It has been said that “the grass is
always greener on the other side of the fence” . . . or at least most of us
think it is. Erma Bombeck said that the
reason the grass is green on the other side of the fence is because the yard is
over the septic tank. A recent study by
researchers at Utah Valley University state that this is especially true when
it comes to looking over all of the friends posts on Facebook—the grass might look greener, but the reality is often
quite different.
The unwritten rule of Facebook (and probably just about any
other social networking site) is that people don’t post pictures about the
parts of their lives that suck. No, they
post only the best pictures and activities of their lives . . . they sell an
impression—a positive one at that. Facebook is about impressions and
managing other people’s impressions—at least that is what the study
concluded. Other research has shown that
Facebook users carefully cultivate
impressions about themselves that highlight positive attributes and
associations, while downplaying or excluding undesirable traits (ah, yes, the
American pastime of denial). What you
see is not always what you get:
No big deal . . . right? Everyone does it. No blood, no foul . . . or so we
thought. The researchers from Utah
Valley University were curious as to how these exaggerated and awesome profiles
might impact the self-perceptions of regular Facebook users. To find out
they had 425 undergraduates complete a survey about their use of the social
network site and their outlook on life.
The results? Grass envy . . . the
grass looked greener on the other side of the Facebook post than the side they were sitting on. This led these individuals to believe that
their friends lived happier and more exciting lives than they did, and that
life itself was unfair. Then to make
matters worse . . . those with the greater number of “friends” had even a
greater sense of those feelings. It didn’t
matter if these were close and personal acquaintances or someone you talked to
once in fifth grade . . . the more “friends” the greater the sense of “boy does
my life suck!” The researchers stated
that the tipping point was around 354 so-called “friends”.
Impressions are important, especially
first impressions. All of us have had
that pounded into our heads since we were little kids. But, my parents taught me that you can’t
believe everything that you see . . . first impressions are not always the
reality . . . especially in this day and age of Photo Shop. You’ve got to take them with a grain of
salt. Thus it is that I don’t believe
every post and picture I see on Facebook,
especially when I know the poster personally.
So far, I have avoided getting a case of Facebook envy.
I primarily use Facebook as a portal to share information—not information about
myself, but of things I am interested in and a part of. I administer three Facebook pages besides my personal page. One is for the church I serve as a pastor on
which I place daily devotions, post calendar events, and the weekly
e-newsletter. Another is for the
partnership of the United Church of Christ and the Christian Church (Disciples
of Christ) in Montana as a place for discussion about the partnership we have
entered into. It is filled with
information, devotions, and occasional questions for discussion. And, the last is on for the regional service
area that I work for at the university . . . it has articles and information
about upcoming workshops for educators.
On my personal page I post my photographs, links to my blog, and
cartoons that make me laugh. On none of
the pages do I glorify my personal life . . . mainly because it is pretty
ho-hum most of the time . . . pretty mundane.
If anything I have ever posted (outside of living in the great state of
Montana) has created envy in you to the point that you think that life is
unfair, well, I apologize. It wasn’t my
intention to create Facebook envy in
others.
I have also avoided getting Facebook envy thanks to the fact that I
don’t even know close to 354 people to invite to be “friends” on my Facebook page. At last count, I have exactly 95 friends and
probably more of half them haven’t spoken to me since asking me to “friend”
them. But I guess it is nice of them to
care enough to keep up with whatever is happening in my life. That is another reason I use Facebook . . . to keep up with
others. Primarily it is to keep up with
my family and a couple of close friends.
Everyone else is just icing on the cake, I guess. But I am a long, long way from being on the
nexus of Facebook envy with 354
friends. Heck, that would be over half
of the town I live in. I know for a fact
that the majority of people in town don’t even know I exist!
The researchers did offer a couple of “tips”
to avoid getting Facebook envy. First, they recommended that you stay at or
below an average of five hours a week on Facebook. It seems the longer you stay on Facebook the more apt you are to believe
everything that you read. Second, they
recommended that you restrict your group of “friends” to only include those
people who are real friends and family . . . no one should have every Tom,
Dick, or Harry off the street on their list of friends. If you want to keep up with the world that is
what Twitter is for, and in only 140
characters.
Facebook is a wonderful tool
when used correctly . . . but, on the other hand, when it is used to mislead
and misrepresent, it becomes something else.
It is tool for facilitating civic and political participation,
networking for personal improvement with others of a like-mind, and sharing
information. It also has some great
jokes, pictures, and posts that can make us think and laugh. Don’t get caught up in the myth-making that
can happen when everyone is attempting to put out only the best
impressions. The truth is usually a
whole lot different than what any of us perceive. In the meantime, if you want to friend me on Facebook . . .
