Hmmmmmm

That is what the eye doctor said when I went in to get my annual eye exam . . . “Hmmmm.”  Not the most comforting sound that one wants to hear from any person related to the medical field . . . “Hmmmm.”  For about five minutes as he examined my eyes, he said, “Hmmmm.”  Then he hit me with the “good news, bad news” statement.  The good news, he said, was that I was correct in assuming that my vision had gotten worse . . . then he paused before stating, that there was a black spot at the back of my eyes that he would like me to see a specialist about . . . nothing to worry about, but something that a specialist should check out.  Then he added, “Hmmmm.”  That was pretty much all the information he gave me as he gravely looked at me with a sad look on his face.

Not the words of comfort one wants to hear.  I could feel my blood pressure rising . . . something is wrong and this guy isn’t tell me.  He just kept encouraging me to make an appointment with a specialist . . . and, he kept “hmmmming”.  So I made the appointment and ran home to look up “black spots in the back of people’s eyes” on the Internet.  Of course there were only 4,500,000 million entries on the topic . . . 4,500,000 million entries that ran the gamut of “nothing to worry about” to “massive cancer”.  I went, “Hmmmm . . . I wonder which it is?”

Being a good human being I did what all human beings do . . . I jumped to the worse conclusion that there was.  I had cancer of the eye . . . months, if not weeks, to live at the worse . . . if I survived I would be minus an eye . . . partially blind . . . six feet under in no time.  Of course, even though that is human nature to think the worse, I knew better . . . if it was cancer I had years, not months, to live.  To say the least, I was more than a little concerned with what the eye doctor had found, after all, he did say “hmmmm”. 

It was a good two weeks between the eye appointment and the appointment with the specialist . . . two long weeks.  Despite trying to focus on the reality of the moment, my mind did wander to the worse scenarios.  I caught myself driving home from work closing one eye and seeing what it would be like to drive with one eye.  I discovered that it was limiting, but quite manageable.  I caught myself wondering what it would be like to take photographs with only one eye . . . so, of course, I practiced.  I thought about what I would do if it was a serious death threat . . . what I would do to take care of business so that the wife would be taken care of . . . all the work that would need to be done to assure that.  I thought about who would come to my funeral . . . who would speak . . . and, whether or not anyone would actually come.  I thought about a lot of things . . . which, of course, were on the crappy end of the stick.

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about what would be the worse sense a person could lose . . . popular opinion was that sight would be the worse sense to lose.  I had never really thought about it, but then I suddenly did . . . everything I love doing involves sight.  Without my eyes my world would suddenly become very small . . . without the breath of life, it would become even smaller.  Trying to be rational my first response was . . . “hmmmm”.

“Hmmmm . . .”

Finally the appointment with the specialist came to be.  I had my eyes examined . . . had them scanned with an eye CAT scan . . . had photographs taken of them . . . and, had them examined again.  I had the doctor go over the previous eye doctor’s notes.  Had the specialist go over all the gathered evidence.  Then the verdict: No big deal.  That is what he said, “No big deal . . . it is a miniscule mole.  In fact, I would not have even recorded if I had done the eye exam.”  It was not some rare eye disease.  It was not cancer.  It was a stinking mole . . . one that would take a microscope to find.  He told me to relax . . .

“Hmmmm . . .”

In all honesty, it was relief to hear the doctor declare that it was not a major issue that I was dealing with . . . just a funky birthmark that no one else could see.  It was a relief to learn that I was not going to lose my sight.  A relief to know that I had not been dealt the death sentence.  A relief to know that my eyes were fine and dandy . . . to know that I could continue to read, take pictures, and to look into the beautiful eyes of both my granddaughters.  A relief to know that I wasn’t going to need a pirate’s eye patch and to learn how to speak pirate . . . argh!

What did I learn?  Well, I learned that it really doesn’t matter how young or old we are, we still think of ourselves as indestructible . . . that we can never die.  I learned that we take for granted how fragile life really is . . . that despite the evidence around us, we just don’t get how fragile life really, really is.  I learned that I don’t really appreciate how beautiful the gift of our senses are . . . whether they be sight, smell, or hearing . . . we just do not appreciate how beautiful these gifts are.  I learned that I would not be a very good pirate . . . my “argh” is pretty pathetic.  I learned that I am not doing a very good job of being a steward of the gift of life that God bestowed upon me . . . I need to appreciate it more.

Despite the “cool” veneer I showed to the rest of the world, my soul struggled with the “hmmmm” . . . struggled with the uncertainty of what was happening . . . . struggled with the idea of abandoning my wife and children . . . of not seeing my grandchildren grow up.  I joked about it . . . but underneath I wondered . . . “hmmmm”.

So, the verdict came in.  I received a clean bill of health.  I was declared cancer-free, but suffering from a mole.  I was told not to worry.  It is hard not to smile with such news, but the original doctor did mention that it might not be nothing . . . that it was best to seek out the opinion of a specialist.  Several hundred dollars and hours later, I was declared clean.

What is God trying to tell me?

Two years ago, before a hernia surgery, it was my heart.  The tests pointed to a sick heart . . . that I had had a heart attack.  After extensive testing . . . hundreds of dollars . . . I was declared healthy as a sixty year old mule . . . but, I was healthy.  This year it was a black spot in the back of my eye.  Again, a clean bill of health.  Each time a painful reminder of the gift of life.  Is this what God is attempting to tell me?  To value life . . . or to become a pirate . . . that I might want to start practicing my “arghs”.

I don’t know for sure.  What I do know for sure is that whenever people look at me and go “hmmmm”, I am not comfortable.  God is sensing me some sort of message.  I am not quite sure that I know what the message is, but I do have an inkling that it has something to do with appreciating the gift of life. 

I cannot complain about my life . . . . besides, no one would listen anyweays.  I have a good life . . . a family that is growing and loves me despite my grumpy introverted ways . . . friends who actually do care about me . . . a church to serve that is a blast to be around each week . . . I have a lot to be appreciative about when it comes to life.  Don’t we all?

I am here . . . my prayer is that I learn to accept and enjoy it for what it is . . . it is a gift.  I need to open the gift . . . rip off the wrapping . . . embrace it for what it is, good or bad.  And, if you are reading this . . . well, you ar here too.  May you learn to accept the gift of life for all that it is in the present moment . . . it beats being a pirate with one eye running around yelling, “Argh!” 

Hmmmm . . . it is something to think about.

Even an App for That

The guys who do technology workshops for me at the university assure me that they make apps for everything.  I always took that with a grain of salt . . . but, it looks like they are telling the truth.  They really do make apps for just about everything under the sun . . . including medical care.  According to the most recent issue of Time magazine, you can now get medical care wherever you happen to have your cell phone. 

Years ago . . . and, I mean years ago . . . when I first started in the ministry I went to visit one of the members of the congregation I was serving out in the country.  While I was visiting she told me that she had an appointment to get her heart pacemaker checked out to see if it was operating properly.  She picked up her phone, dialed a number, spoke a few words to a person on the other end of the line, and then she placed the phone against her chest . . . after a couple of minutes, she again spoke to a person on the other end, and then hung up.  “Everything is fine!” she exclaimed.  The pacemaker was working like a charm.  She then explained that the doctor could check the pacemaker over the phone, saving her several hours of making the round trip to the doctor’s office about a hundred miles down the road.  I was amazed at the technology involved in that . . . that was over thirty years ago!

Telemedicine has changed a lot since then.

According to the article in Time magazine there are now numerous apps for the cell phone to get doctoring.  Of course, these apps run the gamut of what a person can actually get . . . from a sort of “ask the nurse” app to an actual doctor talking to you.  And, of course, these apps range in price from being free to up to $40 per use if you actually see a doctor.  According to the article, everyone who is using the apps are pleased.  It is a cheap alternative for those seeking care when compared to what a regular visit would cost in money and time . . . usually costing less and not having to mess with insurance.  For doctors the apps are a means of building a public profile, attracting new patients, and making a little extra money on the side when they are not busy.  And, for hospitals . . . well, it is a means of streamlining care for existing patients . . . medical staff is not wasting time with minor health care issues and spending more time with those patients who need it.  It is a win/win situation for everyone involved.  Even Doctor Phil endorses medical care apps . . . he is a spokesperson for Doctor on Demand.

The executive director of the health care consultancy, IMS Institute, states, “We are going to see a major shift in how medicine is practiced and where.”  But . . . are we ready?  I am not too sure that I am ready for this shift in medical care.

I remember seeing a cartoon once in which a man was watching a tele-evangelist pleading for people watching him on television to put the part of the body that was ailing them up to the television screen for healing.  In the next frame of the cartoon strip the man has dropped his pants, pressed his cheeks (of the buttocks-type) against the glass of his television screen . . . he wanted his hemorrhoids healed.  Even in this age of “selfies”, I cannot imagine myself sitting on my cell phone to give the doctor a good picture of my hemorrhoids.  I also cannot imagine using the app, getting a doctor to look at my “owie”, and having the doctor kiss it through the screen on the cell phone.

Yet, in the article, that is just about what one guy did.  He grabbed his phone, opened his medical app, and had a video chat with a doctor in real time.  After the doctor examined the pictures that this guy sent him, he diagnosed a sprain knee . . . set up a real appointment . . . and, charged him for his services.  The guy never left the comfort or the confines of his couch . . . saving time and money.  Look out, Doc, I’m sending a few Instagrams of those hemorrhoids!

Of course, this new telemedicine has its shortcoming . . . hemorrhoids, being one.  Primarily, these new apps are good for diagnosing routine illnesses like the flu and assessing minor injuries; they are not good for more serious illnesses and ailments.  They are not good for heart attacks, strokes, and cancer treatment . . . they are also not good for getting prescriptions since the doctor doesn’t really know the individual nor his or her medical history.  Apparently this has already led to some malpractice suits . . . there is probably app for that too!

I presently have two health issues that I am dealing with in my life . . . both involve taking periodical blood tests.  There is not an app for blood tests that I could find . . . and, I don’t think smearing a little of my blood onto the screen of my cell phone is going to get me the results that the doctor needs.  Nope, I still have to do my doctoring the old fashion way . . . thirty minutes waits, tons of paperwork, stripping down and wearing one of those hospital gowns that expose the southern extremities and freezes the cheeks when sitting on the vinyl, and having a five minute chat with the actual doctor.  Then there is paying the bill, haggling with the insurance company, and thanking God that I didn’t drop anything in the examination room that I would need to bend over and pick up while the nurse was there.

As Bob Dylan sings, “The times they are a’changing.”  As much as I like technology, I do not think that an app is going to replace my doctor . . . or my dentist . . . or my car mechanic . . . or my chiropractor . . . or pharmacist . . . at least not yet.  I am sure that they are working on creating apps that do all of those things, but I am not sold . . . yet.  When they can create an app for the dentist that is painless and cheap . . . I might consider downloading one.  In the meantime, I am thinking about going back to a regular cell phone . . . not a smart phone.  That would solve a lot of the problems for me . . .