It was years ago that I made the only
resolution that I have ever kept. I do
not know where the brilliance of that moment came from . . . whether it was
some divine epiphany . . . or the alcohol, but years ago I made the last
resolution that I ever kept. It was
quite simple: I resolve to never make another resolution. That was it!
And, guess what . . . I have never broken that resolution since that
fateful New Year’s evening many years ago.
Unlike 92 percent of the people who make resolutions, I have not failed
at keeping this resolution year after year.
Actually, I never was big on
resolutions. I never made them, but I
got tired of people asking me what my New Year’s resolutions were. I got tired
of being hounded . . . teased . . . and being looked upon as something less
than normal. Then one night . . . it
happened . . . I raised my glass and said in a loud voice, “I resolve to never
make another resolution!” And, so, I don’t;
but I do not stop others from making resolutions. Shoot!
More power to them . . . and, lots of luck. The resolution business is tough to win. The odds are against them from the moment
that they are uttered.
Though I do not believe in making
resolutions, resolutions fascinate me . . . especially around the first of
January of each year. Resolutions are
fascinating. Over the past 25 years or
so the top resolution has usually dealt with better health . . . losing weight,
quit smoking, cut down drinking, eat healthier, exercise more, and so on down
the line towards a healthier lifestyle.
During that time period the number one resolution each year was to lose
weight. Makes sense as research states
that nearly 70 percent of Americans are overweight. If I made resolutions I am pretty sure that
losing weight would be near the top of the list if not at the top of the list .
. . but, I don’t make resolutions and I wear baggy clothes.
A healthier life . . . especially
losing weight has been the trend for being number one for over a quarter of a
century . . . until this year! This year
losing weight got bumped off the pedestal . . . in fact, it dropped to number
three on the list of top resolutions.
Curious as to what replaced it?
You love this . . . I thought it was genius . . . the number one resolution
for this New Year is “living life to its fullest.”
Researchers found this toppling of the
“losing weight” as ironic. It was ironic
because 70 percent of Americans are overweight or obese—the highest that it has
ever been. We are a pudgy society . . .
a pudgy nation. Researchers have discovered
that less than half of Americans want to diet.
Who can blame them . . . dieting is hard, hard, hard work. It takes self-control, discipline, and
staunch will-power . . . which I know I do not have when it comes to dieting,
and I imagine most other people are in the same boat as I am. No one likes dieting. These scientific types think that there are
two reasons for this shift at the top of the resolution chain: (1) society has
pushed for “body positivity” mindset . . . like what you look like; and, (2)
because everyone is overweight or obese, people have changed their perceptions
of what “normal weight” is . . . pudgy is now acceptable!
Whatever the reason for this shift at
the top of the resolution chain really doesn’t matter . . . “losing weight” is
last year’s trend . . . this year’s trend is “living life to its fullest.” I think that this resolution is nearly as
perfect as my original resolution years ago . . . what the hell does it mean “to
live life to its fullest”? I think the
human race, or at least the American branch of it, has finally discovered the
resolution loophole. “To live life to
its fullest” is the most ambiguous goal I have ever heard . . . just about
anything can fall under this resolution.
Anything!
I am reminded of the writer of the Old Testament book, Ecclesiastes, who at one point declares that the purpose of life is
to enjoy it to its fullest. His motto,
simplified here, was to “eat, drink, and be merry!” For him, at least at that point in his life,
life was one great big party in which just about anything goes as long as one
was pleasing him or herself. When I hear
this “live life to its fullest”, I hear the battle cry to “eat, drink, and be
merry!” Defining what makes life its
fullest can vary as much as the population of the planet . . . every person has
his or her own definition and idea as to what makes life its fullest.
For example, I would think that all
the resolutions that fall under the number one resolution—“living life to its
fullest”, would probably be the blueprint for a fuller and richer life. You know, things like losing weight, eating
healthier, stopping smoking, drinking less, watching one’s finances . . . the
typical things that usually show up on a list of resolutions for the new
year. But, those things are hard . . .
why do you think the failure rate for New Year’s resolutions hovers around 92
percent? Because they are hard, and no
one like failing.
Enter the new, full-proof resolution: “to
live life to its fullest.” With this
resolution, anything goes . . . anything goes as long as it is satisfying and
makes you happy. Eat that second helping
of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice
cream . . . as long as it makes you happy, you are succeeding in meeting your
resolution. Trust me, I know. A couple of weeks ago I finished off a pint
of Cherry Garcia (six billion calories
a helping—six helpings a pint). After
unbuttoning the top button of my pants, I looked to heaven and whispered, “This
is the life!” At that moment I was
living life to its fullest . . . my stomach seconded that motion; and, my heart
objected. It did not matter, I was
living life to its fullest.
See . . . the resolution is pure genius. I wish I had thought of it way back when I
made my original resolution . . . but, who would have ever thought that there
were two perfect resolutions?
Having made my resolution and sticking
to it, I rattle the old beads for those who have started the year with the
dauntless task of living up to drunken resolutions . . . or resolutions made in
a time of self-pity . . . or even whimsical fancy . . . GOOD LUCK! The odds are against you . . . overwhelming
against you. It is not the matter of
effort, it is a matter of wording if one is to succeed. Think about it . . .
Grasp the trend. Adopt the key to success. Go ahead . . . say it: “I resolve to live
life to its fullest!” Then go for
it. If that seem like too much, do what
I did . . . resolve: “I resolve to never make another resolution!” Either way you cannot lose.
In the meantime . . . HAPPY NEW YEAR .
. . and, GOOD LUCK! Join the eight
percent!
