Beer: Moving On Up

I like beer . . . the wife likes wine.  The wife and other wine lovers regard beer and beer drinkers as something less than refined when compared to wine drinkers . . . that they are second class citizens.  Often the reasoning for this is because wine is good for one’s health when imbibed in moderation . . . it is good for one’s heart and health.  Beer, on the other hand, isn’t.  At least that is the line beer drinkers have listened to for many, many years.  I think that is the propaganda of the vineyard lobby . . . a sort of stomping out the competition.  Yet, the bottom line is that for a long time beer was the second fiddle to wine’s more illustrious place in the world of drinking.

Not anymore!

Beer is moving up!

According to an article on the “never can miss or be wrong” Internet . . . put out there by the reliable MSN website . . . beer—in moderate consumption—can be healthy for those who drink it.  Based on three medical research projects the writer of the article even suggests  that this information is grounds for switching up the nightly red-wine routine.  Yeah, I heard a few corks pop on that suggestion.  Yet, facts are facts . . . beer—when drank in moderation—can provide health benefits.

Beer can reduce the risk of neurodegenerative disease.  One of the greatest myths about drinking beer was that it killed off brain cells . . . well, it’s not true!  Now, if you drink too much beer, or any alcohol for that matter, it is a proven fact that you can become stupid . . . but that is not because your brain cells are dropping over dead . . . nah, they are just drunk.  But that is a post for another time.  Researchers at China’s Lanzhou University subjected rat brain cells to a host of stressors, mimicking the conditions thought to cause diseases like Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.  What they discovered is that there is a potent antioxidant—Xanthohumol—that is found in the hops that make beer.  This antioxidant is found to protect brain cells from damage.  The conclusion?  Drink a beer a day and there is a five percent reduction in the risk of neurodegenerative disease.  I’ll buy it . . . the Chinese have never lied to us when it came to beer drinking.

Research shared in the Clinical Journal of the American Society of Nephrology (has to do with the study of kidneys and their function) over an eight year period shows that beer is more effective than coffee, tea, or orange juice at preventing kidney stones.  In fact, it slashes the risk of kidney stones by 41 percent!  Now, get this, wine was a distant second only reducing risk by 31 to 33 percent.  The researchers credited the beer’s diuretic effect for this particular benefit.  Now a logical person knows that beer makes you want to pee.  Peeing apparently has something to do with getting rid of all those chemicals that congregate in the kidneys to form kidney stones.  Thus, the more you pee the better for you.  Beer makes you pee.  Everyone knows that you don’t buy beer . . . you rent it.

Lastly, Harvard researchers pooled self-reported drinking data from more than 100,000 female nurses and found that women who drank beer two to four times weekly lowered the risk of rheumatoid arthritis by 31 percent.  They determined that it was the beer’s ability to suppress inflammatory proteins.  Hey, this comes from Harvard so it has to be true . . . drink beer and avoid arthritis . . . drink enough beer and you don’t care.  Yet, at the same time, this research concerned me . . . 100,000 nurses!  Makes you wonder about the state of health care.

Apparently the writer believes these health findings and benefits warrants a move up for beer in the world of “folk” and real health life styles . . . but not to the point of knocking wine off of it pedestal.  No, the anonymous writer only suggests that these findings open up the door for switching up the nightly wine consumption.  Instead of drinking wine all of the time . . . drink a beer every now and then.  Shoot!  If one is good for you, two should be even better . . . right?  Drink them both!  That is what I say!

Of course, the wife and my other whiners . . . I mean, winers . . . don’t agree.  They still point out that wine is the better of the two . . . has a lot more research to back them up . . . and, besides, wine doesn’t create the infamous “beer belly”.  When was the last time you ever saw a “wine belly”?  They rest their case.  The benefits of beer for health research is catching up . . . beer is moving up.  Someday beer will climb up onto that pedestal alongside wine . . . in the meantime, both sides disagree.  I can live with that . . . let’s disagree to disagree and go on.  I can drink to that . . . but a bunch of Chinese and Harvard researchers can’t be wrong!  It was on the Internet!  It has to be true!

Running Scared

Anheuser-Busch finally had enough.  During the Super Bowl it released its latest advertising campaign in the hope it could stop it hemorrhaging losses to the craft brew market.  Over the past six years it has been losing an average of six percent of its sales each year to the craft brew market.  On the other hand, the craft brew market has seen a growth of seven percent each year in the beer market.  Anheuser-Busch is losing ground.  The best defense is an aggressive offense, and during the Super Bowl the company dropped its big bomb through a witty, though needling advertisement seen by millions.

I saw the advertisement . . . and, depending on which side of the big micro- versus macro-brewing debate you stand . . . it was either a hilarious poke or a smack in the face.  I saw the humor in it, yet at the same time, I was a little offended by it.  It was the “common beer drinker” pitted against the “beer snob”.  Anheuser-Busch admitted that it was not into craft brewing, but realizes that its bulk is in the mass market brewing . . . translated that means into cheap beer.  The company decided that it would admit its place in the market by juxtaposing it with what it is not . . . they say craft beers, but most real beer lovers would say lousy, tasteless beer.  One micro brewing company, Ninkasi Brewing in Oregon, replied: “If you aren’t drinking a beer for taste, what are you drinking it for?”  

Shortly after moving to Montana and discovering a growing micro-brew industry, I shifted allegiance . . . I became what my daughter termed a “beer snob”.  What really happened is that I discovered “real” beer that tasted good and packed a punch.  What I had in the past was a weak imitation of beer.  Granted, Budweiser Light is the number one choice of beer drinkers in America . . . but, the difference between a good micro-brew and Bud Light is like night and day . . . like water and fine wine . . . there is no comparison.  I think that if the millions of loyal Bud Light drinkers were given the choice between their golden suds and a craft brew . . . well, they would choose the craft brew.  If a preference for good tasting beer over what some would concede as being heavy slightly flavored water makes one a “beer snob” . . . well, so be it.  I am a beer snob.

Anheuser-Busch states that it is not running scared.  Yet, their actions speak differently.  Outside of the fact that they took the offensive with their Super Bowl advertisement, they are also beginning to buy up micro-breweries.  So far they have bought Goose Island out of Chicago and Elysian out of Seattle.  What is ironic about the whole thing is that one of those two breweries is still using the tag line, “Corporate Beer Still Sucks”.  I think that Anheuser-Busch qualifies as a corporate beer company.  Scared people . . . or companies . . . don’t start buying out the competition if it isn’t scared.  I think Anheuser-Busch is running scared.

Add to the equation that several years ago Anheuser-Busch hopped into the craft beer market—even though it is massed produced—when it began producing Shock Top.  Shock Top, for those of you who are in the area of beer unawares, is a wheat-based beer . . . typically known as a hefferveisen.  Hefferveisen is a really popular beer among many who consider themselves beer snobs . . . especially when a slice of orange is added.  They even made a pumpkin-flavored wheat-based beer.  Sounds like someone is running scared.

With over five decades of life experience . . . over three decades of beer experience . . . I have come to appreciate the craft brewing industry . . . I have come to appreciate good tasting beer.  I remember how much like an adult I felt when I was finally old enough to purchase my first six-pack of beer . . . well, at least legally . . . it was Budweiser.   At the time it was the finest beer I had ever tasted . . . plus it was cheap.  I remember graduating up to Michelob . . . a more expensive brew made by Anheuser-Busch . . . a more sophisticated brew . . . thinking I was really suave and hot to trot.  A Mic always trumped a Bud.  Oh, how naïve I was . . . how ignorant I was.  Growing up in such an environment I never realized how big the world of beer really was . . . how wonderful it really could be.

I never knew . . . I never knew that beer could be so wonderful.

Silly me.

I guess the time has come for me to embrace the mantle of being a beer snob . . . we all have to grow up sometime.  I appreciate the presence of Anheuser-Busch in my life and its willingness to introduce me to the world of beer . . . they did their job well, but they failed to realize the need to move on into the world of “real” beer . . . favorable beer . . . beer that is memorable.  I appreciate its willingness to admit that it has missed the mark when it comes to good beer . . . that it is running scared.  But the truth is . . . the truth is that it still hold nearly 80 percent of the beer market . . . cheap will always beat out taste.  But, it is not enough.  It is too late.  I have crossed the nexus and there is no turning back now.

I can choke down a Shock Top or Blue Moon, but I cannot—in good conscience—suck down a Bud Light.  It is just not the same and my taste buds rebel.  I do not carry a prejudice against those who choose to drink Bud or Bud Light . . . I understand that it is their preference.  Though I secretly snicker at their choice, I will never . . . ever . . . make fun of them (at least not in public).  In the same regard I would appreciate Anheuser-Busch would show me and all the other beer snobs of the world the same respect.  I am proud that Anheuser-Busch can admit that they have their own niche in the world of beer . . . that they can poke fun at it . . . but, the fact remains, they are running scared.

The old polka says: “In heaven there is no beer, that is why we drink it here!”  The oft-misquoted Benjamin Franklin states: “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”  If this is all true, well it might as well be good beer . . . not that watered down stuff that Anheuser-Busch wants to call beer.  Besides, no one buys beer . . . we only rent it.  Think about it.

So, this Bud is not for me.  I can handle that . . . why can’t Anheuser-Busch?  When it comes to beer, nothing beats a Red Lodge Ales (Montana) Bent Nail (IPA) or a Big Sky Brewery (Montana) Moose Drool.  If you are going to drink beer it might as well taste good.  If Anheuser-Busch is hearing footsteps . . . good . . . maybe they will make a beer that tastes good.

Long live the Beer Snobs!

Motivation?

As I have gotten older, the body has gone south for the ages . . . or, in other words, I have allowed myself to age naturally.  I have put on a few pounds over the years . . . seen a Dunlop take shape around the equator . . . and, I have basically gotten out of shape . . . way out of shape.  There was a time that I was somewhat of an athlete.  I did sports through junior and senior high . . . track was my best sport . . . which lead to me running track and cross country for two years in college.  I lettered on all levels of competition.  I continued to do sports and run well into my late 30s and early 40s.  I was competitive.  I usually finished in the top ten percent of most of the road races I ran in.  I have a box full of medals and trophies from those glory days.  But, something happened and running became work . . . exercise hurt . . . and, my darn shin splints made me a virtual cat on the ceiling whenever anyone or anything bumped my shins.  Running died . . . and, the expansion began.  The motivation was lost.

Once a person gets him or herself in shape the goal is to stay in shape.  It is easier to stay in shape than it is to get into shape.  A rule of thumb I was taught many, many years ago is that it takes two days to catch up for one day of missing a workout.  I figure that if that rule of thumb is true it will take me about 32 years to get back into shape!  Remember, exercise is painful . . . exercise hurts . . . exercise means breaking a sweat . . . I am getting too old for all of that stuff.  Just thinking about it makes me want to sit back in my recliner, pop a brew, and revel in the good ol’ days when I actually did run . . . what Bruce Springsteen refers to as the “glory days”.  When I think back about how hard I used to work at staying in shape and running competitively, I get tired.  There is not much motivation there to break a sweat and get in shape.

Oh sure, I know that by getting in shape I will improve my health . . . I will live longer . . . I will have more energy . . . my mind will work better . . . I will be a two-by-four, I mean, stud.  I know that it would make my doctor happy . . . make my wife happy . . . make my exercising son and daughter-in-law happy.  As much as I understand this . . . and, as much as I love them all . . . all I can think of is how much work and pain it will take to get back into shape.  Still, no motivation.

Then I read an article on the Last Best News website about a 44-year old mother of six who set a world’s record for the mile in Texas.  Chris Kimbrough is a native Montanan living in Texas who took up running later in life.  In high school and college she was a point guard, running came later.  On November 2, 2014, she broke the world record for the mile . . . but, not just any mile . . . she broke the 17 year old record for the women’s beer mile by 13 seconds.  She ran 6:28.6 in her first effort.  That is pretty impressive considering that she had to run the mile and also drink four beers.  You can read her story here or watch the video here.

Here is how the beer mile works: the race begins with the competitor drinking a beer (the beer must have an alcohol content of at least five percent) and then running a quarter mile . . . this must be repeated three more times.  So, that is four beers per mile.  Chris ran the mile and drank four beers in a little over six minutes.  Shoot, there are times when I am driving in my car in downtown Billings that I cannot even get a mile done in six minutes . . . even without drinking four beers.  Even more amazing is that she kept it all down at the end of the race.  Pretty amazing athlete . . . pretty amazing beer drinker.  I don’t know too many people who zip through four beers in six minutes without having to run a mile.

Who knew!  Who knew that there was a sport that combined beer drinking with running.  Who knew that one of the things I love now could be combined with something that I loved long ago.  Who knew that I could find motivation and inspiration in a bottle . . .

I am so inspired and motivated at this point that I am actually considering the idea of putting on the ol’ running shoes and putting in the miles once again.  I have something to shoot for . . . a goal to achieve.  I have even done my homework . . . the men’s world record for the beer mile is held by James Nielsen who ran a 4:57.1.  Okay, I admit that I am motivated, but I am not that motivated . . . I can’t even tie my shoes in 4:57.1!  I also checked to see what the Montana record was for the beer mile . . . 5:42.0 by a guy who set the record in 2004.  That is quite a record that is not quite in my reach either . . . but, I am motivated . . . I am inspired.  Beer and running . . . I haven’t done that since I was a minor stealing beer from upper classmen in college. 

But I am motivated . . . or it could be the beer I am drinking.  Either way it has got me thinking . . . I need to start doing something and training for the beer mile just might be the trick to getting it done.  I know because of my age I should check with my doctor before starting any strenuous exercise program . . . I’ll probably leave the beer part of the training out of the announcement—besides I have been working on that one for quite some time already.  I’m sure the doctor will give me the thumbs up. 

This could be exciting.  I could get me a sponsor . . . like one of the local breweries.  They could supply me with the beer for training . . . put their logo on my shirt . . . great advertising seeing that logo and those empties on the side of the track.  Just thinking about it inspires me . . . motivates me.

But, first . . . there are some reality checks.  The temperature outside is a minus five degrees . . . maybe I should wait until the winter is over sometime in late June or early July to start running.  I like a lot of different beers and breweries . . . should I go with an IPA or EPA or Porter or Stout or . . . it could take me a while to test them all out before I decide on a training brew . . . might take months or years.  I’d have to find a training partner . . . well, not so much a training partner as a designated driver . . . four beers in six minutes is above the recommended amount for driving . . . how would I get home from the track?  And, last but not least, I should probably run it by the wife . . . running—check, beer—I seriously doubt it.  And, to think, I could have been a contender!

Well, at least the motivation is here for the time being . . . ask me in the morning . . . it might be gone.  I wonder if FitBit makes a counter that counts the beers while logging the miles?  A “beer mile” . . . who would have ever thought!

Anticipation

“A cold wind was blowing from the north,

and it made the trees rustle like living things.”

(George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones)

“The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of a world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found?”

(JB Priestley)

“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”

(Carl Reiner)

Anticipation.  It is in the air as the National Weather Service has forecast a winter storm warning for most of Montana for the next two days as an arctic front from Canada makes its way south bring snow, ice, wind, and sub-zero temperatures to Big Sky country.  The predictions are for up to eight inches of snow with temperatures and wind chills below zero . . . it is going to be cold!  Who blames the arctic front for not wanting to head south and a warmer climate?  I just wish it would take a different route on the way to Arizona or Texas or wherever it is heading for the winter.

It is kind of apocalyptic in how people approach the first snow storm of the year . . . end of the world stuff.  There is a rush to the local grocery store to stock up on the necessary staples of survival . . . lots of milk, bread, and beer.  It seems that the consumption of these staples goes up when a winter storm is in the area.  The sales of snow shovels and snow blowers will peak and shortages will be declared . . . it is as if people forget that winter comes every year to Montana . . . every year!  They batten down the house . . . close the storm windows . . . replace the filters in the furnace . . . pull out all the quilts and comforters . . . search for their long underwear . . . and hope that they remembered to pay the utility bill.  Life as everyone knows it is about to change . . . nothing will ever be the same . . . the end is near.  The end of autumn, that is.  For some folks this is the saddest and most depressing annual transition of the year . . . from autumn to winter.

It is apocalyptic in that its coming is prophesized daily in the newspaper . . . it is stated by the talking prophets—I mean forecasters—on the radio and television . . . and, it is felt in the bones of the Mr. Smith down the street who swears by his arthritis that the cold and snow is coming.  In the prophecies that are shared they start out with caution and build to apocalyptic warnings that the end is near . . . the prophets—the forecasters—have fine-tuned the anticipation . . . the frenzy waits for the first snowflake to tip the scale and upset the balance.

I’m lousy when it comes to anticipation.  I am one of those who embrace the apocalyptic vision of the local forecasters as they preach the gloom and doom of approaching winter storms.  I am one of those who sees the worst whenever there is mention of freezing temperatures, snow, and ice in the evening forecast.  I am a winter wimp.  My winter wimp reputation is famous among family and friends . . . the source of much ribbing between November and late March.  The first word of wintry weather and my mind slides into anxiousness . . . slides into the world of winter wimpdom . . . slides into a fear of having to get out into the weather . . . the snowy, icy weather.  I’d rather go to the dentist for a root canal than brave the winter weather when it has reached it apocalyptic proportions.  

Confession is good for the soul.  I confess that I have not yet mastered driving on snow and ice at 90 miles per hour . . . at least not without six inch studs and snow chains on my tires.  I have not yet learned how to appreciate scraping my windshield and windows in a blinding snow storm only to have to turn around and do it again before I have even finished.  I have not yet learned how not to panic when a semi-truck passing by spewing snow and ice and rocks because it cannot appreciate my cautious driving at 25 miles per hour.  I have not come to appreciate my car’s tired freezing to the pavement.  I have not come to appreciate making a right-hand turn only to end up making a left-hand turn across two lanes of traffic because there is ice on the road.  I have come to appreciate seeing my breath inside my car despite having the heater set on high and blasting away . . . it is no fun having to scrape the inside of the windshield.  I have come to appreciate the windshield cracking when the warm air from the car’s heater hits the glass activating every window pit into the Etch-a-Sketch mode.  I have not come to appreciate how the wintry weather makes my heart race . . . makes my blood pressure rise . . . and, makes me grumpy.  Yeah, confession is good for the soul, but the longer I think about it the more anxious it makes me.

I guess I should be appreciative of these apocalyptic weather events.  I have learned to be more colorful in my language to describe other drivers and the weather . . . if four-letter descriptive words count.  My sign language has gotten better.  I have learned how to walk with sixteen layers of clothes encasing my body . . . I have the perfect mummy walk during the winter.

The fact is . . . that the truth about the weather, at least the weather forecast . . . is always between here and there.  It rarely comes out exactly the way that the prophets, I mean forecasters, prophesize it . . . no, it is usually better or worse.  But, it is all a matter of perspective and my perspective is lousy . . . you see an inch of snow, I see a foot.  You see wet roads, I see two-inch thick ice coating the road.  As I stated, I have embrace the apocalyptic spirit of winter . . . the end is near . . . the snow is coming.

But, I could appreciate winter if we would all just relax and enjoy it.  Instead of rushing out to get from here to there, we should do what it is intended to do . . . stay home, drink hot chocolate with Schnapps, while reading a good book or listening to some great music or watching a classic movie.  My mother always thought of winter as the season of slowing down, regrouping, and contemplating life . . . as a time of respite.  She was a wise woman.  When I have the ability to stay home and stay out of the wintry weather, I really like it.  I really do.  It is almost like being on a retreat.  It is a time to be still and know . . . know one’s self and know one’s God. 

The anticipation is in the air.  As I write this it is raining, the temperature is dropping, and the snow is just waiting for its curtain call to make its entrance.  We missed an earlier storm a few weeks ago, but this one is on track.  A forecast of eight inches of snow . . . temperatures dropping to the single digits, if not below zero . . . blustery winds definitely dipping the thermometer below the zero . . . ice . . . and, possibly near blizzard conditions.  Apocalyptic in nature.  The snow is coming!  But, I am ready.  I have the next two days off . . . I have made my run to the grocery store and gotten my beer frig restocked, the Schnapps refilled, and found my long underwear.  I have nowhere to go for two days . . . let it snow.  I just hope the snowplows have the roads cleared by the time I have to go back to work on Wednesday . . . if not, well . . . if not, I might run out of beer.  If that happens it might as well be the end of the world!

Let it snow!