“My BFF . . . Facebook”

It took researchers from the University of Cambridge and Stanford University to introduce me to and confirm my newest “best friend forever”.  These researchers released a study indicating that Facebook may be better at judging people’s personalities than their closest friend, spouses, and in some case themselves.  Using scientific methods and lots of computer science researchers discovered that Facebook outperformed any human, no matter what their relationship to the subjects.  What I am gleaning from this research is that Facebook knows me better than anyone else . . . including me.  In my book, or is it my head . . . or heart, that makes Facebook more than a great friend . . . it makes it the “perfect” friend.  Facebook is my BFF!

Now, you are probably wondering how Facebook got to know you and me . . . us . . . so well.  Simply put it is all based on our “likes”.  Using the number of “likes” found on entries revealed personality habits and traits . . . the higher the number of “likes” the more reliable the statistics.  Using computers compiling this data and super complicated computer science formulas, Facebook is better able to predict an individual’s response than friends, spouses, and even good ol’ mom.  Using this information Facebook knows us better than we know ourselves.  Facebook is the perfect friend.

Researchers, though they would not call Facebook a “friend” because a computer cannot truly have a heart-to-heart intimate relationship, imply that computers (which Facebook actually is) are better friends than any of our human companions ever could be.  They base this on a few simple facts: computers don’t forget; computers are not judgmental; computers are not prejudicial; computers take people for who they are.  Computers accept us; yet, at the same time—because they are computers—they do not like us or hate us.  We just are who we are and computers take us for who we are.

Being an introvert I do not have what I would call a whole lot of friends . . . probably not anyone I would even call my “best friend” . . . people just clutter up the world I live in and complicate things.  That being said, I would admit that I have friends . . . lots of acquaintances . . . and, yes, they do clutter and complicate my world.  But, I can honestly state that I do not have that individual in my life that I would call my “best friend forever”.  The wife comes close, but that is expected . . . we said vows, signed a license . . . and proclaimed our undying love to one another.  She is not too bad and comes pretty close to being my BBF.

Even as introvert I still have the same longings as any other individual . . . I still long to have those personal connections with other human beings . . . still long to have that person in my life who knows me, understands me, and will put up with me (yeah, I know, I just described a spouse).  I want that person who remembers to acknowledge my birthday without any prompting, remembers the good times . . . shoot, just plain remembers.  I want that individual in my life that is non-judgmental about me and my life.  That person that knows what I think, laughs at my jokes, understands my moods, and is willing to walk with me through life . . . always be there for me. Knows my “likes” and even my “dislikes”.  Who doesn’t want someone like that in their lives?  Extraverts are not the only ones with hearts and feelings!

According to the research Facebook is that and so much more!

Facebook never forgets a birthday . . . mine, yours, or anyone else’s.  I get daily reminders of who is having a birthday with the gentle suggestion that maybe I should acknowledge that those birthdays with a loving message.  Facebook knows my birthday and the birth dates of all the members of the family.  Facebook remembers who the members of my family are, who my friends are, where I live, where I work, and what my favorite things are from music to food.  Facebook understands and knows me so well that it even fills up my page with thoughtful and considerate advertisements to ease the burden of me having to think and surf the Internet whenever I have a hankering to do a little shopping. 

Facebook doesn’t judge me if I want to put up some out-of-this-world liberal or conservative garbage no matter what the subject matter is . . . politics, religion, sports, music, of even seven thousand pet pictures.  Facebook doesn’t care one way or another . . . it just accepts my asinine postings for what they are—asinine.  Facebook doesn’t care what I do in life . . . good or bad . . . because in the micro-chips of its soul, everything I do is of equal weight.  My life is just what it is as far as Facebook is concerned.  Facebook loves me for who I am.  Isn’t that what a “friend” supposed to do?

Shoot, Facebook knows me so well that it even tries to complete my sentences for me . . . already knows what I am going to say most of the time.  That is how well Facebook knows me.  Facebook is my constant companion (thanks to modern technology like cell phones and tablets) and everywhere I go, Facebook is right there.  That is a good “friend”.  What more could any of us ever desire when it comes to that companionship we call friendship?

I’m not sure how I missed it all of these years . . . this intimate relationship between Facebook and myself.  I want to thank the researchers at the University of Cambridge and Stanford University for opening my eyes . . . and, my heart . . . to this friendship . . . this perfect friendship.  My life is so much better now that I have that “best friend forever” . . . I am never alone.  I bask in the warm glow of the Facebook page as it brings light into my life. 

As an introvert, this is great.  Facebook understands.  When I need that quiet time . . . that alone time . . . Facebook understands and will not bother me (primarily because I turn the computer off).  Facebook is not offended or willing to throw a guilt trip on me if I disappear for a few days . . . no!  No, instead it welcomes me back with open screens, updates, and a ton of wonderfully stupid games to play!  The more I think about it, the more in love I am falling with Facebook . . . could Facebook be my soulmate?  I don’t know . . . in the meantime, I will bask in the glow of my new BBF.  It is wonderful to be loved . . . I think? 

Chaos

The clock is ticking . . .

In approximately fifteen hours it begins.  The youngest son and his spouse will be arriving from that community mecca of Mormonism—and, no, they are not Mormons, but exist peacefully in their midst—to kick off the start of the Fourth of July celebration.  Eleven hours later the daughter, her husband, the nearly two-year-old granddaughter, and a little over one week old granddaughter arrive from the nearby big city to join in the festivities of celebrating the nation’s birthday.  Five hours after their arrival will come the son-in-law’s family—mother, father, and two brothers; plus, there will be a good friend of the son’s wife joining us about the same time.  Add into that mix that the oldest son canceled his brief vacation back to the land of Big Red, the number three son looking forward to the big celebration, and the wife and I . . . it beginning to stack up as a natural plan for chaos.  As they say, whenever two or three gather, someone always spills the milk. 

Like the rest of the nation all of us are looking forward to celebrating our independence . . . or at least using that as an excuse for getting together for food, family, and fun.  We are just as patriotic as the next family, but, at the same time, we are also gathering to do some other celebrating.  We are celebrating the youngest son’s birthday while he is here.  We are celebrating the youngest son’s and his lovely spouse’s first wedding anniversary.  Thrown in there will be the celebration of the newest addition to the family—our lovely granddaughter and her presence at the table.  We will also, semi-celebrate the oldest granddaughter’s birthday—which we won’t officially celebrate until later in the month of July.  Plus, we are throwing is a semi-reunion for the daughter-in-law and one of her childhood friends and bridesmaid as she travels up from the Cowboy State to see her best friend.  Are you keeping all of this straight . . . are you beginning to sense ominous clouds of chaos building?

So, there will be fifteen people and three dogs in our house to celebrate the day on the Fourth . . . fifteen people . . . that is eleven more than usual . . . and, they will be in the house for endless hours into the wee hours of the night.  An introvert’s worse nightmare.  Oh, sure, the first few hours will be fine . . . everyone will put on their best faces, exchange pleasantries and small talk, sip beverages, play a few games, and tell the same old stories over and over again.  The pattern is well-established through the generations of all families, everyone knows his or her role . . . it is just how it is.  Yet, somewhere there is a magical nexus that tips towards the dark side . . . and, then things begin to change.

Facial expressions change . . . suddenly there is more rolling of the eyes and other musculature manipulations of the face that express boredom and beyond.  The pleasantries and small talk turn to sarcasm and heated debates . . . especially if politics or the president are mentioned.  Beverages move from the sipping stage to the gulping stage creating less inhibition and the ability to be more mouthy escalates.  The games being played go from the backyard to the places where two or three are gathered together . . . from the realm of physical games to psychological games.  And, the same old stories are told over and over with editorial comments and corrections being added by other players involved in the story.  Feeling get hurt.  Moping begins.  The mood shifts . . . but, everyone attempts to ignore it.  Someone will suggest that a few fireworks be lit . . . nothing like a metaphorical image to express what everyone is feeling.

Chaos?

I am not quite sure, but it feels like it.

Even as an introvert . . . and, since this is actually a gathering of people I love and know well . . . I am looking forward to the gathering.  I am looking forward to seeing my youngest son and his wife as they are two of my favorite people in the whole world . . . even their dog, our granddog, Zoey.  I haven’t seen them for what seems like a long, long time since they live in the Mormon Mecca.  I am looking forward to seeing the daughter and her family . . . I really like my son-in-law . . . and, I especially like my two granddaughters.  It is good to have the other two sons at home for the celebration even though I see them all of the time.  The son-in-law’s family are good people and I enjoy their company whenever we get together . . . after all, we all survived the wedding that we planned together and no one was killed or hurt . . . they are a lot of fun.  And, the daughter-in-law’s friend . . . well, she is a ginger like the daughter-in-law and she is the daughter-in-law’s best friend . . . has a great sense of humor and a beautiful smile.  She is a good person, and despite the fact that she lives in Wyoming we won’t hold that against her; after all, the daughter-in-law does too.  I like and love the people who are gathering at the homestead to celebrate all of these wonderful occasions . . . yet, those storm clouds of chaos are building.

It is impossible not to gather that many people in one small house without air conditioning on what is supposed to be the hottest day of the summer without a few strands of the rope fraying somewhere.  The dynamics of putting fifteen independent people in the same room and expecting them to get along peacefully for the whole time . . . well, it is a Spanish pipe dream.  It just cannot happen as expectations bite the dust as the day grows longer.  Chaos.

First of all, there is the attention factor . . . who gets the attention?  Does the youngest son get the attention since it is his birthday we are throwing into the mix?  Is it the youngest son and his wife since we have not seen them in so long and we are celebrating their anniversary of being married one year?  Is it the daughter and her family with the newest (a little over a week) addition to the family?  Is the youngest granddaughter going to be the center of attention . . . will she become the family Cracker Jack box that gets passed around to everyone for their five minutes of holding time?  Is it going to be the nearly two-year-old granddaughter who is still attempting to figure out this little invader to her family . . . her sister . . . and all the attention she is taking away from her . . . dealing with all the uncles, aunts, and grandparents?  Is it going to be the visitor from the Cowboy State?  The wife with all of her hostess skills?  Maybe even our nation as it grows another year older?  What will be the attention factor . . . and, will everyone get enough attention to satisfy the lust for attention?  Sounds like chaos to me.

Second, there is the noise factor that kind of goes with the attention factor.  There will be a lot of noise.  One of the things I have learned over the years is that whenever people gather—family, friends, or whatever—they like to be heard.  To be heard you have to be loud.  Thus, noise . . . lots of noise as people raise their voices to be heard over all the other voices.  Then there are the heated debates as topics and issues are discussed . . . everything from politics to religion to one’s favorite sports teams. Add to that the sound of laughter . . . loud laughter . . . rambunctious laughter . . . fake laughter . . . belly aching laughter . . . and, you get noise.  Not an introvert’s comfort zone. 

And, lastly, throw in the heat.  As I stated, the homestead is a small place without air conditioning.  Most of the time it is not a problem as we control it through manipulating the shades and windows in the house, using the ceiling fans, and retreating to the coolness of the basement when it gets too hot . . . but, we are throwing in an extra eleven people into the mix, plus one extra dog.  They all put off body heat.  Add that heat to the heat of the day . . . and, you get more heat.  Unbearable heat.  Research shows that high temperatures in the weather change people . . . they get grumpy . . . they get irritable . . . they get impatient . . . their fuses get shorter.  It does not make for a good time . . . we all may end up running through the sprinkler with the granddaughter later in the afternoon.

I am nearly overwhelmed and it is still t-minus fifteen hours until it is all set into motion . . . those clouds of chaos are looming on the horizon and the National Weather Service has not even put out a storm watch or warning yet.  The chaos is coming!

Even though the chaos is coming . . . I am prepared.  After fifty-some plus years, I am prepared.  I have ordered up the beverages.  I have set the lawn chairs in the shade where the breeze blows through in the yard.  The wife has gotten a really cool sprinkler to run through.  I have turned all the fans on.  I even ordered up a Speedo swimsuit to wear all day . . . okay, I exaggerate, there are laws against indecent exposure, and me wearing a Speedo would definitely fall into that category.  The thing is . . . I am prepared.  I am ready for anything.  Bring it on!

In the midst of the looming chaos is family . . . my family.  There will be sons and daughters, grandchildren, and friends . . . all people I love.  In the midst of that chaos will be a whole lot of tumult as everyone is making themselves presence and known to everyone else . . . it will be loud and rambunctious, but aren’t all family gatherings?  In the midst of that chaos there will come a sense of being overwhelmed, but I am ready for that too . . . I will step back and observe.  I will observe how such a diverse group of people can love one another despite all of the odds against such an arrangement . . . observe the kindness that overtakes the moments of hurt and forgetfulness . . . observe the family that is gathered.  In the stillness of that respite a different sort of overwhelmness will probably flood my heart as I realize that this is as good as it gets, and it is great to be a part of such a crazy, loving family. 

What are we celebrating in the midst of this chaos?  Well, I am celebrating presence . . . love . . . grace . . . I am celebrating family.  I am ready.  Bring it on . . . it is only fifteen short hours away!  I can’t wait.  Out of chaos comes peace.

Who Am I?

Lately on Facebook there have been a lot of posts helping folks identify who they are through a series of quizzes from a website called BuzzFeed.  BuzzFeed has developed a who lot of quizzes based on movies, music types, television shows, and even politics in which they ask “which character are you . . . or who are you . . . from ____________?”  The individual answers a series of questions . . . few of them very serious . . . and, at the end, the website gives a character that fits the individual answering the questions.  Now, this is not rocket science that the website is performing, but it sure is popular.

I have had a lot of friends answering the questions and discovering who they are . . . and, then posting the results on FaceBook . . . hundreds of thousands of times a day!  It seems as if BuzzFeed has a quiz for everything under the sun to help people learn more about who they are.  Inquiring minds want to know . . . we all have inquiring minds . . . and, the hope of the website is that these FaceBook postings will entice people to take the quiz and visit the website.  It is pure economics . . . the more hits on their sites, the more people who see the advertising on their website, and thus more money that they make.  Even though I understand the ploy, I must admit that my inquiring mind got the best of me . . . I had to know . . . who am I?

As a Beatle, I was Paul.  As a Muppet, I was Beaker.  From the Princess Bride, I was the Albino.  Under hard rock . . . I was Led Zeppelin.  I was a little floored by some of the people I was told that I was according to the quizzes I took.  I never saw myself as Paul McCartney . . . I thought that I was more of the John Lennon type, but my oldest son said that he saw me more as Ringo . . . Ringo!  As a Muppet , I sure did not see myself as the squeaky Beaker . . . I thought of myself as more of a Fozzie Bear . . . if you have ever heard my jokes you would understand why.  Under the Princess Bride . . . well, to be honest with you . . . I forgot all about the Albino character in the movie.  But come on, the Albino!  Led Zeppelin was the only one I agreed with . . . at least for one album anyways.  But these are the characters that I was according to the quizzes . . . these were the characteristics of my personality . . . these were who I was.

After reaching the level of disappointment that comes from not getting the results one wants from taking these online personality quizzes . . . I quit take them.  I also quit because I was scared to see who else I might be compared to.  Would I be Ross if there was a Friends quiz?  Would I be Tweety Bird if there were a Warner Brothers cartoon quiz?  Would I be Newman when I really want to be like Kramer on Seinfeld?  When taking these quizzes I think we all hope that we are the coolest characters . . . the stars . . . I know that I do.  But, it never seems to happen . . . I am never who I think I should be.  Of course, that is not the point of the quizzes . . . the point of the quizzes is to reveal who we are most like . . . to reveal our personality traits . . . to help us see ourselves through others.  But, come on . . . the Albino from the Princess Bride!  The dude didn’t even get to use a sword!  How uncool is that?

Hopefully none of us take these quizzes too seriously . . . after all, they are for entertainment purposes only.  I doubt if a trained counselor or psychologist or psychiatrist would ever whip out one of these quizzes to determine our mental state . . . unless of course our willingness to do the test in the first place is an indication of our mental state.  They are for fun.  Yet, deep down within ourselves, I think that we secretly hope that we do learn something about who we are.

I have spent over 55 years now searching for who I am?  If anyone has seen me, please let me know . . . but, I have spent a lifetime trying to understand who it is that God created me to be.  Every time that I think that I have who I am figured out . . . God or life throws me a curve ball and I am back to square one questioning who I am.  I think that is the way that God designed it . . . sort of a Holy pop quiz that is constantly changing.  Who I am today is compiled of all the experiences, thoughts, emotions, and adventures that have been a part of my life up to this point . . . tomorrow that will change because it will be a new day with all new things . . . the quiz keeps changing.

Even though the quiz keeps changing . . .even though I keep coming up with characters I really don’t like or care about . . . and, even though I am lousy at taking quizzes, I keep plugging away.  I keep searching for who I am . . . who God created me to be.  That is a big part of what God wants me to do . . . discover who I am.  Then God wants me to use that person to love God and love others so that we might eventually realize the Kingdom of God.  I think it is a life-long adventure and journey.  That is the biggest and most important quiz any of us can take . . . not who we are in some movie or book, but who we are as created by God. 

Yes, it is a life-long adventure and journey . . .

I have climbed the highest mountain

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled

I have scaled these city walls

These city walls

Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in her fingertips

It burned like fire

This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come

Then all the colours will bleed into one

Bleed into one

Well, yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you

Loosed the chains

Carried the cross

And my shame

All my shame

You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Don't go away

I'll sing my love for you

Don't go away

Oh you know I love this place

Don't go away

I won't go without you baby

Don't go away

Don't go away

(I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2)