By a Nose . . . Picking

I knew it!

For a long time, I had a sneaky suspicion but never could quite find the evidence I needed to confirm it.  Thanks to my old friend in Michigan, Clif, I stumbled upon the proof I was looking for.  Yesterday, on Facebook, my friend posted: “Get your finger out of your nose.  The internet doctor says it causes all kinds of problems up to and including dementia.”

 

Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  Winner, winner, chicken dinner! 

 

Years ago, I wrote a blog about the number one thing that people do while driving . . . they pick their noses!  I bet you thought I was going to say that they sing, but singing was number two.  Number two by a long shot.  Studies have shown that two-thirds of Americans pick their noses while they drive.  That is a lot of nose-picking!

 

Also, over the years, I have written several blogs about driving in Montana.  Driving in Montana is basically an activity that one does at one’s own risk.  Montana ranks (number nine) as one of the most dangerous states to drive in.  Look it up.  I will admit that it is adventurous.  Part of it must do, in my estimation, with the fact that two-thirds of the drivers are picking their noses!  That is why they are so terrible as drivers.  They are losing their minds! 

 

Until now I could never prove it . . . but thanks to my Michigan friend . . . the proof is in the writing.  Nose-picking “causes all kinds of problems up to and including dementia.”

 

As my children were growing up, the wife and I would always get on them about picking their noses.  You know kids, they are always sticking their fingers up their noses.  I jokingly asked them (and now my grandchildren), if they were getting a little low on fluid . . . brain fluid, that is.  The implication was that their finger was like a dipstick for measuring the level of their brain fluid.  We’d tell them that it is unsanitary.  That it would make their nose bleed.  That was gross.  For the most part, they grew out of it . . . or at least that is what I thought.  Now I am not so sure.  After all, two-thirds of Americans pick their noses while driving.  That means some of my children are nosepickers when they drive.  I just don’t know which ones and none of them are up to confessing.

 

Never did I ever think to scare them to quit picking their noses by telling them that it could make them lose their minds.  Research says it is possible.  Research concluded that nose-picking introduces germs into the nasal cavity which trigger the brain to produce beta-amyloid—a sticky protein compound that accumulates in the brain—as a defense mechanism.  Beta-amyloid is believed to be a leading cause of progressive dementia that characterizes Alzheimer’s.  Check out the National Institutes of Health (NIH) research at this link.  Who would have thought!

 

Please understand that dementia and Alzheimer’s is a nasty, complicated, frustrating, sad medical condition that tears families and individuals up.  I know because I have family members who have been crippled by it.  No one would ever wish that on anyone else.  Sadly, it is a growing issue touching more and more people across the world.  And, as such a complicated medical dilemma, it is too simplistic to jump to the conclusion that nose-picking caused any person to ever fall into dementia or Alzheimer’s.  It would be disrespectful to all those affected by this medical issue.

 

Yet, at the same time, I am simple-minded—like most Americans.  In the simplistic renderings of my mind, seeking quick answers to questions . . . well, as I said earlier, this information confirmed that sneaky suspicion I had about all those crazy Montana drivers.

 

Think about it.

 

Two-thirds of all Americans pick their noses while driving.  That means that two-thirds of Montanans pick their noses while driving.

 

Picking one’s nose can lead to dementia and Alzheimer’s.  Both are the losing of one’s mind . . . a wasting away that impairs the ability to remember, think, or make decisions that interfere with doing everyday activities.  That would include driving.

 

Poof!  That proves my point of how I see the craziness of Montana drivers.  They are picking their noses!  Yes, I know . . . that is too simple.  But you must admit that it adds up . . . that it makes sense . . . that it explains a whole bunch.  At least that was what I came up with.  Being a good American, plus knowing I got all the information off the Internet (which we all know is the truth as it is the most reliable source of information) . . . I have run with it.

 

Now that the problem has been named . . . what are we going to do about it?

 

I think the state of Montana ought to offer up a couple of million dollars of the state’s taxpayers to start an anti-nose-picking campaign . . . at least get it off our highways!  Think of all the cool slogans that could be used:

 

“Don’t pick and drive!”

“Snot here!”

“Pickanosis is preventable—just don’t do it!”

“Nose mining prohibited.”

“The nose—a terrible thing to pick.”

“Pick flowers not your nose.”

“Solve the issue—grab a tissue.”

 

It could be a two-prong campaign (one for each nostril) . . . one for health, one for safe driving.  Killing two birds with one stone.  Compared to some of the other spending the state legislators have spent money on, I imagine quite a few Montanans would go for it.  Who doesn’t want safer roadways and health?  I know I would.

 

Another thing that we can do is to do our own part.  I know it will be tough, but we can do it.  We can all vow to stop picking our noses.  It may take one nostril at a time, but we can do it.  The difficulty will be in the fact that Montana is a great big state . . . it is 147,040 miles in size . . . it has 69,567 miles of roads . . . and nothing is close to each other.  Lots of road time, lots of time for nose-picking. Idle hands and boredom lead to picking!  Maybe the state can provide free nose plugs with each driver’s license. 

 

Whatever the case, we just need to stop picking our noses!  It could save a life . . . yours.  It sounds so simple, but then again . . . I am simple.