Fruit or Vegetable?

I have always considered myself to be somewhat intelligent.  Then I encountered grandchildren who bask in the joy of outsmarting their grandfather.  Leading the parade is the only grandson who just completed an illustrious year of fourth grade education.  It seems that he knows the difference between fruits and vegetables.  One evening at the dinner table he put his ol’ Papa to shame when it came to pickles.  The question was whether a pickle was a fruit or a vegetable.  With no hesitation and the confidence of a person holding all the cards, I declared that a pickle was a vegetable. 

Wrong!

 

I don’t know what was worse . . . his victory dance around the table high fiving the family while wildly gyrating or me having to admit that I was wrong.  There is nothing worse than being shown up by a fourth grader . . . after all, I am the one with a bachelor’s degree and two master’s degrees.  I have 68 years of life experience.  I’m smart, even intelligent.  Yet, there I sat with pickle juice all over my face.

 

I survived.  I will admit that it took some time to heal from the trauma of being shown up by a ten-year-old.  The grandson’s victory was months ago and I’m still licking my wounded ego.  I will admit that I have put him back in the will and restored his picture with the rest of the grandchildren.  I’m mature enough to accept the intellectual gaps in my knowledge . . . after all, I’m 68—an age that spawns awe from grandchildren.  They are amazed that I am still alive.

 

Fruit or vegetable?  That is the question.  A pickle is made from a cucumber.  I have always assumed that a cucumber was a vegetable.  They are in salads.  They are on vegetable trays.  My parents referred to them as a vegetable.  My whole married life my wife has kept them in the “vegetable” drawer of the refrigerator.  That alone should be proof enough that a pickle—made from a cucumber—is a vegetable.  Wives are never wrong.

Tell that to a fourth grader.

 

A pickle is a fruit.  I must have been sleeping in class or absent the day that information was shared.  I do not remember hearing it in any of the science classes I took.  If I had heard it, it must have flown over my head and out the window.  According to the experts in the field of botany “a fruit is the mature, ripened ovary of a flowering plant that encloses and protects one of more seeds.”  In other words, if it has seeds it’s a fruit.  Botanists should know since they have dedicated their lives to the study of plants.  They are the experts.  Cucumbers have seeds.  Since pickles are made from cucumbers it has seeds.  SEEDS!  That makes it fruit no matter what anyone else says and that includes ill-informed mothers and wives.

 

A pickle is a fruit.  So are zucchini and squash. Pumpkins too.  If its got a seed it is a fruit joining the illustrious company of watermelons, oranges, and apples.  All those years I thought I was eating vegetables; I was really eating fruit.  Those pickles and tomatoes on my hamburger—fruit.  Who puts fruit on a hamburger?  Is this some tree-hugging California thing?  Not only did my fourth-grade grandson humiliate me, but he also revealed a betrayal I was never aware of.  I feel lied to all these years.  I look back on all those years of stubbornly arguing and refusing to eat zucchini and squash with my parents because they were vegetables.  All they had to say was that they were fruit. Kids love fruit.  End of argument.  But they did not know.  Had they known life would have been easier and simpler.  Kids could have spent more time playing with their friends instead of sitting at the table until they are their “vegetables”.

 

I conclude that in my humiliation I learned something I apparently did not know.  I’m old and mature enough to take my loss and move on.  I can even graciously accept that a fourth grader—my own grandson—got the best of me.  I now know that fruit has seeds and vegetables do not.  Now I know.  It won’t happen again . . . well, maybe.

 

 Shortly after suffering the humiliation of wrongly answering a grandchild’s question, I did what any self-respecting adult or elder would do—I looked it up on the Internet.  Everyone knows that the Internet is never wrong.  There it was in black-and-white . . . fruit has seeds.  But I also discovered an anomaly when it comes to the “fruit-vegetable” debate.  I discovered corn.  Is it fruit or a vegetable?  Also, dried and unground it is popcorn.  It is a miracle food.  It is the three-in-one bargain that kills two birds with one stone. With corn you can eat your fruit and vegetables all in one bite.

 

Tadum!  The key to restoring my intellectual superiority over a fourth grader . . . over my grandson.  I will bet that he doesn’t know that corn is the trifecta of plants.  I am practicing my victory dance in anticipation of my stifling win of regaining my dominance.  Everyone knows that grandparents, especially grandfathers, know everything.  And, if we don’t, we make it up.  Bet you didn’t know that.  Now you do.  See how smart I am.

 

I Laugh

“Laughter is the language of the soul.”

(Pablo Neruda)

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

(Milton Berle)

“A day without laughter is a wasted day.”

(Unknown)

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

(Victor Borge)

“Embrace me with laughter.”

(Unknown)

I do not know too many people who don’t like to laugh . . . I like to laugh.  I like to laugh every day.  Laughter makes me feel good . . . and, I like to feel good.  So, I laugh.  Besides, science is proving that laughter is good for people according its research over the years.  I think it is silly that there has been millions upon millions paying to research the value and implications of laughter in the lives of people . . . especially knowing that people already had a pretty good idea that laughter was beneficial in the long run.  But now we have proof, and if science says it is true then it has to be true . . . sort of like anything one reads on the Internet . . . that is where I found the information about the benefits of laughter—on the Internet.  If you would like to consider this research for yourself please go to this link—it’s got to be true, it is on the Internet.

The first benefit to laughter, according to the research was . . . more sex.  Actually their title for this was misleading.  There is no guarantee that laughter would lead to more sex . . . not at all.  What it stated was that women like men who have a good sense of humor . . . one of the most requested things on dating sites . . . because they believe that men with a sense of humor are more intelligent and thus better providers than those without a sense of humor.  Well, if this is true, then I have to be one of the sexiest men alive.  I have a sense of humor that doesn’t stop . . . intelligence off the charts . . . and, if that is what women are looking for then I give Larry the Cable Guy a decent run for the money in the sexiest man department.  Well, maybe not . . . I might be too intelligent for my own good.  My humor tends to run on the dry side . . . an acquired taste that take a little intelligence to sometimes comprehend.  When women don’t get the joke it kind of drives down the sexy found in humor whether or not I am rolling on the floor laughing at my own jokes.  I’m not quite sure why they labeled “more sex” as one of the benefits of laughter . . . but, then again . . . who knows what goes on behind closed doors!

The second benefit of laughter is that it makes you happy . . . duh!  The researchers could have saved themselves a couple of hundred thousand if they had just paid me to tell them what I already knew . . . laughter makes me feel good.  But, no, they had to research it.  What they discovered that laughter releases endorphins.  Endorphins are what are released by the body when it is exercised and makes people feel good . . . what they call runner’s high.  In fact, researchers say that a person who laughs a hundred times is getting the same benefit as someone who exercises strenuously for fifteen minutes.  Norman Cousins said, “Laughter is a form of internal jogging.” 

I wish they had determined this years ago when I was an active and addicted runner putting in lots and lots of miles every day.  True, after running I always felt great . . . but, later, when the muscles started aching and the shin splints were acting up . . . I would have loved to gotten the same benefit by just laughing.  At my age the odds are better that I will get my endorphins from laughing than I would ever get running.  If I have to go a few miles I will hop in the car, put on a Bob Newhart tape, and get my exercise in through laughter.  Easier on the body . . . now, if they would only get my Fitbit to record the benefits of laughter I might eventually get that six-pack without having to buy it down at the grocery store.

The third benefit, and one I am now eternally grateful to know, is that laughter helps you poop.  Laughter balances blood pressure which improves circulation that improves digestion . . . which leads to better and easier poop.  That is probably why I enjoy reading the comics from the newspaper while taking the morning constitutional . . . laughter moves me in more ways than one.  Isn’t the bathroom . . . or what we have christen as the “library” . . . where most people keep all the copies of The Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, and For Better or Worse?  Laughter moves us in more ways than we realize, though I do have a difficult time when it comes to the comic strip Blondie.

Benefit number four is that it boosts the immune system.  Apparently laughter helps people avoid the common cold by boosting certain chemicals in the body that boost the immune system.  People who laugh seem to get less sick than those who don’t laugh.  In all honesty it has been years since I have been sick enough to be in bed.  I guess it is all of that laughter over the years . . . I’m probably good for another couple of years before I have to start getting those flu shots. 

And, the fifth and last benefit researchers shared is that laughter helps to improve infection.  Of course this had to do with something called macrophages that boost the white blood cells that fight viruses and infections . . . I really didn’t understand it, but I thought the word “macrophages” sounded funny, so I laughed.  Probably added a couple of minutes to my life span.

Again, I am not sure why all of this time, energy, and money was used to research something most of already knew . . . laughter is good for humans.  It adds years to our health.  Makes us feel good.  Keeps us healthy. Helps us to poop with regularity.  And, for a few, I suppose, improves their sex lives.  But, I think that we all knew that already . . . laughter is good for us.

I like to laugh.  I like a good joke.  I like good physical comedy.  I like a good pun.  I like slap stick.  I like sarcasm.  I like comics and cartoons.  I don’t care too much for clowns . . . but, that is a whole other issue.  I like to laugh.  It makes me feel good . . . it makes us all feel good.  And, I believe that laughter is a gift from God that God expects us to embrace and use because God likes laughter.  In my personal theology as a follower of Jesus and as a minister, I believe that worship has to have laughter in order to be worship.  I have told every congregation I have ever served that I believe in the power of laughter and that if we didn’t laugh at least once in worship . . . well then, we didn’t worship.  I think it is as important to a worship service as Holy Communion, prayer, and taking up the weekly offering . . . there has to be laughter.  So, we laugh . . . each and every Sunday we laugh.  God is happy with our laughter.

I appreciated that science confirmed what most of us already knew . . . well, except maybe for that part about pooping and more sex.  Laughter is good for us.  Sure they could have saved a lot of time, effort, and money if they had done some sort of online survey like Survey Monkey or Doodle poll, but then we might have missed the humor in it . . . we might have missed the opportunity to laugh.  It has been said that “laughter is the best medicine” . . . research proves it.  I like laughter . . . I like to laugh.  That is why love, laughter, and friendship is always welcome in my home and in my life.  By the way . . . have you heard the one about . . .