I think it is “official” . . . I’m old.
The wife and I just got done watching our eleven month old granddaughter for a couple of nights, and we are both worn out. Now I understand why God blesses the young with children and not us in the AARP crowd . . . it takes two twenty-some year olds to keep up with an eleven month old! The wife and I are tired . . . and, apparently old.
Once again, I stumbled upon a list of the “top ten signs that you are getting old” on the Internet . . . I scored high on the list of signs . . . like in the top 80 percentile. I thought to myself . . . that sucks!
Here is the list:--Thinning hair . . . yep, gone are the days that I have to move the hair out of my eyes. Been losing it since high school . . . oh well, thank goodness I also had the next “sign"!
--Weakening eye sight . . . up to trifocals and waiting patiently while they develop quad-focals. But the nice thing about it is, is that the fact that I can’t see all the hair that I am losing up top. As everyone knows . . . God only made so many perfect heads, on the rest God put hair. My perfect is breaking through!
--When God slams a door, God usually leaves a window open somewhere . . . same with hair. What God takes away, God usually places it somewhere else on the body. Another “sign” of getting older is excessive nose and ear hair (probably back hair, too). Yeah, I hit that “sign”, too. It is a shame when the hair stylist adds an extra dollar to the bill to trim the ears and nose . . . actually, she might be cutting more hair there than on top!
--Another “sign” is sensitivity to room temperatures . . . in other words, I am either too hot or cold . . . nothing is ever just right. I thought for a long time that it was empathic menopause to show support for the wife going through life changes, but the doctor assured me it was just me getting older. Thank God, most Montanans dress in layers . . . I can start the day in a sweat shirt and end it in a t-shirt . . . sometimes I remember my pants!
--Which brings us to memory loss . . . I think. At least that is what I think it said . . . I could be wrong, but when you get to the end of this, you will notice that there are only nine “signs” listed . . . that is because I can’t remember what the tenth one was. But, hey! Each day is a new adventure when you can’t remember. . . makes for an exciting new day each and every day.
--Two of the “signs” I decided had nothing to do with me . . . at least not yet. One is that nails become yellow and more brittle. I only have half of that problem . . . and, no, it is not my nails yellowing! I do notice that they are more brittle than they used to be, but they aren’t yellow yet! The other “sign” is skin losing its elasticity . . . meaning that I have loose skin hanging around . . . not quite happening yet.
-- I haven’t even had a chance for my skin to get loose . . . because the next sign, increasing fat deposits, has filled in those places where the skin should have gotten lose . . . primarily around the gut. I don’t know if it is age or beer . . . probably the two of them are teaming up against me. At the same time, it beats lose skin hanging off my body!
--Then, the last one . . . shrinking. Apparently as we get older our bodies shrink . . . except in those places where we are experiencing increasing fat deposits. I was seven foot tall in my twenties, now I am five foot ten . . . at least I think I was . . . damn, I can’t remember!
Reality sucks . . . especially when that reality deals with me. It was bad enough that the tiredness that set in after the granddaughter went home with Mom and Dad was due to age; but, I sure did not need to be reminded of it from some Internet list. My youthfulness is slowly . . . heck it is sinking fast . . . and, I am getting older. The invincible super hero I once was . . . Superman . . . is getting old. I look into the closet, see my super hero outfit, and long for those days when I could outlast my children . . . now, the granddaughter and I take naps together in the afternoon!
And, that is okay. I’d take my youth any day for a nap with my granddaughter. We all get old . . . including Superman . . . at least I think that is what is supposed to happen . . . I can’t remember!