Snow Envy

Around here people don’t talk too much about it . . . especially this year.  But it is there lurking in the background just biding its time to make a grand entrance into the conversation.  In a typical year it wouldn’t even be an issue.  The problem is that this hasn’t been a “typical” year.  Far from it and because of that everyone has been tiptoeing around saying it . . . we’ve got a bad case of “snow envy”. 

Two-thirds of the way through January and we have had an irregular winter—warmer than usual temperatures and a lack of snow.  No one has hardly had to shovel this year as there has been no snow to shovel.  It has been downright balmy and pleasant to the point that plants and trees are confused . . . plants that should be dormant are sprouting and growing and some trees are even budding . . . they think its springtime.  I haven’t even put away my shorts from the summer because I am still working on that tan.  If this keeps up I’ll need to mow my grass before the start of February.

 

And no one is saying anything . . . well, almost no one.  Farmers and ranchers are always moaning and groaning about the weather.  Can’t please that group of people when it comes to the weather.  It is either “too much” or “not enough”.  They are never satisfied.  If they got the “perfect” weather, I hope that everyone is prepared for the Second Coming because it is going to be a miraculous event.  This year even the farmers and ranchers have a major case of “snow envy”.

 

Since the political leaders in charge deny it, we can’t blame it on climate change.  But something is up creating this situation.  The weather has shifted and gone east.  The weather being experienced in the east as a historic catastrophe is our typical Montana weather.  All that snow and cold those Easterners are experiencing is our normal.  In our balmy environment we sit back in envy witnessing perfectly good winter weather pound the east knowing that they have little to no appreciation of the gift they are receiving.  What was once ours is now theirs. It is making us jealous and filled with “snow envy”.

The normal expectation around here is that there is snow and lots of it by now.  Instead, we have the false spring.  No snow.  No ice.  No shoveling.  No complaining (at least not out loud). Here in Montana snow is important to our environmental health and our image.  The mountain snowpack dictates our snowmelt which flows into our rivers and streams to keep everything green . . . and fireproofed. Without it we have problems, especially with wildfires.  At the rate we are going it is beginning to look like we are going to have a long fire season.  Lots of fire and smoke.

 

Normally I wouldn’t have “snow envy”.  I am not a “snow worshipper”.  I appreciate the snow.  I understand its importance and role in the bigger picture of things, especially in Montana.  Snow is important.  A necessary evil.  Remember, snow is a four-letter word.  That being said, I want people to understand that like everyone else I get tired of snow.  Tired of shoveling it.  Tired of scraping it off my car.  Tired of piling it up.  After one or two good snows, like everyone else, I have had enough.  Like everyone else at that point I too curse the snow. Outside of one good shoveling so far this year I haven’t had the opportunity to pull out my lament of snow profane snow cursing.

 

I miss the snow.

 

I am envious of those who live east of Montana who have been receiving what was rightfully ours.  Send it back.  We have plenty of room for it.  We can accommodate it.  Appreciate it.  Handle it.  We are used to it.  We miss our snow.

 

There . . . I have said it out loud.  Someone had to say it . . . someone had to get the ball rolling.  Saying it out loud should get us some snow (knock on the wooden snow shovel handle).  May the words I have spoken magically float to the heavens imploring Mother Nature to get back to business as usual . . . dump the snow on us!  Now that it has been spoken . . . acknowledged, may it come to be.  We are ready to pay the price.  “Snow envy” does not look good on us.  Let it snow!!!

 

Argh! Never-ending Snow!

Day 100 . . .

. . . the snow continues to fall.  The wife swears that we have had snowy weather since Christmas.  I just swear.  The truth is that we have been on a winter tear for at least two weeks.  There have been sub-zero temperatures, snow . . . lots of snow . . . easily over two feet of snow since this weather jag has hit.  The snow just keeps piling up . . . and up . . . and up.  It feels like it has been snowing forever.

 

When it all began it was pretty.  It was pastoral.  A regular Currier and Ives painting.  Awe inspiring.  Now it is just . . . “Aw, shit!  More snow!”  Eventually we all must admit that “snow” is a four-letter word that takes its place among the most profane utterances when winter comes.  No longer is the snow pretty, pastoral, or even a beautiful Currier and Ives painting . . . it is a regretful sigh of defeat.  The snow is winning.

 

Though the snow has created its wintry chaos, we Montanans shouldn’t complain.  Snow has been needed . . . well, maybe not the snow but the moisture.  Montana needed the moisture as we had been moisture depleted for quite some time.  Parts of the state have been in drought.  The state has had some difficult fire seasons for a couple of years.  The snow and snowpack will go a long way in remedying that.  Our snowpack will be tremendous . . . way above normal at this rate.  The ski resorts are basking in snow drunkenness.  Montana needs it . . . we just didn’t need it all at once.  I guess Mother Nature got tired of all the whining and complaining.  You know what they say, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

 

As an introvert the snow hasn’t upset my world too much.  In fact, it basically reinforced the solitude that we introvert value so much.  It is quiet.  There are no people intruding.  It is perfect.  Though I revel in this idyllic paradise I know that this is not the case for my extravert family and friends.  What started as a peaceful interlude with the first snowflakes falling has become a living hell for extraverts.  The snow is killing them.

 

The snow is taking its toll on the extraverts.  They are becoming stir-crazy.  It is driving them nuts.  They are getting surly . . . grumpy . . . snippy.  They need people.  They need action and activity.  They need human contact.  They need engagement.  They need noise.  This is killing them.  Their routine has been disrupted.  The misery is real.  I know.  My wife is an extravert, and she is wallowing in despair.

 

My wife is not one for profane and descriptive outbursts.  This morning with great disdain in her voice she proclaimed, “Shit!  This is crap!”  The snow just kept falling.  She is a cheerful, bubbly optimist but the veneer cracked.  As far as she is concerned, enough is enough!  Mother Nature needs to tale a valium and get over it . . . crack another bottle of wine.  Needless to say, I’m taking precautions . . . at least until the snow abates and she can escape this frozen cell to freedom.  One person’s paradise is another person’s hell.  Trust me, I know.

 

As idyllic as it might be for me, I will admit that it ain’t perfect.  Nope . . . far from it.  With snow comes shoveling.  This year, lots of shoveling.  Most of the time I enjoy shoveling snow.  I appreciate the routine . . . it is almost a form of meditation . . . scoop, throw, scoop, throw.  I like seeing the end product of clean walks and driveway . . . a job well-done. That was ten inches of snow ago.  Now it is a PITA (Google it.)  The routine has changed . . . scoop, groan, swear, throw.  Repeat . . . over and over.  I have nowhere to put the snow.  The snow piles have gotten so massive and tall that I can’t throw the snow over.  Who knew that four-foot piles could be insurmountable!  The shoveling has sent shivers of profane grumpiness throughout my introverted paradise.

 

Our dogs have taken different approaches to the winter havoc.  Birdie—our Border Collie/Corgi mix—embraces the winter deluge.  She loves snow.  She relishes the cold and sits on the deck surveying her winter wonderland as temperatures dip below zero.  This is her domain . . . her world.  Our nine-pound miniature Dachshund hates it.  With snow well-over her head each trip out is an adventure in survival for Quinn.  Most excursions end mere yards from the deck with her hastily taking care of business.  Where Birdie has a double coat of hair for such weather, the mighty Quinn is practically hairless.

 

 Because the snow in the yard has reached epic portions of depth—two to three feet deep, I scoop out a maze around the yard with port areas for doggie business.  The problem is that the paths are constantly filling up with more snow.  When Quinn runs the maze, you can’t even see her because the snow is so deep.  Such is the curse of having short dogs.

 

Yup . . . it feels like it has been forever snowing . . . 100 days.  This too shall pass . . . about June.  Weather forecasters are calling for warmer weather by the end of the week with temperatures in the 30s and 40s.  With all the snow cover it will be more like the 20s and 30s—shorts weather in Montana.  In the meantime, I will tread softly in my introverted paradise, keep space between me and the extraverts, practice my swearing for the inevitable shoveling, and be thankful that we humans have the great capacity to forget.  Come mid-summer we will be complaining that it is too hot and it sure would be nice to have a little snow right about now.

 

It Blows

I guess winter isn’t going to go without a fight.

We started the week out with a rain and snow mixture that turned to snow by Wednesday leaving several inches of the white stuff on the ground.  Then we shifted to milder temperatures before jumping up to early summer temperatures.  Lots of fluctuation between winter and spring . . . lots of unstable air . . . which seems to bring out the last trump card of winter—WIND!  Lots of wind!

Old Man Winter is blowing off a whole lot of steam today . . . ranging from a steady 25 to 40 miles an hour wind with gusts between 50 and 70 miles an hour. This wind is making the storm in the Wizard of Oz look like a walk in the park on a blustery day.  As hard as the wind has been blowing today it would only take a matter of minutes for Dorothy and Toto to get back to Kansas!  It has been nasty.

Now it is true that the wind blows on a fairly consistent basis in Montana.  Most Montanans are used to the wind blowing . . . but, this is not your typical daily wind.  This is a hurricane on land.  It has created quite a bit of havoc in the lives of everyone.

With the lack of moisture and high winds there is a perfect combination for fire.  Because there is a high risk for fire, the area we live in has been in a “red flag” warning for nearly two days.  A “red flag” warning is to serve as a reminder to those of us in it that the conditions are right for fires.  It doesn’t take much more than a spark around here to get a fire going . . . and, with this wind it doesn’t take much to spread it.  Twenty-six miles down the road in Red Lodge a fire broke out today closing the ski resort . . . last I heard they were still trying to battle it, but the wind was making that pretty difficult.  Down the road going east about another 26 miles a fire broke out in the Columbus area.  This one was threatening a subdivision, thus the people were removed from their homes.  That fire is stilling going.  Several other fires were reported.  It seems as if the fire season has begun early this year, and it could be a long summer.

The dry conditions have also created a lot of dust.  With the wind whipping dust around we have suddenly entered into a re-enactment of the Dust Bowl years.  Visibility is none existent in some locations causing road closures.  Interstate 90—a major thoroughfare through Montana—was closed down due to visibility issues between Columbus and Reed Point.  Poor visibility also caused a major pile up on the same interstate highway between Columbus and Laurel.  One person was killed in that accident.  It is also the cause of an accident that one of my sons and his social provider were in.  Luckily neither one of them were hurt, but her car took a beating as it was hit from behind because the other vehicle was driving way too fast for the conditions.  Yep, Old Man Winter is getting in the last few jabs . . . and, it blows.

Old Man Winter is just being a bully now.

Having spent many years in western Nebraska, I thought I was used to the wind.  Shoot, the wind used to be a big joke in Nebraska . . . but, this wind is no joke.  This is serious stuff.  A temper tantrum of the worse kind.  I have witnessed birds walking because it is too windy to fly.  Herds of tumbleweeds have been corralled by barbed wire fences creating some pretty unique art along the roads.  Trash cans have moved on down the street.  Trees have been dancing and swaying.  And, when one stands outside it sounds like a freight train screaming by.  Dust flies across the roads making it impossible to see.  I had even had to put lead weights on our two wiener dogs to keep them from flying across the yard when they have to potty. 

I do not know who the imbecile was who wrote that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb . . . Montana has some pretty vicious lambs!  I don’t know what that writer was drinking or smoking, but apparently he or she was not from Montana . . . but it must have been some good stuff.  Right now, we Montanans, could probably use a little of whatever it was that he or she was drinking or smoking.

Old Man Winter needs to give us a break.  True, we did not get our usual snow or winter . . . back east got that.  And, as much as we want to apologize to our neighbors to the east, we do appreciate the fact that Old Man Winter took it easy on us this year.  I guess we were not thankful enough for the old guy and now we are paying for it.  Dearly paying for it.  The wind is blowing hard out of the north . . . someone told me that was because Wyoming sucked.  I don’t know.  I just want the wind to stop . . . concede that it has lost . . . and, allow Spring to take its rightful place in the seasons.  Someone . . . please . . . offer Old Man Winter a little of whatever it was that that writer was drinking or smoking.  Old Man Winter needs to mellow out.  This wind really blows.