

Then, while sitting in the throne room . . . it happened!  Out of nowhere it appeared.  The name . . . Heron, Great Blue Heron.  That was it!  That was the name of the bird I was thinking about.  It was such a sweet relief to remember.  With shaky confidence, I assured myself that I was not losing it . . . yet!

 

I’m at that age when a simple thing like remembering the name of a bird becomes a concern.  Especially today with all the social media and the attention it focuses on older adults and their health scares . . . I mean “concerns”.  Especially things like dementia and Alzheimer’s.  Memory or lack of seems to be a big issue when it comes concerns older adults.  Of which I am one.  My little episode sparked my concern, worry, and anxiety that I might be losing my mind . . . or at least my memory.

 

The symptoms of dementia are progressive.  They start out slowly and gradually get worse over time.  Things like experiencing memory difficulties.  Changes in the way one thinks.  Difficulty in completing common tasks.  Visual and spatial issues.  Decreased or poor judgment.  Withdrawal from activities.  Changes in mood and personality.  The advice is to see a doctor as soon as possible once these symptoms occur.

 

Being susceptible to the vast knowledge of information from the reliable and trustworthy Internet and social media . . . it’s no wonder the alarm my mind was blasting away when I couldn’t remember that the name of the bird was Heron.  Twenty minutes!  Surely, I was in the grasp of dementia or at least tiptoeing into it.  Honestly, I was more upset about being declared in the realm of dementia that I was about not being able to identify a bird.  After all, I am no spring chicken.  I am at that age when everyone is more concerned about my health than they are about me.  Sometimes it feels like I am a living (maybe dying) specimen under a microscope with family and friends. They tell me, “You’re at that age.”

 

For the record: I do not have dementia.  Though some might think struggling for twenty minutes for the name of a bird might constitute a issue of memory loss.  I assure you, it is not!  At least not in my case.  No, it was a “brain fart”.  A brain fart is “a temporary mental lapse, characterized by sudden forgetfulness, confusion, or a brief inability to think clearly.”  These lapses are normal.  They are everyday cognitive blips.  They are not signs of serious impairment.  It is not dementia.  It is a brain fart.

 

Lots of things can cause brain farts.  Stress and fatigue overloading the brain.  The “doorway effect” or the passing into a new environment causing the brain to do a cleanse and remove previous, unnecessary information making a person forget why they entered.  Of the drain drops into autopilot or routine failing to register changes.  The result?  Brain fart.  It is a temporary failure of the brain’s usual efficiency.

 

For a person closer to 70 than 50, my memory is good.  True, I’m lousy at putting names with faces and recalling names.  “Hey you!” works for me.  There are a lot of people I know as “Hey you!”  I have no difficulties solving problems or making plans.  I complete daily tasks though maybe not as fast as my wife would like.  I do not get confused with time or place except when it comes to Daylight Savings.  That always messes me for a couple of days.  No issue with my vision when it comes to visual images and spatial relationships. I have always seen the world cock-eyed.  I’ve always been what my mother called “graceful”.  It was her kind way and sarcastic way of calling me a klutz.  I’ll admit that there are times when I have frustration with speaking or writing . . . coming up with the “right” words, but I also have the Internet—a source of many words!  I don’t misplace things.  I lose my mind occasionally, but I usually find it.  I’ve never been one esteemed for my judgment, but it is fairly decent and reliable.  When it comes to withdrawal from social activities, come on!  I am an introvert!  Enough said.  When it comes to changes in moods and personality . . . hmmmmm . . . I think I’m normal, after all I am human.  Everyone knows how quirky humans can be.

 

On a scale of one to ten dementia symptoms, I probably score a one or one-and-a-half.

 

There you have it.  I am nowhere close to having dreaded dementia.  I’m just a brain farting old guy who might be a little off.  Others might say that I am demented, but I do not have dementia.  At least not today.  Just a brain fart . . . a simple mental lapse thanks to that damn Heron.  It happens.

 

Losing My Mind

I'm losing my mind . . . at least that is what an article in USA Today says.  Apparently (unbeknownest to me) my mind has been secretly wandering off since 2003--that was the year I turned 45 years old.  According to new research  conducted by INSERM's Center for Research in Epidemiology & Population Health at the Paul-Brousse Hospital in Paris, France, the old standard of starting to lose one's mind at age 60 is not true as it was once believed.  "Cognitive function in normal, healthy adults begins to decline earlier than previously thought," said study author Archana Singh-Manoux.  "It is widely believed that cognitive ability does not decline before the age of 60. We were able to show robust cognitive decline even in individuals aged 45 to 49 years."

The study states that among men aged 45 to 49, reasoning skills declined by nearly four percent, and for those aged 65 to 70 those skills dropped by about nearly ten percent.  For women, the decline in reasoning approached five percent for those aged 45 to 49 and about seven percent for those 65 to 70, the researchers found. Unfortunately, this means that my mind has gotten a good head start on me . . . I don't think I can catch it!  Sneaky little fart . . . and fast too! 

This probably explains a lot . . . like why I can't remember my children's birthdays and always have to either ask the wife or look them up.  I just know they keep getting older.  Luckily I remember their names: number one son, daughter, number two son, and number three son.  As long as they line up that way everything is fine!  I've gotten lousy at remembering names and because of that I nod my head a lot and say things like "Hey you!"  I can't remember my passwords for all the accounts I have on the computer so I finally broke down and use the same one for everything--"password"--works like a charm . . . especially when I'm racking my brain trying to remember what the password was.  Oh, yeah!  Password!  But the nice thing about a declining memory is that I sure do meet a lot of new people every day--some I've known since I was a kid!  The drive into the big city is always exciting because it is always an adventure over new terrain.  I can watch the episodes of  Two Men and a Boy--no, that's not true!  My mind might be escaping but it's not that far gone! 

The point is that my mind is not as sharp as it used to be, but then again, it was never that sharp.  If the research is correct then it is only down hill from here--ten percent every 25 years after the age of 45.  At that rate I should totally lose my mind by the age of 295--it will be biblical!!  That will be getting up there with the Old Testament big boys!  But the researchers said that the brain is like any other muscle and that exercise will keep it sharp and functioning.  One researcher stated that "what is good for the heart is good for the head," which makes living a healthy lifestyle a part of slowing cognitive decline.

Exercise--that is a four-letter word.  It doesn't make sense to me to torture nearly 90 percent of my body to make the brain healthy and stronger.  The rest of my body is staging a sit down on this one--they are protesting.  Exercise means work and sweat, all while the brain sits up there in the comfortable confines of the skull.  Doesn't seem quite fair to the rest of the body--but the heart throws in its two cents worth when it reminds the rest of the body that if it goes, they all go.  They're warming up to the idea of exercise.  I figure I can afford to put off the exercise for a couple of decades since the cognitive ability only fades at ten percent every 25 years.  Shoot, people have told me I a half-wit anyways, and life hasn't been too bad so far.

The bottom line is that I was surprised to learn that my mind has been slowly sneaking out on me for the past eight years.  At the rate I am losing my mind I can be a real Democrat in about another twenty years, a real Republican in about another week!  Oh well, I am going to miss my mind!

If you see my mind please send it home.  It is missed!!