Every time I begin to accept the fact
that I am slowly going bald, I come across some article in a well-reputed
journal that brings me down. Every time
I am ready to buy into the wisdom of such statements as “God created only so many perfect heads, and on the rest God put hair”,
I discover research that contradicts my acceptance of baldness as a natural
part of growing older. The culprit this
time stated research that predicted the balder a man was, the greater chance that
he would have a heart-attack. The
research was done by BMJ Open this
past April and reported by the respected and reliable AARP: The Magazine this month.
If the AARP reports it . . . it has to be true.
Here is what they reported . . . and,
hey, it has to be true . . . I mean, everyone has heard of the BMJ Open as a world renowned source of
medical research . . . right? What they
reported was that if a man has a receding hairline, that he basically has
nothing to worry about when it comes to heart-attacks . . . they are at no
great risk. If a man is thinning at the
crown, the chance for getting heart disease goes up 18 percent. And, if a man is bald . . . well the risk is
30 to 40 percent higher than normal. I
figure I must be in the 18 to 40 percentile . . . I am thinning at the crown,
rounding the corner, and see baldness down the street. It almost gave me a heart-attack just reading
the facts!
Now, I have been losing the hair
battle since I was in college . . . those darn hairs keep deserting all of the
time! But, for the most part, I can
accept it and it really doesn’t bother me . . . at least until I read research
like! I never knew that the hair on my
head had a direct correlation to my heart . . . if I had known that I would
have shampooed my hair with something other than 99 cent VO5 shampoo. I would have primped it with the best
available hair products on the market.
Now I’m thinking about feeding it some Rogaine. Rogaine is supposedly the wonder drug
that comes in a tube that can restore a man’s hair back to its natural luxurious
splendor of a younger day. According to
the commercials I have seen it is a miracle drug. They say a little dab will do ya! I’ll buy it by the buckets if it means I cut
down my chances of having a heart attack.
Right now, short of doing a Donald Trump comb-over, the heart-attack is
just down the road. Bring on the Rogaine . . . the AARP would never lie
to us geriatric people!
Maybe, just maybe, I can convince my
doctor to explain to insurance company how using Rogaine is a preventative means of avoiding heart disease and
heart-attacks. It could save them lots
of money in the long run, and keep me out of the hospital. So far, though, I have not found anything in
my medical insurance policy that will cover the cost of a miracle hair
restoration drug like Rogaine. The doctor suggested I just wear more hats,
grow a mullet, and try to fake my heart out to think I actually have hair.
What would you do if you learned that
your risk of having a heart-attack rose considerably with the loss of your
hair? Scary thought, isn’t it? All I know for certain is that the hair is
slowly retreating . . . and, according to the research, the risk is growing
daily. God has slowly been revealing my
perfect head to the rest of the world . . . for that, I am thankful. I just don’t understand why, at the same
time, God has been increasing my risk of heart disease and heart-attack. All these years I thought it was lousy diet,
lack of exercise, and genetic makeup. It
has to be true because the AARP would never lie to us older people . . . really!
Oh well, hair today, bald tomorrow . .
. that is the risk of having a perfect head.
