A Hairy Situation . . . or Lack There of

Every time I begin to accept the fact that I am slowly going bald, I come across some article in a well-reputed journal that brings me down.  Every time I am ready to buy into the wisdom of such statements as “God created only so many perfect heads, and on the rest God put hair”, I discover research that contradicts my acceptance of baldness as a natural part of growing older.  The culprit this time stated research that predicted the balder a man was, the greater chance that he would have a heart-attack.  The research was done by BMJ Open this past April and reported by the respected and reliable AARP: The Magazine this month.  If the AARP reports it . . . it has to be true.

Here is what they reported . . . and, hey, it has to be true . . . I mean, everyone has heard of the BMJ Open as a world renowned source of medical research . . . right?  What they reported was that if a man has a receding hairline, that he basically has nothing to worry about when it comes to heart-attacks . . . they are at no great risk.  If a man is thinning at the crown, the chance for getting heart disease goes up 18 percent.  And, if a man is bald . . . well the risk is 30 to 40 percent higher than normal.  I figure I must be in the 18 to 40 percentile . . . I am thinning at the crown, rounding the corner, and see baldness down the street.  It almost gave me a heart-attack just reading the facts!

Now, I have been losing the hair battle since I was in college . . . those darn hairs keep deserting all of the time!  But, for the most part, I can accept it and it really doesn’t bother me . . . at least until I read research like!  I never knew that the hair on my head had a direct correlation to my heart . . . if I had known that I would have shampooed my hair with something other than 99 cent VO5 shampoo.  I would have primped it with the best available hair products on the market.  Now I’m thinking about feeding it some Rogaine.  Rogaine is supposedly the wonder drug that comes in a tube that can restore a man’s hair back to its natural luxurious splendor of a younger day.  According to the commercials I have seen it is a miracle drug.  They say a little dab will do ya!  I’ll buy it by the buckets if it means I cut down my chances of having a heart attack.  Right now, short of doing a Donald Trump comb-over, the heart-attack is just down the road.  Bring on the Rogaine . . . the AARP would never lie to us geriatric people!

Maybe, just maybe, I can convince my doctor to explain to insurance company how using Rogaine is a preventative means of avoiding heart disease and heart-attacks.  It could save them lots of money in the long run, and keep me out of the hospital.  So far, though, I have not found anything in my medical insurance policy that will cover the cost of a miracle hair restoration drug like Rogaine.  The doctor suggested I just wear more hats, grow a mullet, and try to fake my heart out to think I actually have hair. 

What would you do if you learned that your risk of having a heart-attack rose considerably with the loss of your hair?  Scary thought, isn’t it?  All I know for certain is that the hair is slowly retreating . . . and, according to the research, the risk is growing daily.  God has slowly been revealing my perfect head to the rest of the world . . . for that, I am thankful.  I just don’t understand why, at the same time, God has been increasing my risk of heart disease and heart-attack.  All these years I thought it was lousy diet, lack of exercise, and genetic makeup.  It has to be true because the AARP would never lie to us older people . . . really!

Oh well, hair today, bald tomorrow . . . that is the risk of having a perfect head.