Snow Envy

Around here people don’t talk too much about it . . . especially this year.  But it is there lurking in the background just biding its time to make a grand entrance into the conversation.  In a typical year it wouldn’t even be an issue.  The problem is that this hasn’t been a “typical” year.  Far from it and because of that everyone has been tiptoeing around saying it . . . we’ve got a bad case of “snow envy”. 

Two-thirds of the way through January and we have had an irregular winter—warmer than usual temperatures and a lack of snow.  No one has hardly had to shovel this year as there has been no snow to shovel.  It has been downright balmy and pleasant to the point that plants and trees are confused . . . plants that should be dormant are sprouting and growing and some trees are even budding . . . they think its springtime.  I haven’t even put away my shorts from the summer because I am still working on that tan.  If this keeps up I’ll need to mow my grass before the start of February.

 

And no one is saying anything . . . well, almost no one.  Farmers and ranchers are always moaning and groaning about the weather.  Can’t please that group of people when it comes to the weather.  It is either “too much” or “not enough”.  They are never satisfied.  If they got the “perfect” weather, I hope that everyone is prepared for the Second Coming because it is going to be a miraculous event.  This year even the farmers and ranchers have a major case of “snow envy”.

 

Since the political leaders in charge deny it, we can’t blame it on climate change.  But something is up creating this situation.  The weather has shifted and gone east.  The weather being experienced in the east as a historic catastrophe is our typical Montana weather.  All that snow and cold those Easterners are experiencing is our normal.  In our balmy environment we sit back in envy witnessing perfectly good winter weather pound the east knowing that they have little to no appreciation of the gift they are receiving.  What was once ours is now theirs. It is making us jealous and filled with “snow envy”.

The normal expectation around here is that there is snow and lots of it by now.  Instead, we have the false spring.  No snow.  No ice.  No shoveling.  No complaining (at least not out loud). Here in Montana snow is important to our environmental health and our image.  The mountain snowpack dictates our snowmelt which flows into our rivers and streams to keep everything green . . . and fireproofed. Without it we have problems, especially with wildfires.  At the rate we are going it is beginning to look like we are going to have a long fire season.  Lots of fire and smoke.

 

Normally I wouldn’t have “snow envy”.  I am not a “snow worshipper”.  I appreciate the snow.  I understand its importance and role in the bigger picture of things, especially in Montana.  Snow is important.  A necessary evil.  Remember, snow is a four-letter word.  That being said, I want people to understand that like everyone else I get tired of snow.  Tired of shoveling it.  Tired of scraping it off my car.  Tired of piling it up.  After one or two good snows, like everyone else, I have had enough.  Like everyone else at that point I too curse the snow. Outside of one good shoveling so far this year I haven’t had the opportunity to pull out my lament of snow profane snow cursing.

 

I miss the snow.

 

I am envious of those who live east of Montana who have been receiving what was rightfully ours.  Send it back.  We have plenty of room for it.  We can accommodate it.  Appreciate it.  Handle it.  We are used to it.  We miss our snow.

 

There . . . I have said it out loud.  Someone had to say it . . . someone had to get the ball rolling.  Saying it out loud should get us some snow (knock on the wooden snow shovel handle).  May the words I have spoken magically float to the heavens imploring Mother Nature to get back to business as usual . . . dump the snow on us!  Now that it has been spoken . . . acknowledged, may it come to be.  We are ready to pay the price.  “Snow envy” does not look good on us.  Let it snow!!!

 

Envy

At least twice a year I come face to face with my nemesis—the scale.  Twice a year I attend health screenings sponsored by my employer.  There I am poked, prodded, measured, and weighed.  I’m not sure if this is a proactive act towards good health or a wicked reminder that none of us can escape entropy.  Entropy basically is a fact that all things break down over time.  At this point more time has passed than remains.  Trust me . . . entropy is present in my life and my nemesis is more than elated to point this out.

I’d wouldn’t say that I have a love/hate relationship with the scale, it is fairly one sided in our relationship—I hate the scale.  The scale is blunt in its assessment and revelation of the facts.  There is more of me than I care to acknowledge.  The scale points that out.  My entropy has headed south and over the belt.  Though I have never had six-pack abs, what I do have would better resemble the Pillsbury Dough-boy.  The scale never lies . . . JERK!

 

This bi-annual encounter with the scale has created a bit of envy in my psyche.  Though I try hard to not be superficial when it comes to appearances, I cannot help but notice that my physique is far from what our advertorial society deems as “ideal”.  Where the non-achievable Adonis is shoved down our throats, I’m stuck on the opposite end pointing towards . . . well, I said it earlier—the Pillsbury Dough-boy.  I envy those on the Adonis side.  I loathe them.

 

This wasn’t always the case.  Most of my life I really didn’t care what I looked like or how I stacked up to others.  I had come to accept myself for who I was . . . a balding, slightly overweight, growing old person.  Then one of the grandchildren asked if I was going to have a baby!  Bless her heart.  She was too young to understand the science of it all and that females were the only ones capable of birthing a child.  Yes, after a while, I put her back in the will.  Suddenly I became aware of my dough-boy physique and all those who were not . . . dough-boys that is.  True, most were 30 to 40 years younger than me, but I envied their appearance.  I longed to look like that.

 

Envy appeared thanks to a curious infant who wanted to know . . . are you having a baby?  That and the fact that our nation will soon be led by the poster child of envy—president-elect Donald Trump.  He is the epitome of envy.  Just listen to the man speak about how he envies so much of the world around him . . . constantly hailing himself as “better” than everyone and everything else.  Throughout his political career (in fact, his whole life) he has been envious of his opponents . . . especially their crowds.  He is quick to point out that his crowds have been bigger and better than anyone else’s in history.  His life is bigger and better than anyone else’s.  He is driven by envy.   His gold game.  His mansions.  His spouse.  His kids.  His wealth.  The bragging comes out whenever his envy appears.

 

My favor bout of Trump envy came about when he was campaigning in Pennsylvania prior to the election.  The location was Latrobe—birthplace of Arnold Palmer.  There he spoke about Palmer and referred to the physical features of the famous golfer.  See and hear it here.  Peg Palmer Wears, Palmer’s daughter, responded to the vulgar statement confirming the “orange one’s” envy, “I think Trump seems to be fairly obsessed with these things, just like crowd size.”  The president-elect—the most powerful person in the whole world—has made envy acceptable.  If it is good enough for the president-elect, then it is good enough for me.

 

As much as I want to embrace envy . . . I can’t.  Brad Pitt is hanging out somewhere in that Pillsbury Dough-boy physique . . . just waiting to be released . . . to be set free.  No one exiled me to the “land of popping fresh dough”.  As much as I wish I could, I have no one else to blame for my present demise and shape.  It is my fault.  My inactivity.  My gluttonous behavior.  Though it seems to have silently snuck up on me over the years . . . I have no one to blame except myself.  Envy seems the best way to deal with it . . . the easy way out.

 

Loathing is not the answer to the source of my envy.  No . . . we all know the answer to ridding myself of this envy.  Diet and exercise.  Neither are any sane person’s ideas of a solution.  But the reality is there.  Towards that goal I have started walking more.  The dog loves that.  But that is not enough.  I bought a stationary bike.  What a vile piece of torturous equipment!  I can see why for most people it becomes a clothes rack.  Yet it is necessary if Brad Pitt is ever going to return.  It is the only way . . .

 

. . . only way I can reclaim that slimmer and trimmer version of myself.  Yet there are moments.  Moments when the lungs are burning and pushing for any air, they can find . . . when the legs are aching . . . that my mind thinks, “Envy ain’t so bad.  Plus, it is easier on the body.”  Then I think of how ridiculous envy makes one look and sound . . . think of Latrobe, Pennsylvania and Arnold Palmer . . . the “orange one’s” remarks.  The stationary bike doesn’t seem so bad after all.  I don’t want to be like “the Donald”.   

 

Facebook Envy

 

It has been said that “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” . . . or at least most of us think it is.  Erma Bombeck said that the reason the grass is green on the other side of the fence is because the yard is over the septic tank.  A recent study by researchers at Utah Valley University state that this is especially true when it comes to looking over all of the friends posts on Facebook—the grass might look greener, but the reality is often quite different.

The unwritten rule of Facebook (and probably just about any other social networking site) is that people don’t post pictures about the parts of their lives that suck.  No, they post only the best pictures and activities of their lives . . . they sell an impression—a positive one at that.  Facebook is about impressions and managing other people’s impressions—at least that is what the study concluded.  Other research has shown that Facebook users carefully cultivate impressions about themselves that highlight positive attributes and associations, while downplaying or excluding undesirable traits (ah, yes, the American pastime of denial).  What you see is not always what you get:

No big deal . . . right?  Everyone does it.  No blood, no foul . . . or so we thought.  The researchers from Utah Valley University were curious as to how these exaggerated and awesome profiles might impact the self-perceptions of regular Facebook users.  To find out they had 425 undergraduates complete a survey about their use of the social network site and their outlook on life.  The results?  Grass envy . . . the grass looked greener on the other side of the Facebook post than the side they were sitting on.  This led these individuals to believe that their friends lived happier and more exciting lives than they did, and that life itself was unfair.  Then to make matters worse . . . those with the greater number of “friends” had even a greater sense of those feelings.  It didn’t matter if these were close and personal acquaintances or someone you talked to once in fifth grade . . . the more “friends” the greater the sense of “boy does my life suck!”  The researchers stated that the tipping point was around 354 so-called “friends”.

Impressions are important, especially first impressions.  All of us have had that pounded into our heads since we were little kids.  But, my parents taught me that you can’t believe everything that you see . . . first impressions are not always the reality . . . especially in this day and age of Photo Shop.   You’ve got to take them with a grain of salt.  Thus it is that I don’t believe every post and picture I see on Facebook, especially when I know the poster personally.  So far, I have avoided getting a case of Facebook envy.

I primarily use Facebook as a portal to share information—not information about myself, but of things I am interested in and a part of.  I administer three Facebook pages besides my personal page.  One is for the church I serve as a pastor on which I place daily devotions, post calendar events, and the weekly e-newsletter.  Another is for the partnership of the United Church of Christ and the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Montana as a place for discussion about the partnership we have entered into.  It is filled with information, devotions, and occasional questions for discussion.  And, the last is on for the regional service area that I work for at the university . . . it has articles and information about upcoming workshops for educators.  On my personal page I post my photographs, links to my blog, and cartoons that make me laugh.  On none of the pages do I glorify my personal life . . . mainly because it is pretty ho-hum most of the time . . . pretty mundane.  If anything I have ever posted (outside of living in the great state of Montana) has created envy in you to the point that you think that life is unfair, well, I apologize.  It wasn’t my intention to create Facebook envy in others.

I have also avoided getting Facebook envy thanks to the fact that I don’t even know close to 354 people to invite to be “friends” on my Facebook page.  At last count, I have exactly 95 friends and probably more of half them haven’t spoken to me since asking me to “friend” them.  But I guess it is nice of them to care enough to keep up with whatever is happening in my life.  That is another reason I use Facebook . . . to keep up with others.  Primarily it is to keep up with my family and a couple of close friends.  Everyone else is just icing on the cake, I guess.  But I am a long, long way from being on the nexus of Facebook envy with 354 friends.  Heck, that would be over half of the town I live in.  I know for a fact that the majority of people in town don’t even know I exist!

The researchers did offer a couple of “tips” to avoid getting Facebook envy.  First, they recommended that you stay at or below an average of five hours a week on Facebook.  It seems the longer you stay on Facebook the more apt you are to believe everything that you read.  Second, they recommended that you restrict your group of “friends” to only include those people who are real friends and family . . . no one should have every Tom, Dick, or Harry off the street on their list of friends.  If you want to keep up with the world that is what Twitter is for, and in only 140 characters.

Facebook is a wonderful tool when used correctly . . . but, on the other hand, when it is used to mislead and misrepresent, it becomes something else.  It is tool for facilitating civic and political participation, networking for personal improvement with others of a like-mind, and sharing information.  It also has some great jokes, pictures, and posts that can make us think and laugh.  Don’t get caught up in the myth-making that can happen when everyone is attempting to put out only the best impressions.  The truth is usually a whole lot different than what any of us perceive.  In the meantime, if you want to friend me on Facebook . . .