Kind of Like My Odds

One in 4,294,967,296 of winning . . . I kind of like my odds at winning this year’s March Madness basketball brackets.  The payout . . . a cool one billion dollars.  Yeah, you read that correctly . . . one billion dollars.  Billionaire Warren Buffet  and Quicken Loans are offering a billion dollars to anyone who can pick a perfect bracket . . . that means picking the winners of all 63 games in this year’s NCAA men’s college basketball tournament.  They will pay any person who picks a perfect bracket one billion dollars . . . either in 40 annual installments of $25 million or a lump sum payment of $500 million . . . I will take my winnings in the annual installment plan.  That is how much I like my odds of winning . . . only one in 4,294,967,296.

I have already informed the family that I will be willing to share the wealth once I win . . . I think I will be able to afford to spread a couple of million here and there to help everyone out.  I have also contacted the bank to see whether or not they can handle the annual deposits of $25 million . . . they are checking into it as they have never had anyone make a deposit that big before.  That should get a whole bunch of free toasters!  I have not informed the Internal Revenue Service yet . . . I am sure they will know well before I ever get the first check for winning . . . they will probably take half of it before it ever hits the bank.  But, the point is, I am already making the necessary plans to receive my financial windfall when I win.  Heck, it is only one in 4,294,967,296 . . . pretty darn good odds!

Well, maybe they are not the best odds . . . but, I like them.  I imagine that I would have better odds of bowling a perfect game at 11,500 to one.  If I played golf, the odds that I would get a hole in one is only 5,000 to one.  Dating a super model (these are really lousy odds because the wife has already told me, NO!) is 88,000 to one.  This is would be a good one if they were offering a billion dollars . . . drowning in a bathtub is 685,000 to one . . . good thing I only take showers.  This one I would have won a long time ago . . . getting hemorrhoids at 25 to one.  At 11,500 to one, I have a better chance of winning an Academy Award.  Striking it rich on Antique Roadshow is 60,000 to one . . . getting a ticket to be on Antique Roadshow is like a billion to one.  Yeah, there are things out there with better odds than picking a perfect bracket in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament; but, I just have that feeling that this is my year.

Shoot!  I have never won anything . . . it is my turn.  I can just feel it.  Now, all I have to do is play . . . me and the first ten million people to submit a bracket when they open up on March 3^rd.  Plus, I have to be faster than the rest of the family in the house . . . there is only one bracket per household.  I have already threatened my family that I will cut them out if they submit a bracket from our address . . . just more money for me!  Whatever the case, I want to make sure that I submit a bracket.  I do not want to be like the guy who kept praying to God to help him win the lottery . . . finally God had to tell the guy that he had to buy a ticket if he wanted God’s help in winning.  I will get a bracket in . . . come hell or high water or even knocking off a few of my children . . . I will be one of the ten million.

Now, you are probably thinking that I am a fool for even thinking that I could ever pick a perfect bracket . . . that I would ever win a billion dollars; but, this is a no lose situation.  Let me explain.  Buffet is a smart business person and he is going into this knowing his risk.  He has already stated that he would probably strike a deal with potential winners before they actually get to the final game . . . or, as he stated, “I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.”  I have decided that I would save Mr. Buffet a whole lot of time and effort by striking a deal with him now . . . I’ll take a cool couple of thousand right now.  If he would do that, I won’t enter the contest.  Sounds good to me.  We both win! 

With a couple of thousand I can take the wife on a vacation . . . feed the whole family at Red Lobster . . . drop a little in the collection plate at church . . . and, still have enough left over for lunch a couple of times at work.  Either way, how can I lose?  I get some cash either way . . . even at 4,294,967,296 to one odds.  I kind like my chances . . . I’m putting all my money on the Cornell Big Red!  Go Big Red . . . a billion dollars is riding on you!