Anything is Worth a Shot

God speaks to us in subtle ways.  After church the other Sunday, a member stated that he and I had something in common.  He kind of surprised me with his statement as I had no idea what he was talking about.  Then he pointed to his midsection.  Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . I know, I could lose a few pounds.  Then, while visiting with my fifteen month old granddaughter I discovered that she liked to pat my belly . . . sort of the Jello-efffect . . . you know, watch it wiggle, watch it jiggle, and watch the granddaughter giggle.  I could use a little work on getting the ol’ Dunlop down.  I guess that I should be thankful that God is a little more subtle in getting the message to me, and I appreciate that God did not come right out and call me a fatty . . . the world does that enough!

                                                                                       

I get the point!  I need to lose weight!  The only problem with that is in the fact that it entails dieting and exercise . . . two things, which in these later years of my life, I am not really thrilled with taking on.  They are both work . . . hard work . . . and, I have gotten used to my lazy existence.  So, what is a middle-age, overweight guys supposed to do?  Well, surf the net apparently!

According to an article I read on MSN Living using Twitter can actually help those of us who are overweight lose weight.  You can read the article here: http://living.msn.com/tech/social/how-twitter-can-help-you-lose-weight.  Basically the article talks about a study that was done with two groups of people attempting to lose weight.  One group went about the business of trying to lose weight  primarily on their own; the other group was set up using the social media of Twitter.  Those who used Twitter lost more weight.  Why?  Because they had a natural support group from which they could receive support, encouragement, and motivation.  The old adage is that misery loves company, and Twitter was providing the company . . . and, it could be done fairly anonymously.

I will be honest, when I went to read the article I was hoping for something a little more miraculous.  You know, something like I could hold my belly up to the screen of my computer or cell phone, and it would be zapped with fat melting ability . . . that I could watch the fat slowly disappear.  Something without much effort . . . but, no!  No, the work still has to be done.  The dieting has to take place.  The exercise has to take place.  This wasn’t much of a diet at all . . . just a bunch of “let’s all feel good about suffering together” stuff that I did not want to hear.

I didn’t want to hear it because . . . well, because it is work.  I am tired.  I don’t want to work that hard.  Also, because I am an introvert . . . this little support group means that I have to do this with other people.  I have always appreciated the Job model of suffering . . . alone!  I don’t want someone else lamenting more than me . . . I want my lament to be number one.  If I have to share it with others, well there is always someone who thinks they are worse than me.  And, I thought technology was supposed to make one’s life easier and more efficient . . . I think that this is false advertising.  Diet, my butt!

The results shared from the research are good . . . using social media to find support and encouragement while trying to defeat the battle of the bugle does work in losing weight.  True, it still involves dieting and exercise, but there are positive results.  Since the Twitter diet is not some miraculous save the fat man method . . . doesn’t even melt the fat sort of thing . . . but just one part of a successful weight loss program, it might be worth a try.  But, I must also admit, my number one solution to this problem still works—denial.  The only problem with that is that I keep getting these subtle messages . . . when the granddaughter gets to the talking stage is she going to call me “jelly belly” as she pats my mid-section?  I sure wish they would hurry up and invent an app that really does create weight loss . . .  

Twitter Envy

Some guys have envy issues when it comes to parts of their bodies . . . I do not have any of those envy issues.  Some people have envy issues when it comes to material goods, or the lack of material goods . . . I am pretty satisfied with everything I have when it comes to material goods and wealth.  Some guys, especially those of us who are going bald, have hair envy . . . but, I have gotten used to the baldness I have had for many, many years . . . besides, when you don’t have a lot of hair, it is easy to take care of.  Nope, I have none of the usual envies that other guys or people have . . . my envy comes from social media . . . in particular, Twitter.

Now, mind you, I did not even give Twitter much thought until this evening when I read an article proclaiming that the Pope—yeah, the guy in Rome—now has ten million followers of his Twitter account.  The Pope is now among the “rock stars” of Twitter after starting his account less than a year ago.  The man is shooting for the top as he has yet to even scratch the surface of the 1.2 billion Catholics around the world . . . I hear that he isn’t going to stop until he reaches number one! 

The news of the Pope’s tweeting success kind of depressed me when I read it.  I mean, I am a fellow clergy . . . I have an adoring congregation . . . I belong to a mainline denomination . . . I love God, God loves me . . . and, I have 35 followers while Pope Francis is celebrating his ten millionth follower!  What am I doing wrong?  What does a guy have to do to get a few more followers?

I mean, what does this guy have that I don’t have . . . besides ten million followers?  Besides a congregation of 1.2 billion members?  Besides a fancy jet to jet around the world in?  Beside a snazzy car called the Pope Mobile?  Besides looking good in white?  Besides being able to talk in several languages?  Besides being the conduit of God?  Besides being in a long line of famous evangelist—supposedly handpicked by God—that goes all the way back to Peter?  I mean, come on, the Pope and I both have about the same amount of hair, but he gets to wear a cap to hide his baldness . . . how did this guy get ten million followers in half the time that I got 35 followers since joining Twitter?  Yeah, I have Twitter envy!

I guess I could try to get a call to a larger congregation, but there are not too many congregations . . . let alone denominations . . . with 1.2 billion members.  I might have to convert over to the Catholic religion, but they are not too hot on married clergy . . . plus, the wife wouldn’t go for it anyways.  Plus, I don’t think they let you wear blue jeans and hiking boots under all those fancy duds that the Pope wears.  I also hear that the Pope has to swear to be a Notre Dame football fan upon rising to the papacy . . . I could never root for the Irish . . . nope, I am a Cornhusker through and through.  I bleed red.

I could try jumping over to the prosperity ministry . . . preach about God wanting people to have everything and anything that they want because God loves them and wants them to have the best.  The guys doing that seem to have the fancy jets and cars, but I don’t have enough hair or teeth to pull off that ministry while driving up to the church in my 2004 Ford Ranger pick-up truck.  Besides, I don’t buy into that theology . . . God loves us, but God also loves us whether we are rich or poor.  God likes to see us do a little work without laying out so much fertilizer upon the masses.  Besides, I despise three-piece suits . . . especially since the mid-life spread. 

I could bank on the fact that God also called me to the ministry . . . just as God called Pope Francis to the ministry.  The only difference is that God wanted me in Montana at a small rural church, while God wanted Francis heading a mega-church called the Roman Catholic Church.  I did not hear God ask me to move to Rome . . . Italy, that is.  Maybe, Rome, Georgia . . . but not Rome, Italy.  I don’t think I quite have the pedigree that the Pope has . . . as a minister my route to ordination and ministry is not as impressive as the Pope’s . . . I don’t think you can get to the Vatican through a small denominational seminary in Kentucky.

Yeah, I am jealous.  My Twitter account is smaller than the Pope’s.  I guess that must mean I have Twitter envy.  But, I do have some satisfaction in knowing that the Pope is lagging behind the three big hitters on Twitter—Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga—who each have more than 40 million followers each.  What do they have that I don’t have?  Apparently, talent . . . money . . . rabid fans . . . and, a heck of a lot more followers than the Pope.  I wonder if the Pope has Twitter envy?

I imagine that I will get over this phase of Twitter envy in my life.  I never did start tweeting to be popular, basically to get my blog posts out to the rest of the world.  I mean, really . . . I am an introvert . . . more followers means more intrusions into my world.  That is an introvert’s nightmare, but it would be nice to eventually have as many followers as years I am old . . . about twenty more would do the trick for this year.  In the meantime, I will keep glancing at my Twitter account . . . and, reminding myself that it is tough to beat someone who has all the clout and numbers that the Pope gets to play with.  Come on, people . . . twenty new followers . . . and, I’ll be heaven!

TWIT

It is official . . . I am a “twit”!  Yeah, yeah, I know, I should have realized that years ago . . . but now I am officially a “twit”.  At least that is what I think the correct term is for someone who has a Twitter account.  I may be wrong as I have heard others refer to those with Twitter call themselves “tweeters”, but that could just be the plural for “twit”.  After several years of prompting by the daughter and youngest son to get an account, I dove in with both feet.  I feel like a twit!

This week I am attending a technology conference for educators . . . primarily to find instructors for my job as a project coordinator providing professional education to educators.  Since technology is the “hot” topic what better place to find instructors than a technology conference!  The second reason I am there is to learn more about using technology on professional and personal levels.  After the first day I feel like a twit . . . there is a heck of a lot of technology out there and I haven’t even scratched the surface of what is being offered.  I learned a lot during the first day and there are still two more days to go!

It was in a workshop on Twitter that I took the leap.  The instructor—an elementary school teacher—made it sound so simple and easy . . . and it really was.  There is no doubt about the ease at which one can set up an account and be tweeting in minutes.  Within an hour—okay, I am a little slower than most, I had my first “tweet” out in public.  Imagine that, I am just like all of those other important people—the jocks, movie stars, politicians, the rich and famous, and just about everyone else seeking that fifteen minutes in the spot light.  Now that I am among the five trillion other elite users of Twitter I still don’t know what the heck I am supposed to be doing!  What is the point of Twitter?  Even with an account, I still feel like a twit.

  

So . . . what is the purpose of a “tweet”?  That is the biggest problem I am having with Twitter since I started my account.  Basically I have 140 characters in which I am to convey a message . . . but I have no clue what that message should be.  Should I tweet about the mundane happenings that I call my life . . . you know, “Got up, went to the bathroom, had a BM, and about to take my shower . . . life is good!”  I really don’t think people really care whether or not I had a BM.  Should I entertain folks with cute and witty sayings about observations on life . . . like, “Don’t babies look cute when they startle themselves farting.”  I guess I could talk about work, but no one at work wants to talk about work so why would anyone else?  I am not an expert in any profound subjects outside of drinking beer and whining a lot—no one wants to hear that stuff.  See what I mean . . . what is the purpose of Twitter?

After the workshop I can see the potential in using a Twitter account for networking and developing a professional cadre of experts on the areas I am working in.  I can see how it will help get the organization I work for more publicity.  I can see it all, but I have not yet quite figured out how to do that because it takes time . . . lots of time.  Now I see why those with the real big followings hire someone to do their tweeting for them.  That takes money . . . money which neither I nor the organization I work for have.  Maybe that is what I should tweet about . . . money and how we could use it.  Shoot, if I could get my followers to donate a dollar the organization could be rolling in the dough!  Let’s see . . . after one day I have three followers . . . at this rate I should be able to raise a million dollars about twenty years after I am dead.  Guess that won’t work!

Whatever the case, I am now an official user of Twitter.  Whether that makes me a “twit” or a “tweeter” doesn’t really matter.  Who ever thought that so many even cared what I thought or said?  Now I am wondering who the real twits are.