Sticks and Stones

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But words shall never hurt me

 

 

The antiquated rhyme taught to children around 1830 and repeated ever since was meant to be defense against name-calling and verbal bullying.  It was meant to increase resiliency, avoid physical retaliation, and/or remain calm and indifferent to such abuse.  As well intended as those words were meant to be . . . the truth is that words can hurt and destroy.

 

We all know it.  We’ve all experienced it.

 

During the Second World War the popular idiom of propaganda was. “Loose lips sink ships.”  Though it was meant to warm people about the consequences of sharing confidential information with the enemy, today it can be applied to everyday situations, reminding people to be mindful of what they say and the impact it might have on others.

 

Ask the people of Springfield, Ohio . . . especially those of the Haitian descent. 

 

It all started because of words and loose lips.

 

Remember the children’s game—Telephone?  Everyone lines up or sits in a circle.  One person starts by whispering a statement or phrase that is passed onto the person beside them.  This continues to happen until it reaches the end of the line or goes around the circle.  The last person then shares what was heard.  Rarely what was said makes it to the end intact.  Usually, it is miles away from what was originally shared.

 

As a game it is fun and good for a few laughs.  In life this is a dangerous game that can hurt, can damage and traumatize, lead to violence, ruin lives, and even kill in this day of social media.

 

Ask the people of Springfield, Ohio.

 

Ask Erika Lee . . . “It exploded into something I didn’t mean to happen.”  Bomb threats closing schools, public spaces, government offices, and the local university.  Threats of violence.  All because of words . . . misspoken and untrue words.  Words that hurt.  Words that created threats and instilled fear.  Misguided words.  Words that lead beyond broken bones and dance around death.  Ask Erika.  Ask her about the words she spoke . . . it is Telephone gone wrong.

 

It started with a Facebook post that spread a harmful and baseless claim about the community’s Haitian immigrants eating local pets . . . pets claimed to be disappearing.  A falsehood she had heard from a friend who had heard it from a friend who had heard it from an acquaintance of a friend.  By the time it had run the gamut it exploded and became viral.

 

That explosion was primed by politics and politicians seizing an opportunity to stoke and exploit fear among the masses . . . to probe their misinformed point about immigrants being dangerous and bane on the nation. Those illegals and undesirables.  They eat our pets . . . our dogs and cats!  Thanks to the politicians the Telephone game ran rampant and out of control.  First, the Republican vice-presidential candidate, J.D. Vance, spouted the falsehood.  Then his boss, the presidential candidate—Donald Trump, hooks onto it and uses it to prove a point in the presidential debate on national television and radio with millions watching and listening.

 

Boom!  It went viral.  The rumor and falsehood spread like wildfire spawning conspiracy and hatred.  This anti-immigrant fervor led to school and municipal building closures.  Families pulled their children from school and activities out of fear.  It pushed into hiding the Haitian community because of the fear it had created.  People are fearful for their lives all because someone said a falsehood . . . a lie.

 

The Springfield authorities—including local law enforcement—have stated that this is not true.  It is a falsehood.  A lie.  The community’s pets are safe.  The people of Springfield have said that there is no truth to what was said.  Even J.D. Vance has offhandedly admitted that there is no truth, but still encourages his faithful to keep it up despite knowing it is false.  The game continues to be played.  Even Donald Trump lies about it and continues to perpetuate the lie.  No one, outside of Erika Lee, has shown any compassion or remorse for the words spoken.  And why should they . . . after all, “words will never hurt” anyone.

 

Sadly, we know better.  Words can hurt.  Words can provoke.  Words can lead to threats and acts of violence.  Words can kill . . . figuratively, mentally, spiritually, and physically.  We have seen it before, and we are witnessing it now.  Look no further than Springfield, Ohio.

 

Those who speak such words should be held accountable.  Yet, as a whole, we sit back in silence . . . or we might say, “Knock it off!” If these words were spoken by our children, we would not ignore it.  We would hold our children accountable for the words that they have spoken and also to the consequences of those words.  As we have seen there are consequences to the words that are spoken.  We know the power of words.  We should be mindful of the words that are spoken . . . by us, by those around us, and by those we elect to be our representatives and leaders.

 

As we have seen in the evolving world of politics, words have become a weapon . . . a weapon to instill fear, to hurt, to polarize, to wield power, to control, to belittle.  Words have become nasty and seemingly meant to destroy instead of being used to build up.  In all honesty, most of us do not like it.  We abhor it.  Yet, we sit still.  We are quiet.  We are scared of those who are spouting out the vile words of hate and fear.  We shy away from holding those who wield the words accountable.

 

Look what happened to Springfield, Ohio . . . its community . . . its people.  All because of words.  It is wrong.  We, the people, need to take back the words . . . words are holy . . . words are powerful . . . words can build and lift up and love.  They do not have to tear down.  Just listen to the opposition and the words she speaks . . . there is hope.  But we need to reclaim the words.  Stop using them as a weapon and instead embrace them as tools to build up everyone.

 

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord.”  Words are holy.  We are all holy.  Let us never forgot.

Love is Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

I will admit that I have a sappy, sentimental streak.  I sometimes tear up at movies and songs that touch my emotions.  I just can’t help it whenever those emotions well up and come spilling out.  As I get older it seems to affect me more often.  The difference now is that I am not so quick to blurt the excuse that “something got in my eyes” . . . no, the truth is “something touched my heart.”

In 1970 the big hot-to-trot romantic movie was Love Story starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw.  A real tearjerker.  The movie was written by Eric Segal based on the book that he wrote with the same title.  Both the book and the movie were huge successes.  Outside of a huge crush on Ali MacGraw, the movie did not do much for me.  It was hokey . . . and I lost all respect for it when MacGraw blurted out to O’Neal, after an angry argument in which he apologizes, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” Actually, what was said was, “Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.”

 

That is something a person in an abusive relationship believes.

 

The falsehood behind that statement is that this is how unconditional love is . . . a love that never goes away . . . despite hurtful mistakes, words, and actions.  This is hogwash.  “Society fills our heads with all sorts of nonsensical notions about how we should think, feel, and act,” writes Dr. David Luddon in an article for Psychology Today.  “The idea that love means never having to say you’re sorry is emotionally appealing.  Yet nothing could be further than the truth.”

 

I think politicians—especially during election years (and what year is not an election year)—have been falling back on this fallacy since 1970 when Love Story romantically proclaimed it.  “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.”  Politicians embrace it and roll it out whenever they hurt or insult the people.  They never apologize.  Why?  Because they love the people so much . . . unconditionally.  Why else would they ever be running for public office?  They love people and because they unconditionally love the people they are never going to admit they were wrong and hurtful.  Never going to apologize.  Never. It would be a “sign” of weakness.  No one wants a “weak” person leading our governments no matter at what level that government is.  

 

Which brings up Tim Sheehy.  Sheehy is the transplant millionaire campaigning to be one of Montana’s senators.  He is embracing this altruistic baloney while slinging mud and falsehoods across the campaign trail.  He seems to be an equal opportunity mudslinger leaving no stone or person unturned and untouched as he insults those, he is running against . . . and he does it because he loves Montana and the people who call it home.  He loves us . . . unconditionally.  So why should he apologize if he insults and hurts us?

 

Remember . . . “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.”

 

Hogwash!  Ask Montana’s indigenous population.  Ask the people of the Crow Nation.  Sheehy has been exposed for making racist and antiquated statements that stereotype Native Americans at several fundraising events over the past year.  Even sadder than the statements he made was the fact that those gathered laughed.  Janine Pease, a respected and admired elder and wisdom-keeper of the Crow Nation was rightly outraged by the statements he made.  Like other indigenous in Montana and across the country she demands an apology.  Read her post on her Facebook page.

 

Unfortunately, it is an apology that probably will never come . . . Tim Sheehy loves the Crow people too much to apologize.  He has got their best interests in mind.  Because of this unconditional love he is never going to apologize.  It would make him look weak.  Who wants a weak leader representing Montana in the Senate?

 

Typically, there are two reasons why a person cannot apologize . . . they don’t care and believe that it doesn’t matter.  Let us not fool ourselves into believing that Sheehy is an outlier.  He is not.  Most politicians are in the same boat.  They don’t care and cannot see or accept the impact of their words upon those they put down.  It has been a long time since they cared and half-hearted or half-assed apologized.  They don’t care and it does not matter.  Candidates running for office from the president on down to the local dog catcher are doing it.  They all smile and respond, “Who loves ya, baby?”

 

It breaks my heart.  Breaks by heart to realize how far we—"the people”—have fallen for this and allowed ourselves to be in such an abusive situation/relationship.  What Sheehy has done is wrong.  An apology is not good enough for the Crow Nation and other indigenous Montanans.  Saying “I’m sorry” is not good enough.  Reconciliation is necessary . . . a reconciliation that I believe will never happen, just as an apology will never be given.

 

We, the people of the United States of America, should demand more from those who are seeking to represent us.  Throw away the words of the politicians because those words ring hollow.  Instead demand that action take place.  Make the words congruent with actions.  Don’t tell us that you love us—show us.  Until then we—the American people—need to step out of this abusive relationship.  As it has been said before, “vote the bums out.”

 

I stand with my brothers and sisters of the Crow Nation . . . of the indigenous people of Montana and beyond . . . in their woundedness.  I feel their pain . . . their frustration . . . their anger.  This is not some remote incident.  It happens all the time.  Turn on your television, listen to your radios, read the papers, check out the social media . . . it is there in plain sight for all to see.  We must quit nervously laughing and being silent on such injustice and cruelty.  We are better than that and deserve better.  No, love is not never apologizing.  Love is holding those who have hurt us and others up to the standards of love—treating others as we would want to be treated, respect, acceptance, and inclusion.

 

“I’m sorry” is not good enough.  Nothing short of reconciliation is “true, unconditional love.”  That is something that brings a tear to my eyes every time.