The Abuse of DJT

When is enough . . . enough?

He ridicules.

He insults.

He demeans.

He shames.

He isolates.

Name calls.

Intimidates.

Bullies.

Excludes.

Lies.

Threatens . . . physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

He baits.

He gaslights.

He taunts.

He stalks.

He is mean.

He destroys.

 

How much longer should we endure this crap?  How much longer should we, the citizens of the United States of America, put up with this behavior from the highest elected official representing and leading us?  The moral and ethical representative of the nation.  How much longer should we endure this abuse . . . this abuse from our president, Donald J. Trump?

 

That is what it is . . . abuse.  Donald J. Trump is an abuser.  Every day we are slapped in the face and confronted with his abuse.  No one is safe.  No one.  In time he abuses everyone.

 

Trump likes power and control.  Abuse is his tool and weapon to achieve it.  Ever since he entered the political arena we have been witnesses to his unyielding use of the tool of abuse.

 

How often must we be ridiculed and told that we are too stupid to know what is best for us and our nation?  How often must we be demeaned and shamed because we are not dancing to his tune?  Why are we cringing as he isolates us from the rest of the world and ourselves?  Why do we allow him to intimidate, threaten, and taunt us with bullying tactics?  We let him bait us with lies posed as promises only to have the rug pulled from under us—why?  He gaslights us by constantly changing the truth and stories . . . changing history . . . telling us we are wrong and can’t handle the truth.  He stalks us by stealing personal information by changing the voter laws in order to supposedly protect us from the threat of “someone” stealing the elections.  He destroys that which we value and admire—says we have no “taste” only to replace it with gaudiness.  He threatens . . . physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually daily.  He is mean.

 

He is mean because he loves us . . . loves the United States of America . . . loves its citizens . . . and wants to make it “bigger and better” for everyone.  That is what he tells us.  Looks us right in the yes and tells us that everything he does is because he loves us so much.  As far as he is concerned his abuse is an act of love.

 

Bullshit!

 

It is a play for power and control.

 

It is abuse.  Plain and simple.

 

We need to break this cycle of abuse . . . the sooner, the better.

 

Why? Because this abuse is not normal, acceptable, or healthy . . . it is unhealthy no matter what the president says it is.  We wouldn’t put up with this in our families, why should we put up with it from our president and government?

 

Why? Because we are loveable and loved . . . we are valued . . . we matter.  This abuse destroys our self-esteem because the abuser does not love or value us.  Doesn’t care.  That’s the goal . . . that we deserve the abuse because we are nothing without the abuser.  We are not “losers”.  We are loved and valued deserving better than this abuse.

 

Why? Because he plays us for suckers.  He dangles the “carrot” . . . makes promises . . . flashes signs of hope . . . makes empty attempts at making things up to us.  Pleads with us to give him a “second chance”.  Lies and more lies are what they are.

 

Why? Because he scares us.  Uses fear against us.  Intimidates.  All to keep us in our places.  Tells us we can’t make it without him.  That everyone hates us.  No one would take us.  That is not true.  We have one another, and there are many who are fighting this abuse.  We are not alone.

 

Why? Because this is not a “for better or worse” situation.  Not a “until death we do part” relationship.  Relationships are not built on loyalty tests.  Relationships are built on respect, caring, nurturing, support, understanding . . . on love.  None of which this president provides or represents.

 

It’s not our fault that we must pay the consequence.  That’s what he would want us to believe, but it is not true.  That is gaslighting and he takes no responsibility for anything that he does in creating the hell hole we are mired in.

 

We need to end this abuse now because it is wrong.  It is wrong and if we don’t it will kill us.  Kill us all. Kill us as individuals.  Kill us as a nation.  That is the ultimate end to power and control.  So, when is enough . . . enough?

 

We have suffered enough trauma.  That is what it is—trauma.  This chaotic frenzy has worn us down.  Weakened us.  The fatigue we feel daily is the weight of this abuse . . . this trauma . . . being inflicted upon us by someone or something we thought loved us, cared about us, and wanted the best for us.  He has said it repeatedly.  Instead, we get the short end of the stick.  His actions . . . his abuse . . . speaks louder than his words.  His abuse is killing our nation and us.  The cycle of abuse must be broken.

 

I believe that we feel the fatigue.  Daily.  I believe that we are recognizing the trauma being inflicted, naming it, and claiming its effects upon us.  I believe that we know that we are being abused even if we could not name it.  And we deserve better.  I think that we have reached the point of “enough is enough” with the events of the past week, especially the murder of Renee Good in Minneapolis.  We are tired of the lies . . . intimidation . . . gaslighting . . . bullying . . . the abuse.  Tired of it all.

Then let us speak up . . . speak up for ourselves . . . speak up for others . . . speak up for our nation.  Let’s be the voice that speaks for truth.  Speaks for justice.  Speaks for peace. Speaks for decency.  Speaks for those who have been silenced, incarcerated, and made to disappear.  Let us raise our voices . . . let us protest.  It is our right as citizens.  Promised and protected by our Constitution.  Proclaim that “enough is enough” and that the abuse must end—NOW!

 

Abuse is abuse.  Trump is the manifestation and epitome of abuse.

 

United we stand, divided we fall.  Margaret Mead wrote: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”  Let’s end this cycle of abuse.

 

Kicked and Kicked Again

"Do no harm."

That is the creed and foundation of the helping professions . . . do no harm . . . and, yet, it is broken on a consistent basis without most of those who are attempting to help even being aware.  Instead of minimizing the trauma, the trauma is unsuspectingly multiplied.  Unfortunately it happens all of the time.

As stated in an earlier blog, I hit a deer with the car I only bought a few months ago . . . yes, my new car.  It was pretty traumatic for several reasons.  One is that it happened in my new car and did what I could see was a lot of damage . . . turns out to be about $6,5000 worth of damage.  Though the auto repair shop promises that the car will be as good as new, it will never be the same . . . it will be damaged goods and I will know it whether anyone else knows it or not.  Another reason is that I am the one always warning family and friends to "be careful out there because of the deer" . . . and it was I who hit the deer.  Makes one feel pretty stupid no matter how many people attempt to reassure me that it was not my fault.  I also think about what could have happened . . . happened to all those who were riding in the car with me.  We were lucky that I did not lose control of the car . . . lucky I did not swerve the car into the lane of another approaching car . . . lucky I did not roll the car . . . lucky that I did not kill anyone except the deer--of which I do not think the deer thought it was so lucky.

To say the least, it still stings . . . it still bothers me.  Makes me sad.  Makes me mad.  The car is sitting in the driveway--in its crumbled form, waiting to be taken to the auto repair shop.  Every time I see it those feelings and emotions pop back up and it is as if I just hit the deer again.  It is a visual clue that I have not really gotten over it.  There is also the questions . . . always questions wanting to know what happen . . . by those who care and those who want to help.  Questions that can only be answered by telling the story one more time . . . reliving the event one more time.  Each time the story is responded to with words of support and empathy and care . . . but, I am the one reliving the story and the trauma one more time.  It is difficult to move on when one is constantly reliving the experience over and over again.  It is like being kicked and then kicked again.  I know people are trying to be helpful . . . trying to make me feel better . . . trying to show that they care; but, it is just rubbing salt in the wound despite their best intentions.  They don't mean to do it, it just happens.

I also witnessed this with my number three child who has Epilepsy after a recent trip to the emergency room.  Having had a seizure and fallen, the number three child gashed his eye lid . . . blood everywhere!  It was a nasty gash and one that required medical care.  Since no one was with him, his mother and I asked the usual questions about what happened . . . to which he recounted the whole experience.  In the emergency room both he and I got to retell and relive the story over for every medical person who saw him . . . in an hour we probably told the story over at least six times.  Not a good practice when one is embarrassed over what happened . . . angry about what happened . . . and, when one gets sad and depressed because this sort of thing seems to happen to him all of the time.  Plus, he also gets to retell the story of his battle with Epilepsy for the millionth time.  Kick and re-kick even though everyone is trying to help.

What this seems to do is to add to the frustration of it all.

When I am working with others to help them be better helpers I share with them story of Job and his three best friends.  Job's story is found in the Bible and is a favorite of many.  Job is just the pawn in a bet between God and Satan . . . Satan bets God that given enough hardship in one's life even the most faithful of God's faithful will pull the plug and renounce God.  God points out Job and tells Satan that the bet is on.  Of course, Satan throws the kit and caboodle at Job to get him to renounce his faith . . . takes away all of his wealth, all of his family (except his wife, but I think that the writer of the story showed some comic genius in doing this as she becomes one of Job's primary antagonists) . . . takes away everything including his health.  Yet, Job will not get mad at God and renounce his faith.  Instead he crawls off to the town dump to mourn his loss.
This is where the friends come in.  Job's friends were good people and even better friends.  They come to Job in the dump and they sit with him as he mourns his loss and situation.  They sit there for hours and days in silence . . . speaking no words . . . they are just with him . . . they are just being.  This is good . . . this is what they should be doing . . . the best thing that they could be doing to help Job.

For most people, silence is torture . . . silence is uncomfortable . . . just being still makes people un-at-ease.  After several days of sitting around, being quiet, and doing nothing, Job's friends had had enough.  Inquiring minds had to know . . . What did you do, Job?  What did you do to deserve such punishment from God?  They started grilling Job . . . they wanted to know.  Job's response was simple: "I did nothing."  Which, of course, is not what the friends believed.  Job had to be guilty of something to have been thrust into this situation.  From the questioning they move into blame and wanting to fix.  This was not what Job needed.  The friends meant no harm, they honestly thought that they were helping their friend.  This was the wrong thing to do.  This only compounded the trauma.  Here the friends kick and kick again the one who has fallen.

This biblical story is one that should be shared in all of the helping professions because it shows what to do and what not to do.  It is one that I like to read and reread because it serves as a wonderful reminder of how people can help other people . . . and, about how easy it is to forget what true presence is in times of trauma and how easy it is to re-injury another in their time of need without even realizing it.

I believe that most people care and are actually attempting to help others in their time of crisis or trauma . . . I honestly think that they are trying to help; but, I also think that we forget.  We forget how deep the wounds of life can be . . . forget how painful those wounds can be . . . and, forget that time heals all wounds, but scars always remind us.  All of us have had trauma in our lives . . . all of us have been hurt.  All of us have been kicked and kicked again when all we really wanted was someone to be with us until the pain goes away.

"Do no harm."

I realize that hitting a deer with my car is not a major trauma . . . that it nothing compared to a person being physically abused in a relationship . . . of a person suddenly divorcing another to run off with someone else . . . of finding out that one has an incurable illness . . . of losing someone who that was loved deeply.  Those are experiences and stories that are hard to tell over and over again without having to experience and live them one more time . . . of feeling the pain one more time.  There truly are no words that will ever help ease the pain . . . only presence.

As people who care we need to learn to be a presence in the lives of those we care about . . . of those we love.  We need to learn to be with those who have been traumatized . . . in time they will let us know what we can do, but in the meantime . . . we are just to be with them.  We are to stand by their side . . . we are to do no harm.