Okay, I Lied

Okay, I lied.

When I started writing as a blogger I told myself and others that it was just an outlet to share with the rest of the world my random thoughts, opinions, wishes, ideas, and dreams whether they wanted to read them or not . . . that was up to the rest of the world.  It was just a way for me to connect to the rest of the human race as an introvert, and that I really did not care whether or not anyone ever read anything that I wrote.  I told myself it was not for personal gain, monetary gain, or gain of any sort . . . it was for fun and as a means of letting off energy without having to come out of the introvert’s hiding place.  But . . . I lied.

Well, maybe not at first.  I think my original motives and intentions were exactly what I stated above, but somewhere along the line that changed.  I could probably blame Blogger for that shift as they provide daily statistics about every blog that they put out into the hyperspace of the Internet.  I started checking out my statistics . . . and, I fell into the trap.  I learned that most of the people who read my blog are from the United States, but that I have a strong following over in Asia and Australia.  I learned which of my blog posts were the most popular.  I learned a lot . . . especially how addicting knowing such figures can be in the life of any writer . . . extrovert or introvert.  I got hooked.  I wanted admiration.  I wanted followers.  I wanted fame.  I wanted shared.  I wanted it all!

Needless to say, fame is short-lived.  What is the old saying . . . fifteen minutes is all any of us gets?  Well, I am not sure I have ever gotten my fifteen minutes yet, and deep down within my introverted soul . . . I want my fifteen minutes and more!

So, I learned that there are tricks to the trade.  Most of the tricks I ignore, but one is to get hooked up with a “blog service”.  A “blog service” sort of a clearing house for bloggers where they can follow their favorite blogs and put theirs out there for others to see.  I joined bloglovin’.  Every day I receive an email from bloglovin’ sharing my favorite blogs . . . dropped right into my email box.  It is great having it all there in one place.  It also puts my blog onto a network in which others might discover me.  As thankful as I am for this service, the benefits—outside of having my favorite blogs in one place—have pretty much been zilch!  My numbers have not gone up.  Fame is fleeting!

Yet, I have hope.  Each week bloglovin’ shares with its subscribers its list of what they consider to be the “top picks” from the previous week.  Now at first I thought that this would be a list of some really in-depth, deep, and well-written blogs on relevant topics that help to shape the world and lives of those who are reading them.  Now, in my introvert mindset in which I am the ultimate writer, I thought that there was a snow ball’s chance in hell that I would show up on that list . . . that fame would be mine.  Yeah, I know, I might have a little ego problem, but I still held onto the hope.  Boy, how naïve of me!

After several months I have not appeared on the “top picks” list at bloglovin’ . . . not even close.  I have discovered the mindlessness of popularity in the world of blogs.  People are not looking for in-depth, mind-shaping, discussion imploring, or even well-written blogs (not that mind always hit those benchmarks—especially when it comes to the well-written part) . . . no, most people like fluff.  The “top picks” list on bloglovin’ is so soft they ought to package it and sell it for Charmin toilet paper.  Check out this list of the top picks from the previous week: 10 Smart Tips for Decorating on a Budget; A Seven-Step Guide to Heartbreak; Pink Swirl Meringues and Pomegranate Syrup; The 12 Most Romantic Cities in Europe; From Beginner to Advanced: 10 Steps to a Better Bedroom; In Vino Veritas; 20 Things You’ll Learn in Your 20s; 3 Ways to Make Your Clothes Smell Amazing; How to Travel the World for Free; and, DIY Bomber Jacket.

Now, I think of myself as being fairly astute and intelligent, but this list makes me wonder . . . am I an antiquated dinosaur?  Have I missed the boat on what is important in life?  First of all, decorating on a budget!  Surviving heartbreak!  A better bedroom!  What I will learn in my twenties!  How to make my clothes smell better!  A bomber jacket!  Well, I am well beyond the age of heartbreak . . . I primarily sleep in my bedroom and I would think that a comfortable bed would be the number one priority of a better bedroom . . . I figure if you wash your clothes they will smell better . . . and, a bomber jacket!  If this is what the majority of subscribers to bloglovin’ are reading and keeping tabs on . . . well, I am up the creek without a paddle.  I think the flame candle went out for me.

So, I had to admit to myself . . . I lied.  I lied to myself.  I lied to my readership.  I don’t like lying.  Lying is wrong.  And, for lying . . . I apologize.  I apologize to you—the reader—and to myself.  I do not want to be one of those who has to write for admiration and popularity.  Admiration and popularity pollutes the soul and skews what is written.  I need to go back to what my original intentions were . . . I write to write.  I write to write and if anyone feels the desire to read what I write, well, more power to them.  Maybe I will get another to stop and think for a moment . . . maybe illicit a smile or laugh . . . maybe shed a tear.  Nothing more.  Not fame.  Not wealth.  Nothing.

No matter who we are . . . extroverts or introverts . . . we all want to be acknowledge.  It helps to know that someone out there cares . . . even if it is some silly ol’ blog.  Fame is nice, but acknowledgement is better . . . besides I will never write fluff like the “best ten ways of raking the backyard when you own ten dogs”.  This is all you get . . . I don’t want to lie any more.  Fame left the room a long, long time ago.