Among the Best: Montana

I bet you didn’t know . . . 

Damn!  I did it again!

 

You were probably not aware that Montana has an issue with gambling.  According to an article that popped up on the ever reliable and accurate social media, Montana ranks as the third most gambling-addicted state in the United States.  Betcha . . . oops!  I imagine you were not aware of this because I had no clue that Montana had an affinity towards games of chance . . .namely gambling.  Who would have thought, given the population of the state, that the odds favored the Treasure State ranking in the top three of gambling addicted states.

 

The article states that 2.5 percent of Montana’s population has what they call a “gambling disorder”.  Approximately one to three percent of adults sin the United States has a gambling disorder.  A gambling disorder is also known as “compulsive gambling” is defined as “a serious, diagnosable mental health condition characterized by the uncontrollable urge to gamble despite severe personal, financial, and social consequences.”  It is listed in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)—the sacred and holy grail for all things mental health in the medical field.  It is the “go to” tome.  When gambling gets out of control it can lead to serious economic consequences, social issues, and personal problems.  It can ruin lives and destroy families.

 

The deck is stacked against Montana when it comes to gambling.  Only South Dakota and top dog Nevada ranked higher.  It is no surprise that Nevada ranks number one as it is home to Las Vegas, the gambling capital of America.  Nevada ranks number one in casinos and gaming machines per capita, has the highest overall gambling revenue, most arrests for illegal gambling, and take the cake when it comes to Gamblers Anonymous meeting per capita.  Gambling is Nevada, Nevada is gambling.

 

At number two is South Dakota.  Have you been to South Dakota?  What else is there to do?  It is no wonder that gambling is so prevalent.  With nothing else to do, South Dakotans gamble . . . casinos and gaming machines are prevalent in retail and convenience stores . . . high prevalence—being the 11^th ranked state—in purchasing lottery tickets.  Gambling is everywhere.  Like Nevada it ranks high in Gamblers Anonymous meetings.  If you’ve been to South Dakota you know.  It’s been said that the two best things that ever came out of South Dakota are Interstates 90 and 29 . . . and now gambling.  People have to do something, so they gamble.

 

Like Nevada and South Dakota, Montana has a lot of casinos.  It seems as if there is a casino in every town in Big Sky Country . . . one on every corner is the saying here.  Thanks to Town Pump (gasoline company) there seems to be a casino in every Montana community.  When it comes to casinos, Montana is ranked number five (actually number two because the four states above it is tied for first—Nevada, Oklahoma, North and South Dakota).  If not casinos, then gaming machines . . . Montana jumps to first in a tie with Nevada, Oklahoma, and South Dakota.  Gambling is everywhere and you can lay money down on that.

 

There I go again . . . betcha didn’t know any of that.

 

When the wife and I moved to Nebraska decades ago there was some apprehension on her part.  She wondered if there was a gambling issue in the Big Red state because every time she asked for directions or assistance, she was greeted with a big ol’ “you betcha!”  Seems to be a standard catch phrase in Nebraska.  It was a fluke as Nebraska only ranks 30^th when it comes to gambling disorders.  “You betcha” is a common phrase out here in the west and Montana . . . but it is no fluke that it is popular in Big Sky Country.

 

Gambling is considered by many to be a vice.  It is heavily regulated by the state and federal government as most vices are . . . where there is money to be made on a vice the government is involved.  Gambling is a vice . . . some say sin . . . but none the less, it is a vice.  Montana loves its vices.  Gambling involves lots of sitting around seemingly doing nothing but feeding coins into slots.  Lots of down time.  Which brings up another vice Montanans seem to love and are ranked high in . . . drinking.

 

When it comes to alcohol consumption, the Big Sky state comes in fifth behind New Hampshire, Delaware, Nevada, and North Dakota.  The average Montanan drinks 3.10 gallons of booze a year.  That figure is probably skewed since there is a high prevalence of binge drinking” in the state.  Only three states and the District of Columbia have greater odds for going out on a bender. Montana ranks fifth overall or fourth if you drop out the District of Columbia.  Of course, the district is ranked number one—that is where the federal government is located with all the nation’s politicians.  I’d drink heavily if I had to live there, especially now.

 

Probably should throw pot into the mix.  In the United States the percentage of Montanans using cannabis in the past year was 23.44 percent.  This ranked Montana as number six.  Since the legalization of cannabis use in Montana there has been a shift in substance use.  Marijuana use has seen a significant rise with 15 percent of adults using it.  At the same time there has been a downward shift of less alcohol use—yet, at the same time, binge drinking ranks in the top nation-wide.  With all the free time that comes with gambling a person turns to other thrills, and it is nice that they have their choice of poison . . . alcohol or pot.  Still considered a vice by many.

 

When it comes to vices, Montana competes with the best of them.  Montana holds its own—you can bet on that.  You can toast that.  Apparently, Montanans like their vices—gambling, drinking, smoking, and sex.  Sex . . . I haven’t mentioned anything about sex as a Montana vice.  Seems talking about sex is a private personal thing and isn’t put out there for public consumption.  But there was a time in Montana when it had quite a robust commerce selling sex.  The state has a notable history when it comes to prostitution, brothels, and red-light districts.  The brothels died in the 1970s and 80s.  One of my favorite watering holes/restaurants in the state capital of Helena is the Windbag Saloon and Grill.  This bar was (and still is) a favorite for the state legislators to gather after a day’s legislative sessions to down a few drinks—thus the name “Windbag”.  At the same time for a long time, it was also a brothel operated by Big Dorothy Baker.  She closed shop after a raid in 1973.  But let’s just say that it still carries that ambience and historical significance today.  The Dumas Brothel in Butte has the distinction of having been the longest continuous running house of ill-repute in the United States history from 1890 until it shuttered its doors in 1982.  Though less blatant than the infamous brothels and red light districts the shift has been towards more subtle and what some think is more respectable forms—illegal massage parlors.  A recent investigation into human trafficking revealed that there are at least 50 of these parlors throughout the state.  Trust me, sex still sells.  It’s big business and I imagine, though mostly under the radar, that Montana holds its own when it comes to sex.

 

I bet you a five-spot that you didn’t know any of this—gambling, drinking, smoking, and sex—had such a lofty ranking in Big Sky Country.  Montana can compete with the best when it comes to vices.  For better or worse, it is a part of who Montana and its residents are.  You can bet on it.  You can drink to it.  You can even light up a joint and smoke to it.  You’ll fit right in.  When it comes to vices it is safe money that Montanans will be in the race. You can bet on it.

 

Damn . . . I did it again!

 

I Laugh

“Laughter is the language of the soul.”

(Pablo Neruda)

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

(Milton Berle)

“A day without laughter is a wasted day.”

(Unknown)

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

(Victor Borge)

“Embrace me with laughter.”

(Unknown)

I do not know too many people who don’t like to laugh . . . I like to laugh.  I like to laugh every day.  Laughter makes me feel good . . . and, I like to feel good.  So, I laugh.  Besides, science is proving that laughter is good for people according its research over the years.  I think it is silly that there has been millions upon millions paying to research the value and implications of laughter in the lives of people . . . especially knowing that people already had a pretty good idea that laughter was beneficial in the long run.  But now we have proof, and if science says it is true then it has to be true . . . sort of like anything one reads on the Internet . . . that is where I found the information about the benefits of laughter—on the Internet.  If you would like to consider this research for yourself please go to this link—it’s got to be true, it is on the Internet.

The first benefit to laughter, according to the research was . . . more sex.  Actually their title for this was misleading.  There is no guarantee that laughter would lead to more sex . . . not at all.  What it stated was that women like men who have a good sense of humor . . . one of the most requested things on dating sites . . . because they believe that men with a sense of humor are more intelligent and thus better providers than those without a sense of humor.  Well, if this is true, then I have to be one of the sexiest men alive.  I have a sense of humor that doesn’t stop . . . intelligence off the charts . . . and, if that is what women are looking for then I give Larry the Cable Guy a decent run for the money in the sexiest man department.  Well, maybe not . . . I might be too intelligent for my own good.  My humor tends to run on the dry side . . . an acquired taste that take a little intelligence to sometimes comprehend.  When women don’t get the joke it kind of drives down the sexy found in humor whether or not I am rolling on the floor laughing at my own jokes.  I’m not quite sure why they labeled “more sex” as one of the benefits of laughter . . . but, then again . . . who knows what goes on behind closed doors!

The second benefit of laughter is that it makes you happy . . . duh!  The researchers could have saved themselves a couple of hundred thousand if they had just paid me to tell them what I already knew . . . laughter makes me feel good.  But, no, they had to research it.  What they discovered that laughter releases endorphins.  Endorphins are what are released by the body when it is exercised and makes people feel good . . . what they call runner’s high.  In fact, researchers say that a person who laughs a hundred times is getting the same benefit as someone who exercises strenuously for fifteen minutes.  Norman Cousins said, “Laughter is a form of internal jogging.” 

I wish they had determined this years ago when I was an active and addicted runner putting in lots and lots of miles every day.  True, after running I always felt great . . . but, later, when the muscles started aching and the shin splints were acting up . . . I would have loved to gotten the same benefit by just laughing.  At my age the odds are better that I will get my endorphins from laughing than I would ever get running.  If I have to go a few miles I will hop in the car, put on a Bob Newhart tape, and get my exercise in through laughter.  Easier on the body . . . now, if they would only get my Fitbit to record the benefits of laughter I might eventually get that six-pack without having to buy it down at the grocery store.

The third benefit, and one I am now eternally grateful to know, is that laughter helps you poop.  Laughter balances blood pressure which improves circulation that improves digestion . . . which leads to better and easier poop.  That is probably why I enjoy reading the comics from the newspaper while taking the morning constitutional . . . laughter moves me in more ways than one.  Isn’t the bathroom . . . or what we have christen as the “library” . . . where most people keep all the copies of The Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, and For Better or Worse?  Laughter moves us in more ways than we realize, though I do have a difficult time when it comes to the comic strip Blondie.

Benefit number four is that it boosts the immune system.  Apparently laughter helps people avoid the common cold by boosting certain chemicals in the body that boost the immune system.  People who laugh seem to get less sick than those who don’t laugh.  In all honesty it has been years since I have been sick enough to be in bed.  I guess it is all of that laughter over the years . . . I’m probably good for another couple of years before I have to start getting those flu shots. 

And, the fifth and last benefit researchers shared is that laughter helps to improve infection.  Of course this had to do with something called macrophages that boost the white blood cells that fight viruses and infections . . . I really didn’t understand it, but I thought the word “macrophages” sounded funny, so I laughed.  Probably added a couple of minutes to my life span.

Again, I am not sure why all of this time, energy, and money was used to research something most of already knew . . . laughter is good for humans.  It adds years to our health.  Makes us feel good.  Keeps us healthy. Helps us to poop with regularity.  And, for a few, I suppose, improves their sex lives.  But, I think that we all knew that already . . . laughter is good for us.

I like to laugh.  I like a good joke.  I like good physical comedy.  I like a good pun.  I like slap stick.  I like sarcasm.  I like comics and cartoons.  I don’t care too much for clowns . . . but, that is a whole other issue.  I like to laugh.  It makes me feel good . . . it makes us all feel good.  And, I believe that laughter is a gift from God that God expects us to embrace and use because God likes laughter.  In my personal theology as a follower of Jesus and as a minister, I believe that worship has to have laughter in order to be worship.  I have told every congregation I have ever served that I believe in the power of laughter and that if we didn’t laugh at least once in worship . . . well then, we didn’t worship.  I think it is as important to a worship service as Holy Communion, prayer, and taking up the weekly offering . . . there has to be laughter.  So, we laugh . . . each and every Sunday we laugh.  God is happy with our laughter.

I appreciated that science confirmed what most of us already knew . . . well, except maybe for that part about pooping and more sex.  Laughter is good for us.  Sure they could have saved a lot of time, effort, and money if they had done some sort of online survey like Survey Monkey or Doodle poll, but then we might have missed the humor in it . . . we might have missed the opportunity to laugh.  It has been said that “laughter is the best medicine” . . . research proves it.  I like laughter . . . I like to laugh.  That is why love, laughter, and friendship is always welcome in my home and in my life.  By the way . . . have you heard the one about . . .

Because . . .

I have never been a coffee drinker . . . ever!  I have never even tried it as I have never had an affinity for the smell of coffee . . . kind of turns me off.  But, after a recent article in the Billings Gazette I am seriously considering becoming a coffee drinker.  True, research has shown the benefits of being a moderate coffee drinker.  True, I would join most of the rest of the family in partaking of this black, smelly liquid as a kick-starter to the morning, and feel as if I belong.  And, true, there would be lots of affirmation from those around me that I was finally stepping up into manhood by getting rid of the tea bags and drinking a “manly” beverage.  But, those would be none of the reasons I would become a coffee drinker.  I would become a coffee drinker because . . .

. . . well, maybe you should read the article: http://billingsgazette.com/news/state-and-regional/montana/skimpy-outfits-at-helena-coffee-kiosk-generate-business-controversy/article_c7b64c4c-cc5e-5988-a774-22cf5c01fb8f.html.  When asked why they were starting a coffee kiosk where women in skimpy outfits sell coffee, the owners replied: “Because we knew it would make a lot of money.”  Apparently these owners know what sells as business has been great with cars lined up on the street wanting to get their daily java.  Ah, the joy of coffee!

Then, again, I wouldn’t know.  As I stated, I am not a coffee drinker . . . never have been.  I have always been a tea drinker . . . but I might be convinced to give it a try . . . or at least it might be something I might look into the next time I am in Helena. 

I know, I know!  What is really being sold here?  Is it coffee or something else . . . the allure of sex, maybe?  I guess that is something that each individual must decide for him or herself.  Right now, not having actually seen the kiosk, I am still out on what I think.  Others, of course, have expressed their opinions.  Some have been surprised to discover that when they order their coffee they are being served by women in lingerie . . . despite signage everywhere stating that it is a lingerie coffee shop . . . so, there have been a few embarrassed individuals.  Some have voiced their disapproval, suggesting that it is in poor taste (how do they know, they haven’t even tasted the coffee) and too close to a neighboring elementary school (according to the school there have been no complaint from parents).  The city has stated it has received a “mixed bag” of comments for and against the kiosk, but nothing directly—of course most were sent in on coffee stained napkins.  According to the city, the owners of the kiosk followed and are following all the laws necessary for their kiosk.  The city has no complaints.  As far as the city is concerned the owners are not breaking any laws in regards to selling coffee or sex. 

Since I don’t drink coffee, I really don’t care.  And, no, I am not going to start drinking coffee either.  I do applaud the owners for using their creativity in figuring out a way to increase business and make a little more money.  Coffee is a big industry . . . sex is a big industry . . . both make lots of money . . . and, together they make even more!  You got to hand it to the owners—they were thinking.  Good luck to them . . .

. . . good to them because I think it is going to be a tough business.  Montana is a fickle state, especially when it comes to the weather.  Here we are in May and we are still having snow . . . the temperatures are ten to fifteen degrees cooler than normal . . . and, I don’t imagine wearing lingerie when it is cold is a lot of fun.  I think the owners really only have a three to four month window to sell this gimmick of coffee and skin.  They had better hope business is good during those months because once the snow starts flying, I think the clothes start piling on.  Could hurt business.

The old saying is that you cannot make all the people happy all of the time . . . someone always has a complaint.  But, this is America . . . the land of opportunity . . . the land of consumerism.  Sex sells products.  If you don’t believe that, then watch the advertisements that grace our television sets . . . sex appeal works in selling products and goods.  I don’t hear a whole lot of complaining going on about that.  In the meantime, coffee sells are increasing . . . it seems that a little skin with one’s coffee is good business.  Now, if it were a tea shop . . . I might be enticed.  In the meantime, to those who like their coffee and need a little sex with it, enjoy the kiosk in Helena.  It sells.