The rumor was floating around that Justin Bieber . . . yes, the immature imp of a pop star from the land north of Montana . . . is looking to buy a house in the Montana community of Bozeman. This was reported by the radio station KISSFM 96.7 in Bozeman a couple of days ago. According to a source close to the situation, “Mr. Bieber would enjoy the privacy a quaint town like Bozeman would present.” The rumor is that he flew into Bozeman and was spending some time looking around the neighborhoods for a new shack to call home. Say it ain’t so!
Montana is not unfamiliar with the rich and famous of all ilks of life . . . we have some pretty peculiar trillionaires, billionaires, and millionaires running around the landscape. We have movie and television stars . . . people like Jeff Bridges, Michael Keaton, Tom Brokaw and, even David Letterman. Phil Jackson lives in Montana . . . but, hey, he is from Montana. There are even bigger names of musicians who live in Montana. John Mayer lives near Livingston and even through a benefit for the area’s fire fighters after they saved his property from burning down a couple of years ago. No, Montana has had its fair share of the rich and famous running around . . . but, I think we have probably hit our limit. I think the time has come to draw the line and proclaim . . . no more . . . especially Mr. Bieber.
Of course, the arguments are good as to why Mr. Bieber would want to live in the Bozeman area. Bozeman does have a good airport . . . how do you think the rich and famous get into Montana so easily? This would enable Mr. Bieber to keep up with his tenuous travel demands. It was also argued that Montana sits as a border state to his homeland of Canada . . . that he would be close to home . . . just a hop, skip, and a jump over the border. And, one no one else seemed to think about, Bozeman is populated with a lot of run-a-way Californians who seem to think that their goal in life is to Californiaize Bozeman. I would have thought that the city of Bozeman would have set a limit on California run-a-ways a long, long time ago . . . but, they did pass a non-discrimination ordinance a while back.
As good as the arguments are . . . Montana is not ready for Mr. Bieber and his traveling carnival show. Montana is not ready for an attention-getting, mop bucket peeing, on and off again Selena Gomez dating, egg throwing, speeding car, pot smoking, pants drooping, tattooed, immature pop star invading the state and calling it “home”. I doubt if most Montanans even like what he sings and calls music. Tell us it ain’t so!
But the rumor was there . . . on the website of KISSFM 96.7 . . . on the Internet. If it is on the Internet, it must be true. I know that I believe everything that I read on the Internet. So, tell me it ain’t so!
I realize that people, especially the rich and the famous, have the right to live wherever they want to live . . . especially if they can afford it. I imagine that Mr. Bieber has plenty of money from his musical endeavors over the years. Lots of people want to live in Montana . . . I know that is the reason that I moved to Montana. True, I have a few eccentric behaviors and habits; but I have not hit the international news circuit for any of my immature behavior—at least not yet.
I also know that Montana is a big state . . . a really, really big state that is filled with lots and lots of mountain ranges . . . about six people per square mile, and that the odds of me ever running into Mr. Bieber is pretty slim. I figure I would have better odds winning the lottery than running into Mr. Bieber if he moved to Montana. Despite its size and the improbability of ever running into the pop star . . . I just would rather not run the risk. I like my world being Bieber-less.
The radio station asked people what they thought about the possibility of Mr. Bieber buying a house in Bozeman. Most of the responses were on the negative side . . . with the most common one being, “Hell no!” I imagine that if they were to put it to a vote in Montana that it would not even be close . . . most people would rather that Mr. Bieber would move to some other state . . . like, maybe Wyoming. Wyoming would be a nice place for Mr. Bieber to live, even though I do not think most Montanans would wish that upon anyone.
The fact is . . . it is rumor. A rumor that struck a chord in a lot of people. No one knows for sure whether the rumor is true or not. But, it got people’s attention. It got my attention. After witnessing this young man’s life on the reliable news sources of American television . . . after reading of his antics in the newspapers and magazines of this great nation . . . all reliable sources of truth . . . I would just wish that he would really, really consider living somewhere else. But, if not . . . my little corner of Montana has quite a few houses on the market right now. Maybe we can become neighbors. He could show me how to throw eggs at my neighbor’s house . . . how to wear my pants at half-mast . . . how to pee in buckets . . . how to be immature. Okay, maybe not the immature part, but everything else. Who knows we might become best friends . . .
. . . nah! I have a little respect for myself. Rumor or not . . . tell me it ain’t so. Montana is not ready for Justin Bieber . . . I’m not ready for Justin Bieber. I still have respect. Please . . . please . . . tell me . . . it ain’t so!