Picking Fruit

Picking Fruit

I am a brief guy.  I like my snuggies when it come to underwear.  I have never been a free-wheeling proponent of boxers . . . almost seems to be too liberal for my tastes.  Nope, I have always been a brief sort of guy.  All of my sons are boxer sorts of guys . . . and, they have been since childhood.  I am not sure why this is, since their father was a brief sort of guy, but I do think that it had something to do with the fact that there were a heck of a lot more cartoon characters available in boxers than in briefs.  Whatever the case, they are among the free-wheeling while their old man sticks to the snuggly fitting briefs . . . Fruit of the Loom to be exact.

I think that underwear is an individualize and private thing.  I do not think that it is a public issue . . . though it seems that in this day and age, with the current fashion trends, that underwear is the new outerwear.  Whatever the case, I still think that the underwear (if the individual even wears underwear) is up to the individual and is private.  I don't think that it is up to society to dictate what underwear an individual does or does not wear.  That is up to the individual.

One of the big stories of the 2014 Winter Olympics was concerned with underwear . . . in particular the ban of lacy panties in the country of Kazakhstan (plus Russia and Belarus).  It seems that the government in that particular country has decided to ban lacy underwear in a trade agreement.  Their reason?  Well, because the lacy underwear did not have a six percent absorbency rate for moisture.  Because this particular underwear could not absorb a minimum of six percent moisture the government was going to ban them from the public.  As one could imagine, this created quite an uproar . . . both with males and females.  To protest, women placed lacy underwear on their heads and marched around the capital of Kazakhstan.

One woman stated, "It irritates me the most that the authorities want to decide what I should wear. As if all other issues in the country are solved and the only outstanding issue is ladies' panties."  Who cares whether or not the poor are taken care of, that everyone has some sort of health care, that the homeless have homes, that the economy is solid . . . as long as we have the most absorbent underwear in the world.  Remember, our mothers always told us to have clean underwear on . . . in Kazakhstan that mean underwear that will absorb more than six percent of the bodily fluids.  I'll tell you what, if I am in an accident I do not think that any pair of underwear will absorb all of the bodily fluids that my body emits . . . I am going to wet my pants! Kazakhstan's reply . . . yeah, but we are dry!

Though I have broadcasted it to the world, I do not think that it is anybody's business what sort of underwear I wear.  Nor do I think that it is up to the government to tell me what sort of underwear that I wear . . . or its necessary absorbency it must have.  I think that is up to the individual to decide. If he or she wants super-absorbency in their underwear . . . well, good for them.  That is their choice.  This act of government is nit-picking . . . or should I say, fruit picking.

This is a situation in which the government has over-stepped its bounds.  I stand with the people of Kazakhstan (even though I could never pick their location on a map) and their protest against this lacy underwear ban . . . though I will not stand out in the public square with underwear on my head (even if it is Teenage Mutant Turtles underwear).  I know that my underwear would pass the six percent absorbency rate . . . it is Fruit of a Loom.  Any underwear in which four guys dressed up as fruit has to be acceptable in society.

So . . . I want it to be known.  I want it to be known that I do not care what sort of underwear you wear.  I do not care whether or not it has the capability to absorb six percent of the bodily fluids you emit.  Nor do I care whether or not you wear lacy panties, boxer shorts, or those snug-fitting briefs.  That is your business.  The bottom line, literally, is that what you choose or choose not to wear is up to you.  No individual (except our mothers) can tell us what to wear (except that it must be clean in case of an accident).  We need to stand with the people of Kazakhstan and let people they have no right to pick on our fruit! Let freedom ring . . . or at least our underwear!  

It Ain’t Your BALL!!

“. . . and that government of the people,

 by the people, for the people . . .”

(Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address)

Lucy, one of the family Dachshunds, does not understand the concept of “playing” ball.  I throw the ball . . . Lucy chases the ball, catches the ball, and then runs away from me.  She does not understand that she is supposed to bring me the ball so that I can throw it for her to chase.  No, it more along the lines of her taking the ball, claiming it as her own, and if I want to play her game . . . well, I had better get off my rear end and chase her.  I am getting too old to chase a dog around the yard.  Basically, Lucy takes the ball and goes home.

We have all encountered those kids while we were growing up who—if they did not like the way the game was going or did not like the rules of the game—would take the ball and go home.  By taking the ball and going home those kids pretty much shut down the game . . . ruined the fun for everyone else . . . and, usually got beat up.  No, I am kidding about that last part . . . my friends and I never beat anyone up for quitting and taking their ball home . . . but, the idea did cross our minds!

No one likes it when someone takes the ball and goes home, thus ending whatever game or activity is taking place.  It has now been well over a week now since our government has shut down for supposedly high-minded political reasons.  As the popular and even unpopular media has put it, it is the Republican House’s fault . . . but, the Democratic controlled Senate has done more than stand idly by—they are a part of the blame.  Whatever the cause, whoever is to blame, does not matter . . . our nation’s government has shut down leaving a whole lot of people hurting.  I imagine that all of us know someone who has been thrown into a crisis thanks to the government’s shut down.  It ain’t a pretty picture no matter who is to blame.

As I have had some time to think about the whole mess, it dawned on me earlier in the week that this whole mess has been building up for a long, long time as the two political parties have been waging a game with the lives and livelihoods of the people who call the United States of America their home.  I have heard more than a few people express a desire that our politicians grow up and quit playing games.  From my perch in Montana it looks like one side decided to quit, take the ball, and go home . . . effectively shutting down the game.  The other side has cried foul.  Neither side is willing to concede.  In the meantime, our nation and its people suffer.

It is silly.  It is silly because . . . well, it is not their ball in the first place.  The ball does not belong to the Republicans . . . nor does it belong to the Democrats . . . it doesn’t even belong to the White House.  The ball, which was being used to play the game, belongs to the people.  The ball belongs to the people . . . the very same people who are not being allowed to play the game, but get to suffer all the effects of the game whether it is being played or not.

Ol’ Abe Lincoln said it best in his address to the nation on the battlefield of Gettysburg when he said: “. . . and that government of the people,

 by the people, for the people . . .”  Whether the individual is a Republican or Democrat or Independent . . . liberal or conservative or moderate . . . that individual was elected to represent the people by the people.  Those elected to serve the people were not elected to serve themselves or special interest groups . . . they were elected to serve the people.  What the people have witnessed in the recent past does not resemble anything close to what Ol’ Abe was talking about.  Nor were those who were elected called upon to assume that the people are too stupid or ignorant to think for themselves . . . to make decisions for themselves . . . the way the government treats the people today is by pulling by the nose to places they never asked to go in the first place.  Watching our government in action lately is like watching a bunch of kids playing games . . . there is name calling, finger pointing, taunting, ridicule . . . much nastiness.  At least it was until they took the ball and went home.

This is not a political rant against any one party because it seem that everyone is to blame on this one.  I just wish that everyone would remember that it wasn’t their ball in the first place . . . it belonged to the people who elected them.  It is time for those who have been elected to grow up, serve the people who elected them, and get back to work.  People are hurting and we are the laughing stock of the world.  What we have now is not a government for the people . . . it is just a bunch of spoiled kids who need to grow up.  It ain’t your ball!  Give it back to the people!

None of us liked it as kids, and we sure do not like it as adults.

Daylight Saving Time . . . Sucks

Someone told me that Daylight Saving Time was a prank pulled by a bunch of farmers in 1918 to punish city dwellers for gloating about their indoor toilets.  Someone else told me it had something to do with train schedules in Europe.  Another person told me it was just plain stupid . . . and, I have to agree.  It is plain ol’ stupid.

I kind of think of myself as a logical and educated individual.  I understand that there are 24 hours in a day . . . that never changes . . . 24 hours is 24 hours.  But we are told that we are getting more day with daylight saving time . . . and yet, the reality of the situation is that we are not.  Nothing changes except this mind game we play with ourselves.  We just think that we are.

This perception of time . . . a time shift with the clock . . . actually messes up everyone.  It is an evil plot that we will all feel tomorrow morning.  We will shock our brains, bodies and souls by hauling ourselves out of bed an hour earlier than they are prepared for.  Every March we put ourselves through the same thing.  It is a Twilight Zone situation where the clocks say 6:00AM, but our bodies and mind know that it is really 5:00AM!  It is a cruel hoax!

I almost bought into the hoax once . . . but it didn’t quite make sense.  For example, I got a little concerned about babies born during Daylight Saving Time . . . what happens to them if they live a full life but die when it isn’t Daylight Saving Time?  Did they actually live an hour less than they originally thought?  Or what if they were born when there was no Daylight Saving Time and then died when it was Daylight Saving Time . . . did they live an hour longer than they really did?  Hey!  If we think that we are getting a longer day because we set our clocks ahead an hour before going to bed once a year, then how is my reasoning any different?  Did you ever think about that?

I have heard that the reason for this time change is because farmers and ranchers wanted more daylight in which to work.  I’d buy that but most of the farmers and ranchers I know and have known get to work before the sun rises whether there is a time change or not.  They realize that they have more work than there is daylight for no matter what the clock says.  They also tell me not to blame them for this government policy.

I was told that it was so that the children could go to school when the sun is out . . . so, why do we wait until springtime to make the change?  Why do we send kids to school all winter long when it is dark and then take them home after the sun sets?  The schools say don’t blame them.

All I know is that this is typically the most popular worship service of the year at most churches as everyone usually shows up just as the service is winding down.  Missed the main event, but made it for the coffee fellowship . . . how much better can religion get than that!  Happens every year, and research shows that it ranks up there with the Sermon on the Mount for popularity.

So . . . who do we blame?  I guess the government gets credit for this one.  For whatever reason the government made this choice oh so long ago, it was a choice that was forced upon all of us.  Well, I take that back . . . Hawaii and Arizona do not observe Daylight Saving Time.  Seems they have a little common sense where the rest of us blindly follow what our government tells us to do in order to have more daylight.  Changing the time on the clock does not create more daylight . . . it is an illusion . . . a crummy one at that!

I guess I shouldn’t complain . . . the wife says that I get up before the butt crack of dawn . . . and, I do.  I enjoy getting up before the day is inundated with the noise and activity of people.  I enjoy the quietness of that time of the day . . . it is the best time of the day.  I doubt if Daylight Saving Time messes me up too much . . . except I was born during Daylight Saving Time and I worry about dying during those months where we do not have Daylight Saving Time . . . I’d get screwed out of an hour of life . . . or, would I?  This time change really sucks!  And, imagine, it was just because some farmers were upset that they didn’t have indoor plumbing!