Anticipation . . .

. . . sucks!

Remember that Heinz commercial that used the chorus from Carly Simon's song Anticipation?  How the two little boys sat there waiting for the ketchup to come out of the bottle?  And, remember how the one little boy told the other that it was well worth the wait?

The ketchup was probably good, but the anticipation--the waiting, well, I imagined that it sucked.

From the time that I was a child to today, I do not handle anticipation well--never had.  Early, as a kid, I learned that I would much rather be surprised than to be told to expect something that I had to wait for.  I did not handle that well . . . I would fret, frown, and worry.  What if something went wrong?  What if it wasn't like I was told it was going to be?  What if it didn't happen?  What if . . . what if . . . what if?  And, then add to that the fact that time moves so slowly once it is thrown into the anticipation hamper.  Waiting takes forever!

Growing older did not ease my uneasiness with anticipation.  It only complicated it because now I had experience to back up all of my worrying.  The "what ifs" only got more elaborate and complicated and ridiculous.  The only thing that growing older did for anticipation is to confirm what I had learned earlier--it sucks!

Anticipation pops its ugly head up every so often in my life despite my best efforts at trying to avoid it.  For example, because I drive approximately 40 miles to work each day, I like to have a heads up on what the weather is going to be like.  I want to know what the road conditions are going to be.  This is not good for someone who lives in Montana--especially for one who lives right on the snow line of most of the storms that hit our area.  Because of this I am a National Weather Service junkie who has to have a daily fix of the forecast for our area.  Basically this is an exercise in anticipation because the forecasters "anticipate" the weather to do such and such at such and such a time.  Therein lies the problem--they give a time in which all of this weather is to take place--usually days in advance of it actually happening.  Major anxiety develops over the anticipation of what is going to happen than the actual weather event ever developing.

Such was the case the past couple of days as the forecasters moved our expected weather for last night, today, and tonight from "hazardous" to "winter storm watch" to "winter storm warning".  The prediction went from rain mixed with snow showers to six to ten inches of snow.  They hammered this one for a couple of days--I fretted and worried, had sleepless nights, and even debated calling in sick to work to avoid the drive in such conditions.  The anticipation killed me!  And, in the end, it was pretty much nothing--no six to ten inches of snow, no hazardous conditions--nothing but wet roads! 

But that is pretty typical anticipation that for the most I am used to.  Yet, lately there has been another type of anticipation that has been playing havoc on my life.  This has to do with becoming a grandparent.  The Prodigal Son is expecting his daughter to be born soon and mistakenly told his parents a projected date--WRONG THING TO DO!  He can ask his mother and she will testify to this mistake--she experienced it with the birth of each of our four children.  Don't give me a date as it just starts the ball rolling.  I think through each of the journeys towards the births of our children I drove the wife and the doctors crazy with my "baby anxiety".  I was more of a nervous wreck than the wife.  My mind worked overtime.

And, so it is now, as we are in the "time frame" of when our granddaughter is to be born.  It can be any time and because of that I keep my ears open in order to hear the phone ring with the news.  But, this birth is complicated for a variety of reasons: the mother has Lupus and that has made this pregnancy difficult for both the mother and grandchild to be--it has been tough and no one will know the full effects until the child is born; the mother is mad at the Prodigal Son and is not communicating with him--it has been a roller coaster journey and been difficult on everyone; because the mother is mad at our son and won't communicate, there is a good possibility that we might not even get to see our grandchild without having to go to court; and, the fact that this is all playing out way down south in Colorado--a long ways from Montana--it is hard to wait.

I know that I am not the only one feeling the anticipation.  I know this is killing my son.  I know that it is killing my wife.  I know that it is killing me.  And yet, we wait.  Not patiently, mind you, but we wait.  The fact is that the ketchup takes too long to come out of the bottle, the weather is never what the forecaster predicts, and babies never arrive when you want--they come when they want to and not a minute sooner.  Yeah, anticipation sucks . . .  so I might as sit back and listen to Carly Simon.  She sums it up so well--enjoy!

Anticipation . . . pffft!

Warm Weather Blues

With the typical Montana winter on awol we Montanans have experienced an unusually warm start to spring.  The temperatures lately have been ten to twenty degrees above normal for this time of year.  We have been having temperatures in the sixties and even seventies in the past week.  This is our normal May and June sort of weather.  We Montanans are not used to having summer this early in the year--usually it is mid-July to August before we kick on the air conditioners in our homes and vehicles.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, we have had the onslaught of warm weather lately . . . and, for the most part, I appreciate it.  Blame it on global warming . . . blame it one a crazy jet stream pattern this year . . . or blame it on the president (Seems he gets blamed for everything anyways!--whatever the cause it has been warmer than usual.

One of the things I appreciate about the climate of Montana is that it allows for a "layering" effect of clothing about nine months of the year--especially in the winter.  With layering the questions becomes: Is it fat or is it the layering?  No one knows!  That is what is nice about winter and the layering of clothing.  In the winter I like to wear sweaters, fleece, and sweat shirts to keep me warm and to hide the expanding equator of my waist.  With sweaters, fleece, and sweat shirts people have to guess--is it John or is it his clothing?  Trust me, I'm never going to tell.  I'm never going to tell because the truth is it is more me than the clothing.

The nice thing about layering clothing to keep warm is that it can be removed layer by layer whenever one is too warm.  The bad thing about layering clothing is that as the layers disappear the truth appears.  The warm weather has been pushing the issue lately.  The warm weather has been demanding a switch over to the lighter and thinner clothing of spring and summer.  This is not something I am looking forward to as it will expose me for what I have become--the Pillsbury Doughboy!  Yeah, I know, that is a scary picture!

This issue brings me to my annual lament--EXERCISE!  Just the thought of exercising makes my body hurt and cry out in pain.  The idea of adding another hour to my day to put myself through the rigors of exercise has me shutting down in the recliner in front of the television with a bag of chips and a ice cold micro-brew discerning whether or not it is worth the effort.  If fashion designers would make spring and summer clothing that could be layered and still provide the necessary cooling for the warmth--shoot, I'd invest millions in that clothing line and keep my figure under wraps all year round!  But, they do not.  Exercise and dieting come to mind as the only reasonable solution to the problem. 

Ouch!  Exercise does not sound reasonable.  It sounds costly, time consuming, and painful.  I think this is something I need to sit back and contemplate a little more . . . besides I still have a six-pack in the refrigerator.  Maybe it will snow yet!

Adding to the dilemma is the fact that the warmer weather makes people want to start wearing shorts.  It is blinding what we Montanans have to put up with as people begin to wear shorts after a long, cold winter of being covered up.  Instead of the threat of snow blindness we have skin blindness.  I know I will be among those who are guilty of this offense.  My legs are whiter than white after a long, cold winter.  It is a scary picture isn't it?  Hey, if this weather keeps up the shorts will be out soon and the world will wish that there were laws against such cruel and unusual sight. Yeah, there should be laws against that or at least mandatory sunglasses until mid-June or July when the tans actually begin to happen.

 And so it is that I have the "I Can't Believe It's Spring/Summer Blues".  I'm sitting in my recliner, sipping my beer and munching my chips humming those warm weather blues.  I know what I need to do . . . but the blues sound so good.  I guess I will just have to accept it and go with the flow--there is just more of me to love than there was before.  Oh winter, where art thou?  I miss you!