I had a roommate in college who used
to swear that the only reason he had a subscription to Playboy magazine was because of the articles . . . but, I don’t
remember seeing any articles pinned up to the wall of our room. I remember how he used to sneak it into the
dorm so that no one knew what he was perusing in his spare time . . . those
articles took up a lot of his spare time.
Over the past couple of years I have come to understand that roommate
and the importance of brown paper wrappers . . . I subscribe to Sports Illustrated.
I honestly have subscribed to Sports Illustrated because of the
articles. This magazine has some of the
best writers covering sports . . . they do a good job . . . and the photography
is good too. I have subscribed to the
magazine for almost thirty years now and I really enjoy the articles. Well . . . at least for fifty-one weeks of
the years . . . then there is that one week.
Once a year Sports Illustrated
puts out its “swimsuit” edition. That is
the week that it arrives in a brown paper wrapper. This past week was the week it arrived.
The swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated is a much anticipated
magazine. I think it is Sports Illustrated’s way of rewarding
those faithful subscribers who have endured a lot of silly articles about so-called
sports like cricket, curling, and bowling—cricket is a bug that one smashes
when they get in the house, curling is what the wife does to her hair, and bowling
is one does after several hours of heavy beer drinking. To reward the patience of die-hard sports
fans the magazine puts out a swimsuit edition . . . at least that is the
rationale I use when explaining the magazine to the wife.
The swimsuit edition is a
controversial edition which seems to be catching more and more heat each
year. Seems the heat has been going up
as the suits have gotten smaller and smaller each year. For about ten years now the magazine has
offered subscribers the option of skipping this edition and extending their
subscription an extra week. I don’t
think it has made much of a difference . . . for a couple of weeks following
the swimsuit edition there will be a ton of letters complaining about the
edition. People will call it pornography
. . . the gateway to pornography . . . setting women’s liberation back a
hundred years . . . a disgrace. They
also get—about at a ratio of three to one—drooling litanies of appreciation
from others who appreciate the reward of enduring so-called boring sports. I figure that if people have the option to
cancel that edition, then they should have no reason to complain if they are
either too lazy or forgot to cancel. As
I said, Sports Illustrated has
offered that option for nearly a decade now.
No one enjoys having their parade on . . . besides, I get it for the
articles.
There lies the problem . . . there is
not much in the way of articles in the swimsuit edition. Honestly . . . there are mostly pictures of
beautiful, no, smashingly beautiful women in swim suits. I guess you can call them swimsuits . . .
there is more skin than swimsuit.
Sometimes I have had to really look closely to find some material that
constitutes a swimsuit—several times! I
will admit that over the years there has been less and less material in the
swimsuits and more and more goose bumps on the models. I can see why the magazine comes in a brown
paper wrapper.
I imagine that there are those of you
out there who are wondering . . . isn’t he a minister? Well, duh!
I celebrate the 30th year of my ordination this spring, but
what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? I know, I know . . . should a minister
receive the annual issue of the Sports Illustrated
swimsuit edition? Good question . .
. that is why it comes in a plain brown paper wrapper and I get the mail the
week it comes late at night. But for
those who know me, they know that I am squeaky tight when it comes to
money. A subscription to Sports Illustrated is not cheap . . .
about seventy bucks a year—a little over a dollar an issue. For that price I want every single issue . . .
besides, I have said it before, I only read the articles!
Unlike my college roommate, and my
wife will attest to this, I have more articles pinned up to my walls than
pictures. Besides, I haven’t seen the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition
since it came home . . . it has disappeared . . . I think it has something to
do with the two twenty-something year olds son who live in our house. I think they like the pictures more than the
articles. Me, well, I like the articles
and can wait until the magazine reappears . . . thank God for trifocals!
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