Explosive!

If the Public Broadcasting System (PBS) is concerned, Americans should be concerned.  After all, PBS is a highly regarded and reliable source for news and information that affects the citizens of the United States of America.  A recent PBS report raised awareness of an outbreak of Cyclosporiasis. For the uninformed, Cyclosporiasis is an intestinal illness caused by the cyclospora cayetanensis parasite.  Cyclosporiasis is transmitted through consumption of food or water that is contaminated with feces.  It is not fatal, but it is uncomfortable creating nausea, fatigue, bloating . . . and explosive diarrhea.

You read that right . . . explosive diarrhea.

 

Diarrhea . . . Montezuma’s revenge . . . Hershey squirts . . . the runs . . . the trots.  I’m certain that we are all familiar with diarrhea no matter what name we call it.  We know how uncomfortable, frustrating, and embarrassing diarrhea can be.  But if a person can set aside all of those feelings and emotions associated with diarrhea, they would discover that in reality if is a fascinating topic.

 

Diarrhea is not a disease.  Despite its insistence of wanting to be called a disease . . . it is not.  Nope, it is a symptom.  Diarrhea is a disruption in the process of the body absorbing liquid.  Did you know that 99% of the liquid ingested and secreted by the salivary glands (stomach, liver, and pancreas) are absorbed by the digestive tract (intestines and colon).  On average, this is 9-10 liters of liquid a day.  In addition, small intestines can absorb 6-8 liters.  That is a whopping five gallons of fluid a day.  Diarrhea occurs when there is a disruption in this process.  This process disruption creates a frequent passage of a loose or watery stool.

 

The causes of diarrhea are varied: parasitic infection, bacterial or viral infection, bowel diseases, allergies, medication, and artificial sweeteners.  The two most common bacterial causes are salmonella and E. coli, while rotavirus, viral gastroenteritis, and norovirus are the viral causes.  Bowel disease would be Crohn’s Disease and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).  Allergies fall into that category of eating something “that did not agree” with us—foods, lactose, and gluten.  Medication can be a culprit.  Too many artificial sweeteners.  And parasitic infection—Giardia lamblia and Cryptosporidium—water-borne parasites.  They all cause diarrhea.

 

But . . . explosive diarrhea?

 

That sounds ominous and dangerous.  Diarrhea is one thing . . . explosive . . . well, that is a whole other realm.  I have witnessed explosions . . . the loud boom and then debris flying.  Explosive sounds violent . . . intrusive . . . loud.  Picturing diarrhea as being “explosive” is gross . . . a yucky image . . . a real mess.  Smelly too.  Explosive diarrhea is a severe form marked by abnormally forceful bowel contractions and a high volume of gas, resulting in a sudden, high-pressure, and sometimes loud expulsion of liquid waste

 

I have never witnessed explosive diarrhea.  Thanks to the infantile stages of my children and grandchildren I have experienced the major diaper blowout and the runny poo.  I have endured the consequences and smell of those disasters.  As messy, gross, and smelly as these encounters were they apparently come nowhere close to explosive diarrhea. Explosive diarrhea, in my imagination, is head and shoulders—and spewed everywhere—above anything that regular diarrhea ever could be.  Where one is a mess, the other seems to be a catastrophe.  Where one is a smelly inconvenience, the other is potentially a maiming and possible death. 

 

Scary.

 

My wife was the one who stumbled upon the story by PBS.  Being a good mother, she forwarded the story to her children—more out of humor than concern.  She thinks that “explosive diarrhea” sounds funny.  The kids (at least one of them) took the information to heart.  They wanted to know if any cases of Cyclosporiasis had been reported in Montana.  Fortunately, Michigan, Ohio, and a few other states have reported a few thousand cases.  But who knows for certain about Montana, under the brilliant guidance of the president and his astute leader of the Department of Health, states no longer must report information about outbreaks like “explosive diarrhea”.  We Montanans are too proud to admit if we even have diarrhea, so why would we let the world know we have the explosive kind?  Might hurt tourism.  It would be a stain on our state’s reputation.

 

Apparently, this outbreak is nowhere close to being an epidemic.  If it were at epidemic proportions, there would be a massive shortage of toilet paper.  I imagine that explosive diarrhea would need epic amounts of toilet paper.  Then I would be concerned.  Being somewhat logical in my thinking . . . there are 349 million people in the United States.  Only a couple of thousand cases of explosive diarrhea have been reported.  That means that .000859598854 percent of our nation has contracted explosive diarrhea.  Though I am not a gambler, I would bet we are all safe and should not lose any sleep over this explosive diarrhea outbreak

 

Still, you must admit, “explosive diarrhea” sounds funny . . . humorous.  Admit it, you smiled when you heard it.  Explosive and diarrhea do not and should not go together.  They don’t mix, but when they do—yuck.  Picture it.  A person sitting in a chair.  Suddenly there is a roar of a gurgling sound, a thundering herd of horses . . . and BOOM!  An explosion.  Crap everywhere—loose crap, watery crap everywhere.  The mess . . . the smell.  Explosive diarrhea.  Wouldn’t want to be around it.  Wouldn’t want to have it.

 

Don’t panic.  Despite PBS’s excellent reporting on the outbreak of explosive diarrhea—we are safe.  But just in case, don’t go to Michigan or Ohio.  Make sure you clean your fruit and vegetables, wipe down your counters, avoid artificial sweeteners, and know what your body can handle.  As Bucky the Broccoli says, “You, too, can prevent explosive diarrhea!”  You’ll have to excuse me now, after all this diarrhea talk, I feel a great need to wash my hands.