Losing My Mind

I'm losing my mind . . . at least that is what an article in USA Today says.  Apparently (unbeknownest to me) my mind has been secretly wandering off since 2003--that was the year I turned 45 years old.  According to new research  conducted by INSERM's Center for Research in Epidemiology & Population Health at the Paul-Brousse Hospital in Paris, France, the old standard of starting to lose one's mind at age 60 is not true as it was once believed.  "Cognitive function in normal, healthy adults begins to decline earlier than previously thought," said study author Archana Singh-Manoux.  "It is widely believed that cognitive ability does not decline before the age of 60. We were able to show robust cognitive decline even in individuals aged 45 to 49 years."

The study states that among men aged 45 to 49, reasoning skills declined by nearly four percent, and for those aged 65 to 70 those skills dropped by about nearly ten percent.  For women, the decline in reasoning approached five percent for those aged 45 to 49 and about seven percent for those 65 to 70, the researchers found. Unfortunately, this means that my mind has gotten a good head start on me . . . I don't think I can catch it!  Sneaky little fart . . . and fast too! 

This probably explains a lot . . . like why I can't remember my children's birthdays and always have to either ask the wife or look them up.  I just know they keep getting older.  Luckily I remember their names: number one son, daughter, number two son, and number three son.  As long as they line up that way everything is fine!  I've gotten lousy at remembering names and because of that I nod my head a lot and say things like "Hey you!"  I can't remember my passwords for all the accounts I have on the computer so I finally broke down and use the same one for everything--"password"--works like a charm . . . especially when I'm racking my brain trying to remember what the password was.  Oh, yeah!  Password!  But the nice thing about a declining memory is that I sure do meet a lot of new people every day--some I've known since I was a kid!  The drive into the big city is always exciting because it is always an adventure over new terrain.  I can watch the episodes of  Two Men and a Boy--no, that's not true!  My mind might be escaping but it's not that far gone! 

The point is that my mind is not as sharp as it used to be, but then again, it was never that sharp.  If the research is correct then it is only down hill from here--ten percent every 25 years after the age of 45.  At that rate I should totally lose my mind by the age of 295--it will be biblical!!  That will be getting up there with the Old Testament big boys!  But the researchers said that the brain is like any other muscle and that exercise will keep it sharp and functioning.  One researcher stated that "what is good for the heart is good for the head," which makes living a healthy lifestyle a part of slowing cognitive decline.

Exercise--that is a four-letter word.  It doesn't make sense to me to torture nearly 90 percent of my body to make the brain healthy and stronger.  The rest of my body is staging a sit down on this one--they are protesting.  Exercise means work and sweat, all while the brain sits up there in the comfortable confines of the skull.  Doesn't seem quite fair to the rest of the body--but the heart throws in its two cents worth when it reminds the rest of the body that if it goes, they all go.  They're warming up to the idea of exercise.  I figure I can afford to put off the exercise for a couple of decades since the cognitive ability only fades at ten percent every 25 years.  Shoot, people have told me I a half-wit anyways, and life hasn't been too bad so far.

The bottom line is that I was surprised to learn that my mind has been slowly sneaking out on me for the past eight years.  At the rate I am losing my mind I can be a real Democrat in about another twenty years, a real Republican in about another week!  Oh well, I am going to miss my mind!

If you see my mind please send it home.  It is missed!!