Love is Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

I will admit that I have a sappy, sentimental streak.  I sometimes tear up at movies and songs that touch my emotions.  I just can’t help it whenever those emotions well up and come spilling out.  As I get older it seems to affect me more often.  The difference now is that I am not so quick to blurt the excuse that “something got in my eyes” . . . no, the truth is “something touched my heart.”

In 1970 the big hot-to-trot romantic movie was Love Story starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw.  A real tearjerker.  The movie was written by Eric Segal based on the book that he wrote with the same title.  Both the book and the movie were huge successes.  Outside of a huge crush on Ali MacGraw, the movie did not do much for me.  It was hokey . . . and I lost all respect for it when MacGraw blurted out to O’Neal, after an angry argument in which he apologizes, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” Actually, what was said was, “Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.”

 

That is something a person in an abusive relationship believes.

 

The falsehood behind that statement is that this is how unconditional love is . . . a love that never goes away . . . despite hurtful mistakes, words, and actions.  This is hogwash.  “Society fills our heads with all sorts of nonsensical notions about how we should think, feel, and act,” writes Dr. David Luddon in an article for Psychology Today.  “The idea that love means never having to say you’re sorry is emotionally appealing.  Yet nothing could be further than the truth.”

 

I think politicians—especially during election years (and what year is not an election year)—have been falling back on this fallacy since 1970 when Love Story romantically proclaimed it.  “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.”  Politicians embrace it and roll it out whenever they hurt or insult the people.  They never apologize.  Why?  Because they love the people so much . . . unconditionally.  Why else would they ever be running for public office?  They love people and because they unconditionally love the people they are never going to admit they were wrong and hurtful.  Never going to apologize.  Never. It would be a “sign” of weakness.  No one wants a “weak” person leading our governments no matter at what level that government is.  

 

Which brings up Tim Sheehy.  Sheehy is the transplant millionaire campaigning to be one of Montana’s senators.  He is embracing this altruistic baloney while slinging mud and falsehoods across the campaign trail.  He seems to be an equal opportunity mudslinger leaving no stone or person unturned and untouched as he insults those, he is running against . . . and he does it because he loves Montana and the people who call it home.  He loves us . . . unconditionally.  So why should he apologize if he insults and hurts us?

 

Remember . . . “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.”

 

Hogwash!  Ask Montana’s indigenous population.  Ask the people of the Crow Nation.  Sheehy has been exposed for making racist and antiquated statements that stereotype Native Americans at several fundraising events over the past year.  Even sadder than the statements he made was the fact that those gathered laughed.  Janine Pease, a respected and admired elder and wisdom-keeper of the Crow Nation was rightly outraged by the statements he made.  Like other indigenous in Montana and across the country she demands an apology.  Read her post on her Facebook page.

 

Unfortunately, it is an apology that probably will never come . . . Tim Sheehy loves the Crow people too much to apologize.  He has got their best interests in mind.  Because of this unconditional love he is never going to apologize.  It would make him look weak.  Who wants a weak leader representing Montana in the Senate?

 

Typically, there are two reasons why a person cannot apologize . . . they don’t care and believe that it doesn’t matter.  Let us not fool ourselves into believing that Sheehy is an outlier.  He is not.  Most politicians are in the same boat.  They don’t care and cannot see or accept the impact of their words upon those they put down.  It has been a long time since they cared and half-hearted or half-assed apologized.  They don’t care and it does not matter.  Candidates running for office from the president on down to the local dog catcher are doing it.  They all smile and respond, “Who loves ya, baby?”

 

It breaks my heart.  Breaks by heart to realize how far we—"the people”—have fallen for this and allowed ourselves to be in such an abusive situation/relationship.  What Sheehy has done is wrong.  An apology is not good enough for the Crow Nation and other indigenous Montanans.  Saying “I’m sorry” is not good enough.  Reconciliation is necessary . . . a reconciliation that I believe will never happen, just as an apology will never be given.

 

We, the people of the United States of America, should demand more from those who are seeking to represent us.  Throw away the words of the politicians because those words ring hollow.  Instead demand that action take place.  Make the words congruent with actions.  Don’t tell us that you love us—show us.  Until then we—the American people—need to step out of this abusive relationship.  As it has been said before, “vote the bums out.”

 

I stand with my brothers and sisters of the Crow Nation . . . of the indigenous people of Montana and beyond . . . in their woundedness.  I feel their pain . . . their frustration . . . their anger.  This is not some remote incident.  It happens all the time.  Turn on your television, listen to your radios, read the papers, check out the social media . . . it is there in plain sight for all to see.  We must quit nervously laughing and being silent on such injustice and cruelty.  We are better than that and deserve better.  No, love is not never apologizing.  Love is holding those who have hurt us and others up to the standards of love—treating others as we would want to be treated, respect, acceptance, and inclusion.

 

“I’m sorry” is not good enough.  Nothing short of reconciliation is “true, unconditional love.”  That is something that brings a tear to my eyes every time.