Manly Getting Older

Maybe I should quit reading MSN.com.  It seems every time I read an article on that website I only create more worries for myself.  The last time it had to do with the heart, this time . . . getting older.  MSN.com had an article, Five Things Men Most Fear About Aging . . . I was surprised that they only came up with five!  Heck, I could write a book about the things men worry about when they get older.  But, this article caught my attention and I decided that I should respond.  Especially since I prescribe to the Alfred E. Neuman school of philosophy, “What? Me worry?”

Number one on the list was impotence.  Shoot!  Since I have never been that impotent to begin with . . . who cares?  I think we make to much of being impotent in our society today.  People are only as impotent as they think they are.  What?  Oh . . . the wife just informed me that it is I-M-P-O-T-E-N-T not, I-M-P-O-R-T-A-N-T . . . never mind.  It is no business of any one whether I feel impotent or important.

Feeling weak was the second worry.  I have been called a wimp my whole life and I equate wimpiness with weakness . . . so why would I start worrying about whether or not I have any strength . . . that I am getting weak.  Once a wimp, always a wimp . . . I’ll just be an elderly wimp.

Irrelevance.  Lots of men fear retirement and getting older because they fear becoming irrelevant.  I don’t worry about this too much thanks to the federal government who keeps messing around with Social Security and retirement.  Since I started paying into Social Security they have constantly raised the age to where I will probably be dead before I get to start drawing any money.  Since I will be working until the day that they plant me in the ground, I really don’t need to waste time about my relevance at work.  They will just prop me up in the corner of the room.  I also don’t worry about this too much because I am pretty irrelevant at work already . . . basically I am the token male.  When women take over the world will any men be relevant?

Driving . . . men worry about losing their driving privileges.  Now, this is one I might worry about.  I enjoy driving . . . especially by myself.  This is my time to meditate, groove to some tunes, and get lost in my thoughts.  I guess in a way it is a sense of freedom issue, but I see it as a more practical issue.  If I am going to die in a car I might as well do it myself than to leave it to someone else . . . selfish, maybe, but at least it is honest.  I can handle my poor driving, but others make me nervous.  At the same time, the article said that losing one’s ability to drive signaled the fear of having someone else take care of them.  Having someone else meet the basic needs.  Shoot!  Anyone who wants to take care of my needs only has to give me a call . . . I am ready, but will they be?  I have some pretty extensive needs!

The last one?  Losing one’s mind (or the spouse’s mind).  I don’t worry about that too much as you can’t lose that which you haven’t found.  People tell me I lost my mind a long, long time ago.  I am already terrible with names.  My wife tells me I forgot conversations we have had.  I am thankful for calendars because they help me remember what day, month, and year it is.  I already do not make decisions as I have plenty of people who have been giving a piece of their minds for years.  And, if I do lose my mind, well each day will be a new adventure.  People better hope I learn some new jokes because they are going to get tired of the jokes I have now.  Losing the wife’s mind?  Heck, she can just ask me where it is as she has been giving it to me since we started dating!

Impotence . . . weakness . . . relevance . . . driving . . . losing one’s mind . . . is this the best that they could come up with?  I thought that is what they called a “mid-life crisis”!  I have lost all of those and much, much more since stumbling out of my twenties.  As Doris Day once intoned, “Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.”  Worrying can kill you.  I think the best thing that I can do at this point, as I grow older, is to take one day at a time and make sure all my insurance policies are paid up.  I think I am going to be around for a while longer and I want to make the best of the time I have left.  What!  Me, worry?  Shoot, I am a man . . . I can handle anything!