Explosive!

If the Public Broadcasting System (PBS) is concerned, Americans should be concerned.  After all, PBS is a highly regarded and reliable source for news and information that affects the citizens of the United States of America.  A recent PBS report raised awareness of an outbreak of Cyclosporiasis. For the uninformed, Cyclosporiasis is an intestinal illness caused by the cyclospora cayetanensis parasite.  Cyclosporiasis is transmitted through consumption of food or water that is contaminated with feces.  It is not fatal, but it is uncomfortable creating nausea, fatigue, bloating . . . and explosive diarrhea.

You read that right . . . explosive diarrhea.

 

Diarrhea . . . Montezuma’s revenge . . . Hershey squirts . . . the runs . . . the trots.  I’m certain that we are all familiar with diarrhea no matter what name we call it.  We know how uncomfortable, frustrating, and embarrassing diarrhea can be.  But if a person can set aside all of those feelings and emotions associated with diarrhea, they would discover that in reality if is a fascinating topic.

 

Diarrhea is not a disease.  Despite its insistence of wanting to be called a disease . . . it is not.  Nope, it is a symptom.  Diarrhea is a disruption in the process of the body absorbing liquid.  Did you know that 99% of the liquid ingested and secreted by the salivary glands (stomach, liver, and pancreas) are absorbed by the digestive tract (intestines and colon).  On average, this is 9-10 liters of liquid a day.  In addition, small intestines can absorb 6-8 liters.  That is a whopping five gallons of fluid a day.  Diarrhea occurs when there is a disruption in this process.  This process disruption creates a frequent passage of a loose or watery stool.

 

The causes of diarrhea are varied: parasitic infection, bacterial or viral infection, bowel diseases, allergies, medication, and artificial sweeteners.  The two most common bacterial causes are salmonella and E. coli, while rotavirus, viral gastroenteritis, and norovirus are the viral causes.  Bowel disease would be Crohn’s Disease and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).  Allergies fall into that category of eating something “that did not agree” with us—foods, lactose, and gluten.  Medication can be a culprit.  Too many artificial sweeteners.  And parasitic infection—Giardia lamblia and Cryptosporidium—water-borne parasites.  They all cause diarrhea.

 

But . . . explosive diarrhea?

 

That sounds ominous and dangerous.  Diarrhea is one thing . . . explosive . . . well, that is a whole other realm.  I have witnessed explosions . . . the loud boom and then debris flying.  Explosive sounds violent . . . intrusive . . . loud.  Picturing diarrhea as being “explosive” is gross . . . a yucky image . . . a real mess.  Smelly too.  Explosive diarrhea is a severe form marked by abnormally forceful bowel contractions and a high volume of gas, resulting in a sudden, high-pressure, and sometimes loud expulsion of liquid waste

 

I have never witnessed explosive diarrhea.  Thanks to the infantile stages of my children and grandchildren I have experienced the major diaper blowout and the runny poo.  I have endured the consequences and smell of those disasters.  As messy, gross, and smelly as these encounters were they apparently come nowhere close to explosive diarrhea. Explosive diarrhea, in my imagination, is head and shoulders—and spewed everywhere—above anything that regular diarrhea ever could be.  Where one is a mess, the other seems to be a catastrophe.  Where one is a smelly inconvenience, the other is potentially a maiming and possible death. 

 

Scary.

 

My wife was the one who stumbled upon the story by PBS.  Being a good mother, she forwarded the story to her children—more out of humor than concern.  She thinks that “explosive diarrhea” sounds funny.  The kids (at least one of them) took the information to heart.  They wanted to know if any cases of Cyclosporiasis had been reported in Montana.  Fortunately, Michigan, Ohio, and a few other states have reported a few thousand cases.  But who knows for certain about Montana, under the brilliant guidance of the president and his astute leader of the Department of Health, states no longer must report information about outbreaks like “explosive diarrhea”.  We Montanans are too proud to admit if we even have diarrhea, so why would we let the world know we have the explosive kind?  Might hurt tourism.  It would be a stain on our state’s reputation.

 

Apparently, this outbreak is nowhere close to being an epidemic.  If it were at epidemic proportions, there would be a massive shortage of toilet paper.  I imagine that explosive diarrhea would need epic amounts of toilet paper.  Then I would be concerned.  Being somewhat logical in my thinking . . . there are 349 million people in the United States.  Only a couple of thousand cases of explosive diarrhea have been reported.  That means that .000859598854 percent of our nation has contracted explosive diarrhea.  Though I am not a gambler, I would bet we are all safe and should not lose any sleep over this explosive diarrhea outbreak

 

Still, you must admit, “explosive diarrhea” sounds funny . . . humorous.  Admit it, you smiled when you heard it.  Explosive and diarrhea do not and should not go together.  They don’t mix, but when they do—yuck.  Picture it.  A person sitting in a chair.  Suddenly there is a roar of a gurgling sound, a thundering herd of horses . . . and BOOM!  An explosion.  Crap everywhere—loose crap, watery crap everywhere.  The mess . . . the smell.  Explosive diarrhea.  Wouldn’t want to be around it.  Wouldn’t want to have it.

 

Don’t panic.  Despite PBS’s excellent reporting on the outbreak of explosive diarrhea—we are safe.  But just in case, don’t go to Michigan or Ohio.  Make sure you clean your fruit and vegetables, wipe down your counters, avoid artificial sweeteners, and know what your body can handle.  As Bucky the Broccoli says, “You, too, can prevent explosive diarrhea!”  You’ll have to excuse me now, after all this diarrhea talk, I feel a great need to wash my hands.

 

Among the Best: Montana

I bet you didn’t know . . . 

Damn!  I did it again!

 

You were probably not aware that Montana has an issue with gambling.  According to an article that popped up on the ever reliable and accurate social media, Montana ranks as the third most gambling-addicted state in the United States.  Betcha . . . oops!  I imagine you were not aware of this because I had no clue that Montana had an affinity towards games of chance . . .namely gambling.  Who would have thought, given the population of the state, that the odds favored the Treasure State ranking in the top three of gambling addicted states.

 

The article states that 2.5 percent of Montana’s population has what they call a “gambling disorder”.  Approximately one to three percent of adults sin the United States has a gambling disorder.  A gambling disorder is also known as “compulsive gambling” is defined as “a serious, diagnosable mental health condition characterized by the uncontrollable urge to gamble despite severe personal, financial, and social consequences.”  It is listed in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)—the sacred and holy grail for all things mental health in the medical field.  It is the “go to” tome.  When gambling gets out of control it can lead to serious economic consequences, social issues, and personal problems.  It can ruin lives and destroy families.

 

The deck is stacked against Montana when it comes to gambling.  Only South Dakota and top dog Nevada ranked higher.  It is no surprise that Nevada ranks number one as it is home to Las Vegas, the gambling capital of America.  Nevada ranks number one in casinos and gaming machines per capita, has the highest overall gambling revenue, most arrests for illegal gambling, and take the cake when it comes to Gamblers Anonymous meeting per capita.  Gambling is Nevada, Nevada is gambling.

 

At number two is South Dakota.  Have you been to South Dakota?  What else is there to do?  It is no wonder that gambling is so prevalent.  With nothing else to do, South Dakotans gamble . . . casinos and gaming machines are prevalent in retail and convenience stores . . . high prevalence—being the 11^th ranked state—in purchasing lottery tickets.  Gambling is everywhere.  Like Nevada it ranks high in Gamblers Anonymous meetings.  If you’ve been to South Dakota you know.  It’s been said that the two best things that ever came out of South Dakota are Interstates 90 and 29 . . . and now gambling.  People have to do something, so they gamble.

 

Like Nevada and South Dakota, Montana has a lot of casinos.  It seems as if there is a casino in every town in Big Sky Country . . . one on every corner is the saying here.  Thanks to Town Pump (gasoline company) there seems to be a casino in every Montana community.  When it comes to casinos, Montana is ranked number five (actually number two because the four states above it is tied for first—Nevada, Oklahoma, North and South Dakota).  If not casinos, then gaming machines . . . Montana jumps to first in a tie with Nevada, Oklahoma, and South Dakota.  Gambling is everywhere and you can lay money down on that.

 

There I go again . . . betcha didn’t know any of that.

 

When the wife and I moved to Nebraska decades ago there was some apprehension on her part.  She wondered if there was a gambling issue in the Big Red state because every time she asked for directions or assistance, she was greeted with a big ol’ “you betcha!”  Seems to be a standard catch phrase in Nebraska.  It was a fluke as Nebraska only ranks 30^th when it comes to gambling disorders.  “You betcha” is a common phrase out here in the west and Montana . . . but it is no fluke that it is popular in Big Sky Country.

 

Gambling is considered by many to be a vice.  It is heavily regulated by the state and federal government as most vices are . . . where there is money to be made on a vice the government is involved.  Gambling is a vice . . . some say sin . . . but none the less, it is a vice.  Montana loves its vices.  Gambling involves lots of sitting around seemingly doing nothing but feeding coins into slots.  Lots of down time.  Which brings up another vice Montanans seem to love and are ranked high in . . . drinking.

 

When it comes to alcohol consumption, the Big Sky state comes in fifth behind New Hampshire, Delaware, Nevada, and North Dakota.  The average Montanan drinks 3.10 gallons of booze a year.  That figure is probably skewed since there is a high prevalence of binge drinking” in the state.  Only three states and the District of Columbia have greater odds for going out on a bender. Montana ranks fifth overall or fourth if you drop out the District of Columbia.  Of course, the district is ranked number one—that is where the federal government is located with all the nation’s politicians.  I’d drink heavily if I had to live there, especially now.

 

Probably should throw pot into the mix.  In the United States the percentage of Montanans using cannabis in the past year was 23.44 percent.  This ranked Montana as number six.  Since the legalization of cannabis use in Montana there has been a shift in substance use.  Marijuana use has seen a significant rise with 15 percent of adults using it.  At the same time there has been a downward shift of less alcohol use—yet, at the same time, binge drinking ranks in the top nation-wide.  With all the free time that comes with gambling a person turns to other thrills, and it is nice that they have their choice of poison . . . alcohol or pot.  Still considered a vice by many.

 

When it comes to vices, Montana competes with the best of them.  Montana holds its own—you can bet on that.  You can toast that.  Apparently, Montanans like their vices—gambling, drinking, smoking, and sex.  Sex . . . I haven’t mentioned anything about sex as a Montana vice.  Seems talking about sex is a private personal thing and isn’t put out there for public consumption.  But there was a time in Montana when it had quite a robust commerce selling sex.  The state has a notable history when it comes to prostitution, brothels, and red-light districts.  The brothels died in the 1970s and 80s.  One of my favorite watering holes/restaurants in the state capital of Helena is the Windbag Saloon and Grill.  This bar was (and still is) a favorite for the state legislators to gather after a day’s legislative sessions to down a few drinks—thus the name “Windbag”.  At the same time for a long time, it was also a brothel operated by Big Dorothy Baker.  She closed shop after a raid in 1973.  But let’s just say that it still carries that ambience and historical significance today.  The Dumas Brothel in Butte has the distinction of having been the longest continuous running house of ill-repute in the United States history from 1890 until it shuttered its doors in 1982.  Though less blatant than the infamous brothels and red light districts the shift has been towards more subtle and what some think is more respectable forms—illegal massage parlors.  A recent investigation into human trafficking revealed that there are at least 50 of these parlors throughout the state.  Trust me, sex still sells.  It’s big business and I imagine, though mostly under the radar, that Montana holds its own when it comes to sex.

 

I bet you a five-spot that you didn’t know any of this—gambling, drinking, smoking, and sex—had such a lofty ranking in Big Sky Country.  Montana can compete with the best when it comes to vices.  For better or worse, it is a part of who Montana and its residents are.  You can bet on it.  You can drink to it.  You can even light up a joint and smoke to it.  You’ll fit right in.  When it comes to vices it is safe money that Montanans will be in the race. You can bet on it.

 

Damn . . . I did it again!