Oh, Bo!

In Bo Pelini’s tenure as the University of Nebraska Cornhusker football coach it doesn’t take a whole lot of imagination to realize that those are not prayers he is screaming on the sidelines.  Any person—including me, with trifocal glasses—can pretty well read his lips.  The man has been known to blow a few gaskets in his time of coaching Big Red . . . easily caught on camera countless times over the years.  Of course, the descriptions used to describe him often mention the word “fiery” and “profane” . . . what can anyone say, he is originally from Ohio . . . a blue collar state.  So, why is there such an uproar being made over an audio tape from two years ago when he was screaming a blue streak to some acquaintances after staging what has been called one of the biggest comeback victories every in Memorial Stadium over Ohio State . . . who had a 21 point lead late in the third quarter?

Was it because he pointed his profanity-filled, f-bomb laced remarks at the Big Red Nation?  The Big Red Nation that has so often been touted as being among college football’s best fans?  The Big Red Nation who claim a sense of loyalty and faithfulness unmatched in college football . . . who stand by their team no matter whether they win or lose?  The same Big Red fans who started streaming out of the stadium—thinking all was lost, while the team was staging one of the greatest comebacks in Cornhusker history?  The faithful leaving the stadium partially filled?  Yep, that is pretty much the foundation of the complaining . .. Bo cussed out the faithful . . . profanely describing them as blankety blank fair weather fans.  That is what he did.

Now, mind you, he also cussed out the sports staff of the Omaha World Herald newspaper, but no one was in disagreement with that part of the rant.  Shoot, you can hear that happening in just about every little town in Nebraska on Monday mornings during the football season.  No one really cared that Bo cursed the Omaha World Herald sports department and writers . . . it was a consensual agreement across the state that they probably deserved it.  No, it was over the fact that Bo swore at the Husker faithful in some mighty fine blue language that made the paint peel.  Big Red Nation got its feelings hurt and cried foul.

Big Red Nation should not have been surprised by Bo’s rant . . . unless they were blind and sitting in the nose-bleed section of section of Memorial Stadium . . . everyone in Big Red Nation knows that Bo is a colorful, feisty, fiery sort of guy who likes to use a lot of profane language during the games.  Ask any Big 12 of Big 10 official.  Just about everyone in Huskerland knows that Bo has a temper that is on a really, really short fuse.  Just about everyone in the land of corn has seen his storming and swearing during a game . . . either in person or on television.  Those are not sweet nothings he is uttering to the officials.  So, why the mock surprise?  Again, because Bo hurt everyone’s feelings.

I don’t agree with Bo’s behavior a lot of the time when he goes off on one of his temper tantrums . . . doesn’t quite fit the image that the legendary coach Tom Osborne spent years building for the University of Nebraska football program.  Yeah, Bo can be a little embarrassing . . . and, to be honest, I have been amazed that he hasn’t had a heart attack while ranting and raving on the sidelines . . . the man does get red!  The man reminds me of Bobby Knight when he used to coach the Hoosiers at Indiana in basketball.  At least Bo hasn’t thrown a bench on the field yet.  Yes, Bo loses it at least once a game, acts like a two-year old throwing a tantrum, and it does get old and embarrassing . . . but . . .

. . . who among us has not blown our caps, cursed, stomped, called names, turned red, and bitten the hand that feeds us?  Who among us has not gone off on some profanity-laced tirade when we have been hurt?  Who among us has not lost it and flipped someone off while driving?  Who among us has not lost it, said things that we regretted as soon as they left our lips, and knew that it was wrong?  Who among us has not pulled a “Bo”—of some degree—in all the years of our lives?  Who among us has been super human . . . walks on water . . . and, is, well . . . perfect?  Been without sin?

I’ll wait while you consider your answer . . . but, I might be waiting a long, long time.  The point is, as human beings, we have all blown it at some point in our lives . . . that we will blow it again . . . that we will pull a “Bo”.  We all do it.  Sometimes it is witnessed by those we wish didn’t see it, other times it is in the privacy of our own little world.  But, the bottom line is that we have all acted just as Bo acted.  And, we have been on both sides of it when it happens.  We have been the perpetrator and the victim.  We have done the hurting, and we have been hurt.  Unfortunately, we just don’t want to admit that we are like Bo . . . that we are frail humans that are prone to get frustrated, angry, and blow up.

The incident happened two years ago . . . it didn’t happen after the whooping UCLA put on the Huskers this past Saturday . . . which it very easily could have.  Bo apologized.  He publicly apologized . . . said he was sorry.  The president and athletic director of the university said that he was sincere in his apology.  God . . . I mean, Tom Osborne . . . said that he believed that he was sincere.  Bo said he was sincere . . . and, that he loved Big Red Nation . . . best gig he has ever had.  But the lament is still going on . . . wah, wah, wah, cry a portion of the faithful.  I think it was the third of the stadium that left early in the third quarter. 

It is done, but there are those cry out for justice . . . who cry out for acts of penitence . . . who want to see Bo pay for hurting their feelings.  I don’t know what else the man can do.  He is already paying a heavy price as the coach of Big Red.  I wouldn’t want his job . . . I would be blowing up every ten minutes.  Think about it . . . in is job he has to please several million fans of Big Red Nation who are among the best armchair quarterbacks in the world who question his every move . . . in his job he has to babysit over a hundred young men—ages 18 to 25ish, who think they know everything there is to know . . . plus, remember, they are all males—ever try to a male anything?  He constantly hears that he is not a good coach despite the fact that he has averaged at least nine victories a year since taking over the Cornhuskers . . . only one of six coaches in the nation to do so in that time period.  I wouldn’t want his job . . . would you?

The man apologized . . . it is over.  It is time to move on.  It is time that the faithful of the Big Red Nation start living up to their reputation . . . a reputation that is demonstrated when the fans stand at the end of a game and cheer for the visiting team—win or lose.  It is time that the faithful start living up to what it is that they project as an image of the Cornhusker faithful.  The history of Big Red football is filled with the faithful giving the fallen a second . . . and, even more . . . chance.  Bo stumbled, admitted his mistake, apologized, and now it is time to move on.  There is still a lot of football left to play.  Oh, Bo . . .

. . . I feel for you.  I know what you feel.  I am a minister . . . but more importantly, I am a human being prone to making mistakes.  Even God, a huge Notre Dame fan I am told, understands.  It is tough being the coach of the beloved Huskers . . .    

Hell, I Need to Quit

A conversation about swearing . . . or cursing . . . or cussing . . . or using foul language . . . came up at work the other day.  Mind you, I work in an office at the university with eight women . . . eight very proper women . . . who would never swear.  Me, on the other hand, find that swearing is second nature . . . blame it on upbringing (my father was a career military person) or just a lack of will, but cursing is pretty much second nature for me.

Now, I know all the arguments against swearing.  I know that ignorant people use swear words to express themselves . . . thus there are times when I am the most ignorant person you will ever meet.  I know that the majority, if not all, religious people consider cursing to be a sin . . . Lord, forgive me because I am a sinner.  I know that cussing is not nice . . . and, there are times when I am not nice and do not want to be nice.  I know all of the arguments against this vile practice . . . and, I also know that no one, at least in the world in which I exist, is void of this despicable practice . . . no one!

But the ladies in the office got me thinking . . . maybe, just maybe, I need to swear a little less often . . . after all, I am an ordained person! Dammit! 

Msn.com recently had a little video clip to help people quit swearing.  It was an interesting little clip . . .but, I don’t know if it is going to help me.  They started the clip with the fact that swearing is a behavior.  As a behavior, it can be modified . . . behavior modification.  In my training to be a mental health counselor, I have always considered behavior modification to be a four-lettered word.  I have not had much success with using behavior modification in the counseling I have done.

Behavior modification . . . that is the advice the video clip offered.  This behavior modification would take three phases to be successful: introspection, word substitution, and visualization.  Hell, it sounds like a lot of work to me!

I agree with whoever made the video . . . most of my swearing comes as a reaction to what is happening to me . . . usually stuff I do not want happening to me.  The suggestion is that introspection will help understand the source or prompt to the cursing.  I think that God could help me with this one . . . put less idiot drivers on the road (especially those from northern Wyoming).  Quit putting people in my life who think that I care what their opinions or thoughts are . . . there is only one way to do things in life and it is my way.  Get rid of politics.  Just get rid of stupid people.  Most of my swearing is a reaction . . . reaction to being threatened . . . reaction to being thrown off my perceived schedule . . . reaction to what I want . . . reaction, reaction, reaction.

According to the video, it is more important to acknowledge the emotion or feeling that creates the swearing than the swearing itself.  Duh!  I get that!  But if one more person cuts me off on the highway . . . well, birds fly freely and I have shared more than my fair share of birds.  Sign language can be wonderful in expressing one’s self.  I get what they are talking about . . . I have got to quit thinking that the world revolves around me . . . I am not sure when all these other people showed up in the world, but I wish they would go back to where they came from!

The video also suggested using word substitution . . . to use other words instead of the the infamous four-letter words most of us are used to when we swear.  They suggested using words like “fiddle-dee” or “shoot”.  My father-in-law, when he was a live, always told me that “la dee da” was just French for “bullsh**”.  George Carlin used to say that “shoot” was just “sh**” spelled with two o’s.  Now, I am in agreement with both of these fine men . . . substitution or changing the word, is nothing more than using “code words” for swearing . . . the intention is the same.  I still want to the idiot driver to know that I am not happy.  I guess that is where sign language comes into play. I feel ridiculous using a substitute word for the swear word . . . my intention is still the same.

Lastly, they suggest visualization.  The makers of the video suggest that those of us who swear visualize our saying it in the company of others . . . in particular they suggested us visualizing ourselves cursing in front of children, elderly people, and clergy.  Most of the children I know swear worse than I do . . . f-bombing just about everything.  The elderly have—in my book, since I am quickly approaching that age—reason in the world to swear.  And, clergy . . . well . . . let’s just say that they deal in the sacred and the PROFANE!  I do not think visualizing who I swear in front of makes much of an impression on me . . . at least not in the three groups that they mentioned . . . where do you think I learned to swear.

For the most part, I consider myself to be a good person.  Because I consider myself to be a good person, I listen to what other people say.  Swearing is not good . . .swearing should not be a part of my vocabulary . . . I need to curb my swearing . . . and, I keep trying.  But it is a vicious circle.  I catch myself cussing out an idiot driver from a state I won’t name, but starts with a “W” . . . I flip the bird . . . and, I catch myself doing it.  This ticks me off when I catch myself doing it . . . so, I cuss myself out.  I guess that is what they mean about introspection.  Then I catch myself cussing myself out . . . this escalates the situation . . . I ask God to forgive me, dammit!  See what I mean . . . a vicious cycle.  But, I am trying . . . and, most of the time I am trying really, really hard.

At the same time, here is the deal . . . it does not matter whether a person uses a four-letter word or a “substitute” word . . . it is not the word that matters . . . it is the intention behind the word.  There are a lot of words that are not four-letter words that make people recoil . . . for example, in the church, those words are evangelism and stewardship.  It is the intention of the words that are spoken, more than the actual word that make it swearing.  I cringe more at words like “stupid”. “retard”, “queer”, “idiot”, and so on, than I do if someone drops the f-bomb in the conversation.  If the word is meant to hurt, belittle, put down, or insult someone else . . . four-lettered or not—it is swearing.   I am working on that . . . but, it is damn hard to do.

The majority of the swearing I do is pretty much private, but there are times when it slips out in situations in which I end up cussing myself out for my ignorance . . . times when I have hurt others.  In those moments . . . I am ignorant . . . I am a sinner . . .

Which brings us back to that conversation at my work at the university . . . with those ladies I work with . . . there is a better way.  And, like the video is subtly suggesting, it begins with me.  Jesus preached that there were two things we are to do as his followers.  First, to love the Lord completely . . . to love God with all that we are.  Second, is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.  I need to work on that second part a little harder . . . I need to love myself a little better.  Dammit, that is what I need to do.